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lu1000 · Oct 21, 2009, 06:09 PM

My boyfriend and I (I'm female) have been together for almost 4 years. He is 12 years older than me, and I'm in my early 20's. We have never had an amazing sex life, but over the last year it has dwindled to almost nothing.
We have had great sex on the occasion, but now I am lucky if we have sex twice a month. My boyfriend doesn't like it if I try to initiate sex, he always seems to push me away. I know that he loves me, and he isn't cheating on me. We just seem to have become more friends than lovers. And it is driving me crazy... I don't think I have an abnormal sex drive, but sex is very important to me in a relationship. Has anyone experienced this before? Does anyone have any tips for getting us back on track?

rockie100 · Oct 21, 2009, 08:40 PM

Have you sat him down and flat out asked him why he doesn't want sex very often? Why he would push you away when you do? This, I feel would make me feel rejected. I would need answers. If he feels you two seem more like friends than lovers this could be a problem. You see, you need to be both for a good and lasting relationship. It very normal to have needs as yours, your partner should respond to them favorably. You two need a talk.

Gemini54 · Oct 21, 2009, 09:54 PM

Have you had a chance to read any of the posts in this section? Take the time to do so, and you will see that you're not alone! Differing sexual needs (for whatever reason) are extremely common, and for some people extremely distressing, in relationships.

Having said all that, it's good to rule out any physical or emotional causes - is he healthy? Is he depressed? Is his testosterone low? Does he take drugs (legal or illegal), drink or do anything else that might reduce his libido?

Have you talked about this issue? For men in particular it can be a difficult subject to discuss and they may feel defensive about the implication that they are not sexual enough.

However, once other reasons have been eliminated, talking is really the only way you can resolve this, and you need to try and get sense of what he is thinking and feeling - it may genuinely be that he's not interested in sex (surprisingly, some men aren't), or there may be a deeper issue involved.

I suspect there is no easy answer, but I'm sure other posters will have interesting insights.