This has been a very interesting discussion. When I first read the question, I agreed with her. I still do. But I am a sap. I am actually glad I don't have to deal with this in my relationship.

Its not a team when One idividual tries to impose their rules with no input from the other team member(s).

On a team all parties are equals... or its not a team... then it's a master subordinate relationship.and the person being put upon or henpecked developes resentment that destroys the marriage.

Working together is fine.. its a good thing... but you can't "Work together" if one party decides they are going to pressure the other into doing something that violates their personal space... and rights as an adult to do things that harm no other people.

And watching porn alone harms no other people. He also has the same right to masturbate as she does. And to whatever stimulous they each enjoy... assuming however underage children aren't the subject.

Its also not an agreement if one party is pressured into giving an answer just to get the other person to be quiet.

Relate that to a coerced confession by the police... a court will toss that out in a blink of an eye.

Well you sit here and tell the girl to just deal with her husband getting himself off while watching porn.

She is asking for advice. She isn't getting any. Except to just let her husband do it or he will leave her. Which I disagree with that.

PhoenixM8, let me suggest going to counseling. It may be a good idea. As you have stated that you have issues that go way back. Is your husband aware of what ever it is that makes him masturbating to porn uncomfortable to you? If not, then sit down and explain this to him.
Have you ever tried watching the porn with your husband?

There has to be a little "give" on both ends. Or it won't work. All I can suggest is talking with him about everything. Try to understand why he likes to do it. Don't try to make him stop. Or he will do it behind your back and when you catch him it will hurt you worse than it would if you knew about it.

There is a concept of something called personal space... the rights of one individual END where the personal space and rights of another individual begin.

And the people so eager to violate someone else's space are usually the ones who yell the loudest and most quick when someone tries to violate theirs.

Its been my experience Oliver, that the longer a relationship lasts, the more challenges, and obstacles it faces.

Good point. I guess we are going on 8 months so in the scheme of things, that isn't very long.

I've been married coming up on 22 years... and there has been mutual respect for each other and their space since day one... I don't threaten and intimdate her into anything... and she doesn't do it to me. DO we argue from time to time... certainly like any couple that's been together longer than the shelf life of frozen meat. But we never resort to intimidating the other into something by ANY means. If she doesn't want to do somethiing, she doesn't HAVE to... if I don't want to do something I don't HAVE to.

And there is no... "well damnit I HAD to do THIS for you....so you better darn well do THIS for me now". Because pressure someone into something and it WILL devolve into that eventually.

Okay. Maybe don't watch the porn with him. Unless he would like you too. I know my husband would probably like that suggestion. Would I do it? Probably not.

It is a matter of control and power in the relationship right now. She's uncomfortable with it. Why is she uncomfortable with it? Should she:
1). Not deal with her issues and expect her husband to change his behaviour so that the issue is never brought up again? This is avoidance.
2). Deal with the issue that makes this uncomfortable for her. This is dealing with issue.

The husband isn't doing anything wrong. How is it HIS fault that SHE'S uncomfortable?

If my wife had a Spider tattoo, and I am deathly afraid of spiders what would be the proper course of action? Her covering up that tattoo and Me avoiding spiders until the end of my days or dealing with the fear and overcoming my fear of spiders?

With all due respect, I have seen that answers before and they don't work as well as you would think. I have said that most men just need a pair of boobs to look at and they're hard. We're visual. Women aren't. You know this. It is the emotional side that gets your juices flowing. The thoughts and feeling behind that. It is a different arousal cycle.

Me getting my wife going, before she was pregnant, took about an hour of getting her in the right mood. It took her about minutes to get me in the mood. Which was about how long it took her to get undressed.

Watching porn together isn't as good as it seems for that reason. The guy is getting into it but the girl might not so much and the guy knows this and is embarrassed that he's into it and she's not. Then there is thought that she's comparing herself to the porn star... it goes down hill. She'll never be able to appreciate it. She looks down on the porn stars, kind of the same way as she does for hookers.

She has explained this to her husband. He kept doing it. So...

I do agree that SHE needs counselling in the worst way.

"Well you sit here and tell the girl to just deal with her husband getting himself off while watching porn. She is asking for advice. She isn't getting any."

This is your opinion - I would venture a guess that Smoothy (just to pick out one member) answers more "my bf/husband/significant other watches porn" questions in one month than the total number of times you've posted on AMHD.

And if your husband would ask you to watch porn, you would not? Perhaps that's how OP's significant other feels about making his own porn tapes OR stopping his porn watching.

I think the OP did get answers, well thought out, well expressed, certainly comprehensive. She wasn't given an easy fix, in my opinion, because there is no easy fix.

I do agree that there is a need for counselling - I don't think watching porn is the only issue here.