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Ruth Hilton · Nov 18, 2008, 08:27 AM

Hi - does anybody have any advise?

I suspected just over 4 years my husband had been seeing another man for a period of 6 months, it has just come to light that this is true and I have confronted the other man who confirmed it was true and it was a full relationship - however he did say that my husband did love me and ended their relationship. At the same time of finding out the truth about their affair / relationship I also found out that my husband has been watching gay porn for over 12 months and it is always when I'm out of the house, and also after we have had good sex! I have approached him now every night for two weeks but I'm still not in a state to make a decision - he says he loves me, he needs more hetrosexual porn for us both to try new things as he has turned to gay porn for curosity of other sex things to do! Is he gay, bi sexual or straight - Please help !

Synnen · Nov 18, 2008, 08:42 AM

You need to TALK to him about it.

If he's had a full-blown relationship with a man, chances are that he's not straight. However--the problem isn't that he cheated on you with a man. The problem is that he cheated on you at ALL.

He needs to talk to you about what's going on with him, and you need to decide, as a couple, some serious boundaries.

I would also suggest some counseling for YOU, as this has got to be messing with your mind. I would also suggest counseling as a couple, but I sincerely doubt that he would go.

450donn · Nov 18, 2008, 09:07 AM

Sounds like another person who for what ever reason has decided to try and maintain a hetrosexual relationship instead of showing their true sexual orientation. They can carry on for a while, but it appears eventually all fail. First, get yourself tested. If he has been having sex with other men then the chances of him bringing home a STD go up dramatically. Then, ask him to leave.

smoothy · Nov 18, 2008, 09:23 AM

He's at least Bi. Straight guys would not have gone that far. But do get tested for STD's just to be safe. THey are easier to treat early if by chance he did bring one home.

Synnen · Nov 18, 2008, 09:25 AM

The chances of getting an STD go up with ANY cheater, not just a homosexual encounter. It's the NUMBER of sexual partners that makes a difference, not the TYPE of sexual partner. That being said---you can get an STD by being exposed to it ONCE.

Please don't perpetuate the stereotype that one type of cheating is worse than another type of cheating.

450donn · Nov 18, 2008, 10:16 AM

Not typecasting. This is straight from the CDC. Believe them or not your choice.
STD Increase among Gay and Bisexual Men