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    Anansanja's Avatar
    Anansanja Posts: 5, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Nov 26, 2017, 05:30 AM
    How do I Confront by Wicked relative over my rape ?
    Hi, I am 19 years old boy, My male cousin is 3 years older than me, some years back when he was in class 11th and I was in class 8th he used to live with us as he was studying in the same city, when I was around 15 years one day when he and me was alone, he asked me to suck his and tried to forced me into sex but when I refused and protest he got violent, he over powered me and butt ed me and threatened me not to tell any one other wise he would reveal this video to everyone, at first I could not dare to tell about this anyone in my home, but after some day I told this all to my family, but since my cousin's father has much influenced over my family so nothing more happened, they just scolded my cousin and he left my home, thought I didn't want still this incident got spread over my entire family and this got me lots of trouble and embarrassment, now 4-5 years has been passed and now again he has started in coming to my other uncle's home again, since my other male and female cousin also know all this so sometimes the annoy and tease me when he comes to their home and some weeks ago one of my other cousin showed me that the same video clips in which he was raping me and I got nervous and I tried to forget again about this but some days before I was just checking my sister's mobile for songs and I found same video in my sister's mobile!! WHICH MADE ME SO SHOCKED AND PERPLEXED AND SPEECHLESS. What I do now ?
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,043, Reputation: 10852
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    #2

    Nov 26, 2017, 09:50 AM
    In what kind of environment do you live where you are subject to the whims and actions of more powerful people? I would remove myself completely from this environment if I could since obviously you are the example to keep others in there proper place to be subjugated by this more influential person/family. You certainly have NO SUPPORT, so escape is the course to consider.

    I doubt seriously if you are the ONLY victims of this bully, and there's probably many like you. If you cannot stand up for yourself LEAVE for a safer environment.

    Back to you.
    Anansanja's Avatar
    Anansanja Posts: 5, Reputation: 1
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    #3

    Nov 26, 2017, 10:06 AM
    He is my cousin but he is rich and powerful, he overpowered me and rapes me and now he is just making fun of my rape, he is showing and sharing that video to my cousins and sadly I found that video even in my sister's phone.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,043, Reputation: 10852
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    #4

    Nov 26, 2017, 11:19 AM
    Stand or RUN, those are your choices. The bully runs your (small?) village. Anything else I am afraid gets your A$$ kicked and further humiliation. AGREED?
    Anansanja's Avatar
    Anansanja Posts: 5, Reputation: 1
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    #5

    Nov 26, 2017, 11:08 PM
    I want to stand for myself but I feel lack of support so I could not dare to fight back, And he is taking advantage of my weak situation.
    Oliver2011's Avatar
    Oliver2011 Posts: 2,606, Reputation: 746
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    #6

    Nov 27, 2017, 05:36 AM
    You have a horrible living situation. Confronting your cousin will only make the situation worse in my opinion. It would be different if he had any remorse at all but it doesn't sound like that is possible.

    I would like to hear from you on what you think your options might be. Consider them all and don't leave any on the table.
    joypulv's Avatar
    joypulv Posts: 21,593, Reputation: 2941
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    #7

    Nov 27, 2017, 06:06 AM
    The responses you are getting here so far are from parts of the world where money and influence don't stop victims from calling the police, at least not as much. This goes on all over the world in varying degrees.
    To my mind, you have 2 choices, now that you are an adult: you either REALLY stand up to him, or you leave your family.
    And standing up to HIM also means you stand up to your WHOLE FAMILY. Shame on them for keeping the video, maybe even sharing it. Shame on your parents, for caring more about the power that his family has over yours.
    You have an obligation to your own sense of self to stand up or go out on your own, without support. If you continue to do neither, you are giving in to the same things your parents are giving in to.

    Plan your confrontation. I would write your thoughts down. When you do confront everyone, don't allow for interruption. Finish your speech.
    If you make any promises, be confident in your mind that you will follow through. 100%.

    Is there any help from the authorities where you are? Can you at least go talk to them, talking in the hypothetical? Be sure you get a copy of the video for yourself. You may need it someday. Here in the US, I would have called the police for the criminal action plus sued him in civil court, for monetary damages. That's how it works here.

    Good luck.
    Anansanja's Avatar
    Anansanja Posts: 5, Reputation: 1
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    #8

    Nov 28, 2017, 10:01 PM
    I have options to fight back, or just ignore all of them, move away or befriend all of them, but as if now every option is equally tough for me, I tried one two things to confront the situation, even I tried to fight back and raised my voice against them but I gave up because lack of support.I might need to tell you more to make you people understand but I feel like hesitation.
    Anansanja's Avatar
    Anansanja Posts: 5, Reputation: 1
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    #9

    Nov 28, 2017, 10:12 PM
    Wish I was living in a better country or place where money and power had no such influence over victim or his family, but here things are quite different, also there are some weakness in my own family, My father had suffered heavy loss in his small business and he had borrowed money from my cousin's father, also My father is very insensitive and careless person, he often drink and fight with evey one, anyway like I said my father don't have good relationship with other Uncle's ( brothers of my father) and their families, so I too don't have good relationship with my other cousins, so when they got to know about what was done to me, they got a chance to tease and annoy me, it's quite long and complicated story, yes I can get a copy of that video but I don't think it will work.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,043, Reputation: 10852
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    #10

    Nov 29, 2017, 05:23 AM
    I am sure your story is long and complicated and SAD! Unfortunately my friend wishing for a better family, country, or situation is not the answer. You cannot change what has happened, or how your people choose to treat you, and I am sure you feel powerless to change anything at all. This is not true though, as you can change what you do about you. You don't have to keep seeing yourself as a victim, dependent on others for support. That's not going to happen, so support YOURSELF, and make the difficult choice to remove yourself from this really bad circumstance.

    Start making a plan TODAY instead of just wishing, and then go for it! You can be better, and find better, despite your miserable beginnings, if you try to break this cycle of dependence and victimhood. Many young men your age seek a better life, and all you need is the courage and balls to leave this one behind you. It really is up to you, and such a challenge would seem to be better than wallowing in your own misery. Life can knock us down, but you must find a way to stand on your own two feet.

    What will you choose to do for yourself? You may as well believe in yourself, because that's ALL you have.

    Back to you.
    joypulv's Avatar
    joypulv Posts: 21,593, Reputation: 2941
    current pert
     
    #11

    Nov 29, 2017, 11:20 AM
    Your English is good (I'm assuming you speak 2 or more languages).
    Time to leave. Plan it, save some money, and announce it the last day, and leave. Your family is no good; your cousin's family is no good.
    Do this for your own integrity.
    DO NOT announce you are leaving until you are 100% positive you are!

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