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    topher's Avatar
    topher Posts: 65, Reputation: 3
    Junior Member
     
    #1

    Jul 22, 2016, 10:28 AM
    Kicking masturbation/porn in a pretty much sexless marriage
    I'm going to just get straight to the point and say it I know my masturbation/porn habit has really hurt my ability to make love to my wife, and I know I need to stop. I love my wife and I'm not trying to put any blame on her, but her lack of sex drive is really making this hard for me to do. And it's not just lack of sex drive it seems that if she's not in the mood than than she won't do anything at all to help me out, whether it be oral, or a hand job. How does one kick such habits in a nearly sexless marriage?
    tickle's Avatar
    tickle Posts: 23,801, Reputation: 2674
    Expert
     
    #2

    Jul 22, 2016, 10:44 AM
    Would a threesome help, of course, of boundaries and safe words. I don't like suggesting therapy because normally one of the two will not participate fully and/or not even try.

    Did she have a sexual orientation before and after you got married ?

    She knows about your porn/masturbation habit and is reacting this way because she sees no alternative ?

    Explain more but consider a threesome with someone you can trust, on a temporary basis of course, to get her orientated to agree with your sexual needs.
    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 37,828, Reputation: 5427
    Jobs & Parenting Expert
     
    #3

    Jul 22, 2016, 10:53 AM
    Women are creatures of emotion. What do you do throughout the day to make love to her emotions, to her heart? For women, lovemaking begins hours before and outside of the bedroom.
    Cat1864's Avatar
    Cat1864 Posts: 8,007, Reputation: 3687
    Marriage Expert
     
    #4

    Jul 22, 2016, 03:09 PM
    Looking over your past threads, I think you need to provide more background about your wife, marriage and relationship before giving advice.

    Is she the same woman who you have written about in the past? Did she go through your bout of not wanting sex with you? If not, how long have you been married? Do you have children? Do both of you work or go to school? How is her health? Has she always had a lower libido or did something occur to cause a change?

    And the big question: Have you sat down and discussed this with her? Have the two of you discussed fantasies?

    If there are issues in the marriage, I do not agree with inviting a third party into your bed. It would probably cause more stress and make things worse.
    CravenMorhead's Avatar
    CravenMorhead Posts: 4,532, Reputation: 1065
    Adult Sexuality Expert
     
    #5

    Jul 25, 2016, 07:24 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by topher View Post
    I'm going to just get straight to the point and say it I know my masturbation/porn habit has really hurt my ability to make love to my wife, and I know I need to stop. I love my wife and I'm not trying to put any blame on her, but her lack of sex drive is really making this hard for me to do. And it's not just lack of sex drive it seems that if she's not in the mood than than she won't do anything at all to help me out, whether it be oral, or a hand job. How does one kick such habits in a nearly sexless marriage?
    If it is a sexless marriage I believe porn/masturbation is an acceptable solution if you want to stay together and NOT deal with the problem of why the sex has stopped.

    I believe it is really selfish to ask her to 'help you out' when she's not in the mood. That is forcing sex and that's bad. We gather that your sex drive is fine. What is your wife's live like? Stress? Job? Exhaustion? Kids? How is her self-esteem/self image? How old are you two?

    There are a LOT of reasons a person's libido has gone south, but it is hard to nail down the right one without talking to the person. What do you know, that can help us give you the proper approach to help deal with this issue constructively.
    Alty's Avatar
    Alty Posts: 28,318, Reputation: 5972
    Pets Expert
     
    #6

    Jul 25, 2016, 01:49 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by tickle View Post
    Would a threesome help, of course, of boundaries and safe words. I don't like suggesting therapy because normally one of the two will not participate fully and/or not even try.

    Did she have a sexual orientation before and after you got married ?

    She knows about your porn/masturbation habit and is reacting this way because she sees no alternative ?

    Explain more but consider a threesome with someone you can trust, on a temporary basis of course, to get her orientated to agree with your sexual needs.
    Did I miss something? Where does the OP mention a threesome, and why are you actually saying that a threesome would help.

    Also sexual orientation?

    Consider a threesome to get the wife orientated with his sexual needs? What about her sexual needs?

    My brain is hurting from this. Is this 2016, or 1816?
    Precious7's Avatar
    Precious7 Posts: 333, Reputation: 61
    Full Member
     
    #7

    Jul 26, 2016, 10:42 AM
    I agree with wondergirl, A women cant have physical/ sexual relationship often because she may not be feeling emotionally connected. I am not saying that without emotional connection she cant do, she can but it has some limits when she also would like to connect with that man emotionally. Have you ever touched her non sexually or any physical touch that doesn't lead to sex? e.g. Hugging, kissing, just holding her etc. I think, she needs to connect with you emotional level too not just sexually, If she will feel loved and cared for then all the other things like sex will just follow through. Usually for man its opposite.
    Even if you both sit together and try to talk about this situation, that's also a type of connecting with your wife emotionally via conversation, she would know that you care for her. So, both of sit and have peaceful conversation. Ask her if there is something bothering her, she wants to try something new, different, go spend more time with her etc.

    And please, no threesome. That can escalate the situation more. Lol

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