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    Suewes715's Avatar
    Suewes715 Posts: 6, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Dec 13, 2015, 09:06 AM
    Husband asked me to sleep with a black man
    My husband has been asking me for a month to sleep with a older black man that he met online.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,006, Reputation: 10852
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    #2

    Dec 13, 2015, 09:17 AM
    What did you tell him? How do you feel about his request?
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    Suewes715 Posts: 6, Reputation: 1
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    #3

    Dec 13, 2015, 09:23 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by talaniman View Post
    What did you tell him? How do you feel about his request?
    Well at first it was just playing and I did agree it, but now it has turned very serious. I'm not worried about me I'm worried about my husband
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    talaniman Posts: 54,006, Reputation: 10852
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    #4

    Dec 13, 2015, 09:33 AM
    Don't worry about your husband. He will get over this if you are VERY CLEAR about the absurdity of his request. Tell him to sleep with the guy he met online and never bother you again with such an idea.

    PS, if he entertains your suggestion then you would have learned something you needed to know.
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    Suewes715 Posts: 6, Reputation: 1
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    #5

    Dec 13, 2015, 09:48 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by talaniman View Post
    Don't worry about your husband. He will get over this if you are VERY CLEAR about the absurdity of his request. Tell him to sleep with the guy he met online and never bother you again with such an idea.

    PS, if he entertains your suggestion then you would have learned something you needed to know.
    This isn't all his fault, this is mine too. And I did enjoy what we were doing.
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    joypulv Posts: 21,593, Reputation: 2941
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    #6

    Dec 13, 2015, 09:57 AM
    What exactly are you wanting to hear on this forum? Your original post didn't even have a question in it. Then you said you are only worried about your husband, but no clue what your worry is.

    One thing that bothers me is the relevance of race in all this. We don't know what race your husband is, or you are, and why/how that pertains to anything. I would think that the concern would be about a 3 some with a stranger.
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    talaniman Posts: 54,006, Reputation: 10852
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    #7

    Dec 13, 2015, 10:37 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by Suewes715 View Post
    This isn't all his fault, this is mine too. And I did enjoy what we were doing.
    What does this mean? Actually having other guys, or enjoying joking about it?
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    Suewes715 Posts: 6, Reputation: 1
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    #8

    Dec 13, 2015, 10:40 AM
    I'm sorry if I didn't give you enough information. We are a white couple! And my worry is that he will get jealous or something even though he says he won't.

    Quote Originally Posted by talaniman View Post
    What does this mean? Actually having other guys, or enjoying joking about it?
    We had been role playing with this man online and then leading to texting and phone calls
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    catonsville Posts: 894, Reputation: 91
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    #9

    Dec 13, 2015, 10:59 AM
    Games, Games always games and they can lead to bad times don't you think? If your husband is thinking like this, he does not hold you in high regard.
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    Suewes715 Posts: 6, Reputation: 1
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    #10

    Dec 13, 2015, 12:13 PM
    That's not fare to say about my husband.
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    tickle Posts: 23,801, Reputation: 2674
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    #11

    Dec 13, 2015, 12:47 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by Suewes715 View Post
    That's not fare to say about my husband.
    It may not be fair to say about your husband, but think about it. Why would your husband want to open up both of you to disease and STDs? Have you considered this? As for getting jealous, heck it was his idea wasn't it and it appears to me he didn't consider all the consequences.
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    joypulv Posts: 21,593, Reputation: 2941
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    #12

    Dec 13, 2015, 02:22 PM
    What are some reasons that men like to watch another man have sex with their women?
    Jealousy turns them on.
    Fantasies of saving you from a predator.
    Insecurity about their manliness. They want to see how you will respond to someone with more muscles and whatever.
    That's just 3. Why don't you ask HIM??
    I don't think you got my remark about the man's race. Ask your husband why that matters too. I'm not being totally PC, because maybe the black man likes sex with white women, who knows.
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    ma0641 Posts: 15,681, Reputation: 1012
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    #13

    Dec 13, 2015, 03:00 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by Suewes715 View Post
    That's not fare to say about my husband.
    Sorry, Very FAIR to say, he has no respect for you.
    tickle's Avatar
    tickle Posts: 23,801, Reputation: 2674
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    #14

    Dec 13, 2015, 03:56 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by joypulv View Post
    What are some reasons that men like to watch another man have sex with their women?
    Jealousy turns them on.
    Fantasies of saving you from a predator.
    Insecurity about their manliness. They want to see how you will respond to someone with more muscles and whatever.
    That's just 3. Why don't you ask HIM??
    I don't think you got my remark about the man's race. Ask your husband why that matters too. I'm not being totally PC, because maybe the black man likes sex with white women, who knows.
    They say once u go black, you never go back. Could be the husband has size issues.
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    Cat1864 Posts: 8,007, Reputation: 3687
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    #15

    Dec 13, 2015, 04:00 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by Suewes715 View Post
    I'm sorry if I didn't give you enough information. We are a white couple! And my worry is that he will get jealous or something even though he says he won't.

    We had been role playing with this man online and then leading to texting and phone calls
    Is it your husband's idea or yours or both? I am starting to get the impression that it may be more your desire than his to take it from the realm of fantasy into reality. If it is his idea, why do you not believe that he can handle his jealousy or other negative thoughts and emotions?

    You have supposedly been playing games with your husband and this person. What have your rules been for the distance game playing? Has your only contact with the gentleman been with your husband present and participating? Has he ever shown any jealousy during the playing?

    You know your husband. You have been playing with both men for awhile. You know how in depth the fantasies have gotten. You know how your husband has responded before, during and after the sessions of play. If you know all that and are still asking strangers on a website if the man you live with and communicate with on a daily basis would get jealous over you having sex with another man and him at the same time, then don't do it. You don't trust him to be honest about his feelings and will end up causing him to become jealous or upset by trying to reassure you that he is okay.
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    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,292, Reputation: 7691
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    #16

    Dec 13, 2015, 09:32 PM
    Some people do and have sex games, and some include other partners. So have you been sharing partners before, men or women.

    if so, a black man is just another man, (unless there is really racist issues)

    If this is the first time, and you do not want to, just say no.

    Some couples do it all the time with no problems, others have issues soon after and end up in divorce.

    You have not provided enough info, on what you are doing, have done, and want to do.

    what about another girl, if he wants it ? Or three men? Where are limits or rules, if you play these games.

    For those that do play, having a partner you do not know, (so you do not see them every day) but that also runs a large risk in disease, wish random internet people.
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    Suewes715 Posts: 6, Reputation: 1
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    #17

    Dec 14, 2015, 04:36 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck View Post
    Some people do and have sex games, and some include other partners. So have you been sharing partners before, men or women.

    if so, a black man is just another man, (unless there is really racist issues)

    If this is the first time, and you do not want to, just say no.

    Some couples do it all the time with no problems, others have issues soon after and end up in divorce.

    You have not provided enough info, on what you are doing, have done, and want to do.

    what about another girl, if he wants it ? Or three men? Where are limits or rules, if you play these games.

    For those that do play, having a partner you do not know, (so you do not see them every day) but that also runs a large risk in disease, wish random internet people.
    Fr Chuck,
    It has all been online playing. I did meet the man but it was just for coffee. It has been role playing games and escalated to phone sex and sexting.

    We have never cheated on each other or had a threesome or anything like that.

    It it would not be a onetime thing I told my husband if we did it it would have to be a friendship relationship.
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,292, Reputation: 7691
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    #18

    Dec 14, 2015, 05:13 AM
    There is a big difference between phone sex, even some online video and actual sex. Although it is a slope often traveled to.

    It appears you do not want to, so just tell husband no.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,006, Reputation: 10852
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    #19

    Dec 14, 2015, 05:25 AM
    Am I getting this right? You are open to the possibility of having sex with this fellow but you are worried your husband can't handle it, even though he says he can, and is encouraging you in this direction. I think you and hubby better have some very clear rules and boundaries of what would be acceptable before you go any further.

    LOL, if it gets to a point you do get "friendly" with this fellow, can you just stop this friendship? The whole issue of getting into this SWINGER relationship are RULES between you. As was said what happens when he wants a "friend" too? What if YOU are the jealous one? Sex with others complicates things unless the couple are truly strong enough to respect the boundaries they thoughtfully set. There are many cultures that already allow for a discreet outside the marriage sexual encounter to happen, and this I suppose would be no different.

    In any human "game" the rules must be very clear, understood by both, and ADHERED to or there is hell to pay. Some thrive, others don't survive, but that's always the risk with any game couples indulges themselves in.
    Oliver2011's Avatar
    Oliver2011 Posts: 2,606, Reputation: 746
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    #20

    Dec 14, 2015, 06:10 AM
    Oy vey! Too many games for my tastes. And the thought of my partner touching someone else or being touched by someone else makes my blood boil. Where do your game stop? You two sound like you are moving your relationship into an area that either you will regret or that will move you two further apart from each other. Neither path is to my liking but that is just me.

    Quote Originally Posted by Suewes715 View Post
    Fr Chuck,
    It has all been online playing. I did meet the man but it was just for coffee. It has been role playing games and escalated to phone sex and sexting.

    We have never cheated on each other or had a threesome or anything like that.

    It it would not be a onetime thing I told my husband if we did it it would have to be a friendship relationship.

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