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    kayla1781's Avatar
    kayla1781 Posts: 4, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Nov 8, 2009, 10:44 AM
    My man cant get hard
    Okay so I am 18 years old. I have a fiancé who is also 18... we are very much in love... we have done everything for each other... we have been together for almost a year.. we have a great sex life. Until here recently. Last week on the forth him and I had sex which was great the nest day which was my b-day we tried to have sex and in the middle of it he got soft.. we tried a lot that day to get him hard... seems to be the only way he can get hard is if he messes with my butt... I really think he is losing interest in me.. that really bothers me... we have tried so much... I don't know what else to do. Could he be losing interest? I need some advice.. thanks
    Synnen's Avatar
    Synnen Posts: 7,927, Reputation: 2443
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    #2

    Nov 8, 2009, 12:11 PM

    I know that it's hard when you're 18, but you NEED to talk to each other openly and honestly about the entire situation.

    If you can't talk about sex with your partner, you probably shouldn't be having sex with that person anyway.
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,301, Reputation: 7692
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    #3

    Nov 8, 2009, 12:17 PM

    And if this is the only one time, please, if after a few weeks he is having trouble but all men will not always perform every time, esp for several days in a row.

    And so he may have a butt interest or fetish ( since it is so common I can't in good faith call it a fetish)

    So what is the problem if he wants to rub your rump.
    kayla1781's Avatar
    kayla1781 Posts: 4, Reputation: 1
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    #4

    Nov 8, 2009, 12:23 PM

    Note: we have talked a lot about this. We have a good relationship. He is very stressed out because of this which is why I did this so we can try and see what kind of suggestions people have about it...
    Synnen's Avatar
    Synnen Posts: 7,927, Reputation: 2443
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    #5

    Nov 8, 2009, 12:26 PM

    See... stressing about it just makes it worse.

    Try your next session together WITHOUT focusing on him being hard, or on even getting to sex. Just enjoy touching and kissing each other, and see what happens.
    kayla1781's Avatar
    kayla1781 Posts: 4, Reputation: 1
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    #6

    Nov 8, 2009, 12:34 PM

    Thank you so much for the help
    Windala's Avatar
    Windala Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
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    #7

    Nov 8, 2009, 02:38 PM

    A lot of guys do have "butt" interest, I agree with everyone on stressing about it and trying too much is not helping. I want to add though that eating right adds up too. If a guys doesn't eat good stuff, getting and staying hard can be a problem. Water is a big part too.
    gottaaquestion's Avatar
    gottaaquestion Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
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    #8

    Nov 8, 2009, 09:14 PM

    Hunny you got nothing to worry about sometime guys go through phases like we do!
    Cat1864's Avatar
    Cat1864 Posts: 8,007, Reputation: 3687
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    #9

    Nov 9, 2009, 08:35 AM
    As Synnen said, stress is a big libido killer.

    Timing can also play a part in performance. Trying again too soon after the last ejaculation. Not be quite mentally into having sex is another common problem. It is difficult to turn off the part of the brain that is thinking about work, chores, bills etc. Then getting stressed about possible problems on top the original issue(s) makes the problem worse.

    I will suggest that you discuss fantasy and where to set the boundaries of how far fantasies are allowed into reality. Just because he enjoyed playing with your bottom once doesn't necessarily mean anything. However, if you are uncomfortable with it, then it is something that needs to be discussed.
    kayla1781's Avatar
    kayla1781 Posts: 4, Reputation: 1
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    #10

    Nov 9, 2009, 09:37 AM

    I have no problem with him playing with my bottom... just no anal... we are actually doing it now witout any problems
    rosewood3118's Avatar
    rosewood3118 Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
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    #11

    Jul 3, 2011, 03:23 AM
    He may be worried about pregancy. That will kill an erection
    JudyKayTee's Avatar
    JudyKayTee Posts: 46,503, Reputation: 4600
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    #12

    Jul 3, 2011, 06:49 AM

    This thread is from 2009 - they've probably figured it out by now.
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