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    My husband

    Asked Jan 16, 2007, 10:44 AM 4 Answers
    I need to know why my don't want sex. We;v been maryed for 11 years. And when we do have sex I do all the work he dose nothing but lyse there he come in from work and sat around until is time to go to bed .but before he goose to bed he eats sweet at night and fills his stomach so full that it makes tired . He takes zanax and (V) THERE A PAIN KILLER you no what I mean .I don't get sex from him maybe one or two times a month he is mean to me he call me names he puts me downand them when he feel bad about what he did to me he said he's sorry he tell me he loves me but I don't get it why is he like that . When I ask him for sex he gose off on me put me on a guilt trip over telling me about how early he gets up and then sometimes there will be a fight because of me asking for sex I'm 47 he's 49 he just truned 49 please help what's wrong
    Last edited by QTcantgetright; Jan 16, 2007 at 11:08 AM.
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    Megg's Avatar
    Megg Posts: 421, Reputation: 53
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    #2

    Jan 16, 2007, 10:51 AM
    I think if he isn't listening to you and caring about how you feel there I a serious problem. If your asking for sex too much he will pull away, sometime's men like to start it first. If he's calling you name's and putting you down, maybe he's doing thing's behind your back and trying to get you to end your relationship so he can move on. Maybe he doesn't love you back anymore. These are hard things to swallow and take, but possibilities. Trust me none of us would want to think that would happen to US. But it can, and you didn't say how long you've been together or how your relationship has been in the past. But based on your post I think you need to move on. He's clearly a jerk. No one should deal with being mad fun of or caused pain.
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    colonel000036's Avatar
    colonel000036 Posts: 32, Reputation: 3
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    #3

    Jan 27, 2007, 08:23 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by QTcantgetright
    i need to know why my dont want sex. we;v been maryed for 11 years. and when we do have sex i do all the work he dose nothing but lyse there he come in from work and and sat around until is time to go to bed .but before he goose to bed he eats sweet at night and fills his stomach so full that it makes tired . he takes zanax and (V) THERE A PAIN KILLER you no what i mean .i dont get sex from him maybe one or two times a month he is mean to me he call me names he puts me downand them when he feel bad about what he did to me he said hes sorry he tell me he loves me but i dont get it why is he like that . when i ask him for sex he gose off on me put me on a guilt trip over telling me about how early he gets up and then sometimes there will be a fight because of me asking for sex im 47 hes 49 he just truned 49 please help whats wrong
    I feel your pain. My wife usually complains non stop about how tired she is during the week and how she is having her period or the stress from her part time job... then she will tease me with the old wink and tonights the night kind of look. When bed time rolls around she usually rolls over and fake mumbles something like "ni..honey..." and its lights out. She does work hard. So do I. When there is no emotion in a relationship, no contact at all what do you do? I guess I didn't help you a whole lot other than letting you know there are guys out there that do need the touch and affection to feel worth. Is your husband outgoing or an introvert? My wife is really introverted and so non touchy feely it kills me. I am the opposite. So anytime I try to hug or approach she goes into the defense mode and thinks I am going to tickle her or something. I guess we all have our own boat to row.
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    chippers's Avatar
    chippers Posts: 440, Reputation: 88
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    #4

    Jan 27, 2007, 08:41 PM
    maybe he has something on his mind. Stress can be a big sex turn off. You say he's taking meds like xanax and vicodin (I guessed with the V) one's for stress an d the others for pain. The fact he's eatting sweets at night he's comforting himself with food. His anger and being mean may not be directed at you, but rather you might be in the line of fire at the time. He's carrying something heavy on his shoulders and may not know how to express it. Unfortunately men had been raised to not show weakness by not showing emotion. Like the expression, take it like a man. They are conditioned to be the stronger ones. To provide and protect their families.
    there's also the chance your husband could be feeling depressed, lack of interest in sex, easily irritated, trouble sleeping. Talk to him gently. Tell him you love him and you're there if he wants to talk, that you know he has something heavy on his mind. Be supportive not pushy. He'll open up when he's ready. Counselling might help as well. Let hubby know you're there for him and he's safe. Ease up on wanting sex for a bit. Sometimes just a cuddle is enough. And exactly what he might need.
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    darkmagickalwolf's Avatar
    darkmagickalwolf Posts: 3, Reputation: 2
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    #5

    Jan 28, 2007, 11:36 AM
    Wow, I have read everything that has been posted and some of it is some sound advice. The best thing that I can suggest is find out why... Why is he doing what he is and acting the way he is... People react different to many different things. The biggest thing here is not to jump the gun sort of to say. You don't want to just presume something it may be wrong. Find the reason for something and then you can solve the problem. Some possible things that could be cause some of these issues are:

    Another woman
    Stress out
    Depression - over who knows what
    Feeling that he isn't skilled enough for you - self doubt in the bedroom
    Bord - sexual activiest have become to routine

    With out knowing exactly why there is no way to possible know the correct answer. Communication is a great tool but if he doesn't want to talk about it that can make it even harder and trust me any man that thinks he is lacking anything sure doesn't want to talk about it or if he feel he might hurt your feelings in the process he may not want to talk about it either... I wish you the best of luck but again get to the root of the issue before you do anything so you know what you are dealing with...
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