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    R2A0V's Avatar
    R2A0V Posts: 6, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Mar 7, 2008, 07:02 AM
    My husband doesn't ejaculate in me, why?
    I need your advise/ help please.

    I am 29 and my husband is 31. We have been married for 5 years.
    I know that’s its more common than usual for a man to be aroused and to be able to reach his peak and ejaculate very quickly.
    My husband, on the other hand takes a very long time to ejaculate. He can get excited but will just take a long time to ‘come’.

    When we are having sex he will be very excited and I can try all sorts of different things and positions to try and help my husband reach his peak so he can ejaculate. After a very long time I will be exhausted and then he will continue masturbating and he will be able to ‘come’ on his own.

    Also while having sex after some time he will tell me that my vigina has grown so big and that he doesn’t feel anything and there is no excitement, no feeling.

    Is it that he is too used to his hand that he doesn’t get any enjoyment from me and cannot ‘come’ in me?

    I want to have a child now and it affects me that he is not able to be excited enough/ or is it that I am not able to excite him enough for him to reach his peak.

    I don’t know what to do, but just feel more and more desperate to have a child and get more depressed that my husband is not able to ejaculate in me.

    Please help
    bEaUtIfUlbRuNeTtE's Avatar
    bEaUtIfUlbRuNeTtE Posts: 1,051, Reputation: 112
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    #2

    Mar 7, 2008, 07:12 AM
    I can't believe he said that about your vagina getting bigger during sex. Of course it's going to strecth during intercourse. It's suppose to! Talk about a downer...

    He should NOT make you feel that way during intimatcy.

    Sounds like he has a problem of his own. Doesn't have anything to do with you.

    He CAN ejaculate in you. If he can't when you get too tired, let him do his usual hand routine and then right before he orgasms, have him insert himself in you and that way he will be able to in you.
    R2A0V's Avatar
    R2A0V Posts: 6, Reputation: 1
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    #3

    Mar 7, 2008, 07:23 AM
    He says that if he plays with his hand and ejaculates in me towards the end is no fun. He says a baby should me made of love, yes I agree, but the thing he takes forever to ejaculate. Yes he is excited, and he says he is very excited and his 'wants' me but he just doesn't ejaculate in me.
    I will do oral, I will go on top of him, I will play with him with my hands, I will do all sorts he says he is very very excited and very very hard, but he will still never ejaculate inside of me, but not even that he still hasn't even ejaculated in MY hands while I'm paying with him.
    bEaUtIfUlbRuNeTtE's Avatar
    bEaUtIfUlbRuNeTtE Posts: 1,051, Reputation: 112
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    #4

    Mar 7, 2008, 07:32 AM
    So what other way other can he ejaculate in you then? None.

    He can't ejaculate in you or he won't?
    Synnen's Avatar
    Synnen Posts: 7,927, Reputation: 2443
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    #5

    Mar 7, 2008, 08:25 AM
    I'm wondering if he's as into the idea of a baby as you are.

    This may be his way of rebelling against the idea of starting a family, without directly confronting you about it.
    kp2171's Avatar
    kp2171 Posts: 5,318, Reputation: 1612
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    #6

    Mar 7, 2008, 09:41 AM
    the vagina actually stretches, with foreplay, before a man is even inserted. Called the "ballooning" effect.

    you told me some things in your PM that ill run off here.

    so he can get you off orally and also through intercourse. That's great. Does it take a long time through intercourse? If so, he might be desensitized by the time he can focus on himself. So does he ever engage intercourse with the full intent of getting himself off only? I know... seems selfish. OK. But have you tried this?

    if not, I'm thinking oral on you first, then make it all about him. Also, you mention different positions and stimulations... do you hold some of these back to drive him over the top... meaning, my partner knows several things I like her to do. Nibble at the ears, nails on back, a "reach under" for fingerplay, etc... but something's, like the ears, I like held back. If she goes for this too soon, its not as powerful.

    also, what about a refractory period of maybe 10-15 minutes? If he hits a plateau, have him stop. Pet or touch each other for a time while he rests. Then engage again and see if the sensations jump up higher... I've done this myself when things "flatten" out concerning sensations... stop, take a moment, reconnect, try again.

    stress can hurt libido, and just the simple fact that he is having problems means there will be a self propagating negative cycle... I had a little mini depression several years ago, and that spilled over into the bedroom. And then that became a "problem" that just made it happen more. I had to clear my head, get a few "wins" in the bedroom, and relax.

    I know this is a random, all over the place post... just more thoughts. Lie on the bed and have him rub you down, shoulders to rear with lotion. He should be naked too. He doesn't have to go fast at all. Skin to skin contact can amp up his sensations, and if he's straddling you from behind, running his hands up and down your torso, he will most definitely get stimulation at the curve of your arse as he shifts up and back.

    what's the biggest errogenous zone you have? Your skin.

    don't know how he's respond to your rubbing him down as well, but it might help develop needed sexual tension.

    if he insists on "taking care of you" first, oral or intercourse, think about that refractory period and talk about what hed like for foreplay aimed at him. One "glitch" I run into is in my bedroom foreplay seems mostly about preparing the woman for sex... yes... I get a charge out of all I'm doing, but largely I'm doing all the "right things" to get her ready, get her off. This means after she's had hers, often from oral, its easy to think the guy is prepared for intercourse... maybe not. With all the focus on you, he's mentally not been in the moment completely.

    I find, for ex, that I hardly ever get the amount of kissing id like. Now... most of the time this doesn't lead to any problems... but when things do plateau for a bit, I think its largely due to rushing things on the mans side. Just something to think about.

    post your thoughts.
    Choux's Avatar
    Choux Posts: 3,047, Reputation: 376
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    #7

    Mar 7, 2008, 06:38 PM
    R2,

    Your husband is taking advantage of your gullibility regarding matters of sex!

    Plain and simple, he doesn't want to have any children with you at the present time, so he has a bunch of excuses to dazzle you with. He could impregnate you tonight if he wanted to!!

    It is very nasty of him to say that your vagina is too loose... all that means is that he prefers the tight grasp of his own hand to the communion of husband and wife all nude in bed.

    Do you want to stay married to this man? IF so, you are going to have to get him to stop lying to you and being so selfish!. Never forget that he is very lucky to have such a wonderful wife as you are.
    toolguyny's Avatar
    toolguyny Posts: 18, Reputation: 3
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    #8

    Mar 7, 2008, 08:11 PM
    First off, I don't think anyone (chow to Choux) should be making statements as factual about "what he is doing". There is no way for anyone to draw an absolute conclusion from a written post online without input from both parties. Is your husband on medications of any kind? Anti-depressants (or depression itself without meds) can be an absolute factor in sexual performance, ability to climax, and/or the time it takes to do so. Its possible that the situation, in his mind, is magnified from the first few instances of the issue to make it seem like a larger problem than what it might really be.
    hollylovesbrandon's Avatar
    hollylovesbrandon Posts: 633, Reputation: 78
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    #9

    Mar 8, 2008, 02:43 PM
    Although the posters may be stating something as fact with the outline of their sentences, every post is an opinion and should be taken as one.

    Anyway, I think all the bases have been covered by our excellent posters. He should have never said that about your vagina, maybe he doesn't really want a baby and is avoiding the subject. He is being selfish and not thinking of you. And all that talk about a baby being made of love... he can still have sex, pull out, jerk it, and reinsert it and it's still love. Obviously he is playing with your emotions. Also, men can hold it back, for quite sometime (some men anyway). He could be doing this to avoid getting you pregnant.

    If he really does want to and he honestly just CAN'T then I suggest you working on him for long period before the actual intercourse happens. Try all HIS favorite and most erotic positions.

    Also, stress can be hurting his desire and ability to perform. Any medication he is taking for it can also hurt it. Make sure that when you are in the bedroom that you are both tuned into the event... no stress in the bedroom is a good rule. If you are fighting, take it to a different room. Make the bedroom be a "stress-free" zone. Just a thought. It's worth a try anyway.
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,302, Reputation: 7692
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    #10

    Mar 8, 2008, 02:53 PM
    First of course there is still chances of getting pregnant even from the early fluid, so this will not stop you from getting pregnant at all. Ask about the 100 people who have posted on that here over the past year.

    Next of course there is some problem on "HIS" side of this is your side of the story is correct.

    A few thoughts ?

    1. Does he watch a lot of Pron, or did he use to watch a lot ?

    I ask this since normally at the end of most porn they do it by hand outside the lady. And often porn has a way of destroying healthly sex life.

    2. How long is a long time ?

    Are you talkling about 30 minutes or a hour, how long is long Is it a matter of you needing to last longer or perhaps there is more foreplay needed on him before you ever start.

    In the end it sounds like he first has no respect for your feelings and is merely having sex not making love.
    R2A0V's Avatar
    R2A0V Posts: 6, Reputation: 1
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    #11

    Mar 10, 2008, 12:37 AM
    I thank you all very much for your inputs and to try and answer all the questions that you've all asked:

    Yes, my husband watches a lot of porn and enjoys it. I don't. And I've told him that because he watches a lot of porn and he expects me to do the things that they do on there, but there's no way and I can do those stuff. He has these expectations of sex by watching all the porn. Those people are sex experts. They do stuff that I'm sure no NORMAL person would be able to do.
    And yes, he does play with himself watching the porn. And yes, I have also told him that he is too used to his hand. He is forever playing with himself. He doesn't give me a chance and when we do, like I said that we will have sex and once my vagina expands he says that I am too big now and he doesn't have any feelings and there's no enjoyment now.

    My husband does have a problem with his mind. He was attacked in his shop and he still gets afraid sometimes (actually a lot more times). I don't know why but he seems to be still 'holding' onto the bad experience. Its weird to be saying that he is still 'holding on to his bad experience' but that's exactly how I see it. Its like he doesn't want to go on with life and he keeps bring that up and if anything, I know that it's that, that's holding him back in moving forward in life.
    pasiria's Avatar
    pasiria Posts: 161, Reputation: 29
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    #12

    Mar 10, 2008, 01:01 AM
    I agree with Chuck. I once had a boyfriend who lasted about 2 hours and we had to take breaks in between. He was a very attractive and intelligent man who happened to be under anti-depressants. Anyway, after he stopped the meds, he lasted only about one hour. Maybe you are having an early orgasm. Again, I totally agree with Chuck. And about the comment about your vagina-verbal assult involves berating, belittling, criticizing, name calling, screaming... ect. Verbal abuse assults the mind and the spirit causing wounds that are extremely difficult to heal. Over time this can affect yourself esteem. Never allow anyone to critize your intimate parts like that. You deserve respect. I know eveyone is different, but I wouldn't have ever allowed that and I would have dumped the guy. Of course, you must be very patient and nice. Good luck.
    liverpool75's Avatar
    liverpool75 Posts: 58, Reputation: 1
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    #13

    Mar 10, 2008, 04:08 AM
    It sounds to me that he's masturbating a lot during the day and that's why its taking him longer to come.sorry hun but his penis must be small and not your vagina to big that's why he can't feel anything.ask him does he masturbate a lot during the day and if he does tell him to cut down or stop for a few days and he will enjoy sex better and come a lot quicker.hope this helps.
    Rob9234's Avatar
    Rob9234 Posts: n/a, Reputation:
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    #14

    Apr 6, 2008, 09:41 AM
    I had this problem years ago when my wife and I first had met. She would lubricate so much that there was not enough stimulation and I would lose my erections. She asked me what was wrong and I told her, politely. She did PC muscle exercises and it worked. She would tighten her grip on me during sex and I stayed erect an would ejaculate normally. Over the years, the excessive lubtication issue went away and we had normal sex.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,321, Reputation: 10855
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    #15

    Apr 6, 2008, 10:57 AM
    Maybe he needs to leave the porn, and the self love alone, and with hold sex for a while. Talk to him about having a child, and gauge his reactions. I'm not buying his excuses, nor the ones you are making for him. If he can reach his own orgasm manually, he can get you pregnant. Talk of having a family, and make sure he is okay with it, and not just giving lip service. If he is serious, he will do what it takes, and not back away from his part. He has issues he hasn't brought to light.
    smoothy's Avatar
    smoothy Posts: 25,495, Reputation: 2853
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    #16

    Apr 8, 2008, 11:13 AM
    First off it was rude , very rude for him to make the loose comment. That not acceptable for any reason.

    Just an FYI for 99.99% of guys a woman that's on the looser side makes for a longer love making session. Which is not a bad thing. A tighter than average woman will be more likely to have guys finish long before she does without extraordinary measures being taken.


    But the root of this all is I also believe he isn't ready for a child and he feels afraid or ashamed to tell you this.
    Hurting J's Avatar
    Hurting J Posts: 3, Reputation: 1
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    #17

    Apr 8, 2008, 09:41 PM
    I have 25 years with the same woman and I can tell you that it is possible for a man not to feel himself inside his wife for some time. My wife went to the doctor and was told that she has a large Virginia. When you add the fact that a woman's Virginia will nomally strech while having sex a mans penis will get lost. One thing to help is to try different positions that will give you both more feeling. Aalso he can try and play with your clitorus while he is inside of you. It will cause your Virginia to contract giving you both more fufillment.
    4mrcadet's Avatar
    4mrcadet Posts: 6, Reputation: 2
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    #18

    Apr 9, 2008, 02:30 PM
    I say that you need to wean him off the porn. Set a deadline, get the filth out of your marriage. Definitely accomplish this before having children. Having a baby will not solve your problem. Get counseling if you can get him to admit he has a problem, which he obviously does.
    reretoy's Avatar
    reretoy Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
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    #19

    Sep 27, 2008, 07:58 PM
    I'm so sorry to hear about your situation, I am in the same situation along with you :( I've been married for 10 years and I have spoken with my husband about having kids and he has only in our 10 years together ejaculated in me about 7 times. He tells me he wants children, but he is not doing what it takes to get me pregnant. It's sad, but I am contemplating leaving him.
    tiki123's Avatar
    tiki123 Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
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    #20

    Aug 13, 2009, 09:54 PM
    I know all about this my husband was doing the same thing. We've been married exactly two years this July together for 3 years. I'm really private but I think I can help you so I'd like to give you my answer. At first my husband made me feel the same way I have fibroids and a very limited time to have children. So, as soon as I met him I wanted kids. I kept bragging about my husband being my birth control and not having to take pills every week. But, then he started saying really mean things like your not patient enough for kids etc. etc. I'd be so hurt and get depressed until finally I brightened up and said wait a minute. This man hasn't had a full time permanent job since we've been together. It's not me that is the problem it is him. He's not ready for children and is trying to flip the switch on me physcologically to make me feel bad like I would be a good mom. Even though I've been a nanny for years and have been told by moms I'll make a great mom! I had a great mother so I knew this wasn't true in my heart. When we first got together he always told me I'd be a great mom. So, the issues lyed with him not me. I started telling him straight up no hands bard how I felt that he was the one that wasn't ready and how it hurts me when he says these things in a sincere way so he would get it and where trying to make babies now. I had to set him straight. I don't know why women are so afraid to say what is on their minds. Your together forever if your relationship is strong enough you should be able to scream, get emotional every once and a while and say what on your mind. Of course, I had to soften it up before he actually would listen to my mamma needs.

    Also, it's true if your husband wants to make a baby he can anytime. He needs to know how you really feel if he loves you he'll make that baby time and that masturbation stuff is nasty and selfish. No real man masturbates while he's married it's degrading to the marriage union there is a scripture that even supports that. It's nasty and its wrong.

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