Me and my girlfriend have been together 3 years now and I love her to bits. However over the past 18 months (since we moved in together) she has lost all desire to have sex or any sexual contact. At the start it wasn't so bad, we went from having sex every week to every two weeks to every month. But in the past 6-8 months it has been really bad. In that time we have had sex maybe 3 times, it has now been 3 months since the last time we tried and there we had to stop because she was sore. We do talk about it and haven't really got anywhere with that, either we end up arguing or she says she will "try harder" to be sexual. However after 18 months of her saying this I have lost all hope to be honest. I have tried lots to change this and feel at a total loss, over the past week we have had two huge arguments based on this and almost split up. I have tried not to put pressure on her in the past, romantic nights and most recently special sensual massages that just send her to sleep. Is there anything I can do?

Is there any other stress going on in her life? Such as a new/difficult job, school work, etc?

Try not to focus as much on "we arn't having sex" when you talk to her about it, be more like "How do you feel about sex lately, I feel its been different and wanted to get your perspective on it to see what we can do to make it more enjoyable for you"

There can be several reasons for a decrease in her libido. Some more background information could help in determining where to start.

How old is she?
How is the rest of your relationship?
When was the last time she had a check up?
Does she have any health issues? Is she on any medications?
What kind of birth control are you using?
Is she currently working or going to school? If so, how stressed out is she over work/school? How tired is she (not just physically but mentally and emotionally) from work/school?
If she isn't, is she stressed out from looking for work?
Do you have any children?

How do you normally try bringing up the subject of sex? What has she said about not 'being in the mood'?

Do you have any physical contact when you don't expect intercourse such as cuddling while watching TV or kiss or a caress just to touch the other person?

When we moved in together it was to a ne area away from her family for the first time so I thought for a long time it was that but that was 18 months ago and can't see it still being a problem. Other than that nothing stressfull.

The most common approch is the 'how do you feel about sex at the moment' to which she says 'better' or something to that effect, the kind of comments to make me think things are nearly there but not just yet. But the problem is that while she always seems to be saying things are improving the reality is they are getting worse.

How old is she? 20

How is the rest of your relationship? It is OK I feel, maybe we don’t do enough romantic things together though. But we do make time for ourselves

When was the last time she had a check up? She is scared of her DR, but I had a full STD check not long ago and am clean

Does she have any health issues? No

Is she on any medications? No

What kind of birth control are you using? She is on the Pill, I know this does make her less sexual. But she also finds condoms a huge turn off.

Is she currently working or going to school? If so, how stressed out is she over work/school? How tired is she (not just physically but mentally and emotionally) from work/school? Home School only

If she isn't, is she stressed out from looking for work? We are planning to move back close to her family soon so she isn't looking for work yet.

Do you have any children? No, but we are in the early stages of planning. She wants children within 2 years. However this scares me because this will surly make matters worse in this area.

How do you normally try bringing up the subject of sex? In the past we would start by being close, Hugging then touching and so on. However we stopped this because she started to link hugging and stroking to sex so wouldn't hug in case I got in the mood. After we'd talked about it I agreed not to try to turn hugs and kisses into sex so we can still love each other. Of course I do sometime let a hand wander every now and again but this is rare and usually unsuccessful. Now the more common approach is the more direct question on if she feels in the moon, however this is rare now also as I have lost hope of a positive answer and sometimes even get the 'why do you have to ruin it' comment

What has she said about not 'being in the mood'?
Different reasons, to hot, to cold, tired. But I think she's see's this question the other way round really. I mean she says well why should I be in the mood? To which there is all to often no answer.

She is not attracted to you.

Sounds like she is now faced with the reality of her own sexuality. Some women find this very scary, and instead of dealing with it, they blame their partner, or say stuff like they don't feel sexually attracted to their partner.

However this is not the case, it's a simple little thing called know thyself.
Someone she knows very little about. Play with lube... watch porn together... experiment. Seriously. Worked wonders for my dwindling sex life.

Tell her you two have to experiment with her sexuality. Try different