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    roze18's Avatar
    roze18 Posts: 11, Reputation: 5
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    #1

    Jun 27, 2006, 12:55 PM
    To get an orgasm
    I have been reading up about it a lot because if you have read my other question I haven't been able to get an orgasm for 5 months of being sexually active with my boyfriend.

    Now the question. Does masturbating actually work? Or is buying a vibrator a way to go? Or am I just giving up to quick?

    I am at a loss because I want to have fun and I don't want my boyfriend to get down on himself about being done to fast and not being able to satisfy me.
    J_9's Avatar
    J_9 Posts: 40,277, Reputation: 5644
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    #2

    Jun 27, 2006, 01:00 PM
    Okay, masturbation really does work if you know how to please yourself. Not only that, but it can also turn the boyfriend on.

    There are many different positions, some work for others, some don't you have to experiment. Honestly, some women I know never have had an orgasm, but that does not stop them.

    Take your time. Sometimes just the pressure of expecting an orgasm can cause you not to have one. Just relax.

    Also, using your imagination during sex can help.
    roze18's Avatar
    roze18 Posts: 11, Reputation: 5
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    #3

    Jun 27, 2006, 01:08 PM
    Hhmmm, well for some reason I am still subconcious about my body and I feel dirty if I ever feel like doing that.

    When we experiment with some positions it can be fun, but there are some that again (here are these words again) that make me feel dirty

    But going off topic for a section when he thrusts sometimes I get this weird painful feeling. Is he penetrating to far or I am still ne at this... cause at times it happens and I can't ignore it and it turns me way off cause it hurts.

    So I guess I am still very clueless and need a whole lot of advice
    J_9's Avatar
    J_9 Posts: 40,277, Reputation: 5644
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    #4

    Jun 27, 2006, 01:56 PM
    Well, the thrusting can be painful until you are used to it, and that can take a while.

    I am assuming you are relatively young, at least at heart, from your post.

    Yes, you may feel dirty, but it is all normal really.

    Before you can teach him what feels good to you, you must know yourself. And, yes, you have to teach him. He is not a woman, so he does not know how a woman feels. You need to explore your own body either by yourself (preferably) or with him. When he touches you in a way that feels good let him know that it feels good. We cannot assume that our men know how to make us feel good, cause they don't. This is all a learning experience.

    I have been with my hubby for 15 years and I still tell him what new things work and what things don't work. Of course, you have to tell them in the right way what does not work so as not to offend them. LOL
    JoeCanada76's Avatar
    JoeCanada76 Posts: 6,669, Reputation: 1707
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    #5

    Jun 27, 2006, 01:59 PM
    Foreplay, masturbation, practise and more foreplay, practise and masturbation and more foreplay. The more you explore your own body on your own or even with your boyfriend the more he will know on how to pleasure you.
    Depressed in MO's Avatar
    Depressed in MO Posts: 571, Reputation: 94
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    #6

    Jun 27, 2006, 02:23 PM
    You want to orgasm? Get on top of him. Take control and move at your own pace. Then as you are riding him on top (I recommend doing it slow until you are wet enough) have him gently rub your clitorious (did I spell that right?)and just move your hips back and forth... slowly. This will make you even wetter and most likely you will *** in 30 seconds to a minute.
    You have to think sexual thoughts. Think about porn or something that you saw at one point that really turned you on while you are doing this. It is not wrong, it is not sinful, it is all good...
    J_9's Avatar
    J_9 Posts: 40,277, Reputation: 5644
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    #7

    Jun 27, 2006, 02:25 PM
    Fantasizing is very important, and it works!
    educatedhorse_2005's Avatar
    educatedhorse_2005 Posts: 500, Reputation: 78
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    #8

    Jun 27, 2006, 06:15 PM
    You have what is called the good girl syndrome.
    You think that masturbation is bad you probably think ****jobs are bad.
    And you think doggie style is bad.
    They are not bad.
    Masturbation helps you find what you like.
    ****jobs keeps him on his toes and faithful.
    Doggie style keeps things interesting.
    Remember have fun and practice makes perfect.
    valinors_sorrow's Avatar
    valinors_sorrow Posts: 2,927, Reputation: 653
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    #9

    Jun 27, 2006, 10:06 PM
    You have many good things to consider that have been offered here. I would like to add this in response to this one thing you said...

    Quote Originally Posted by roze18
    when he thrusts sometimes i get this weird painful feeling. is he penetrating to far or i am still ne at this...cause at times it happens and i can't ignore it and it turns me way off cause it hurts.
    At the risk of sounding like an anatomy lesson, men comes in sizes and women come in sizes. If a man with a longer penis matches up with a woman with a shorter vagina, thrusting can cause the penis to hit the cervix. Not only is that not a fun feeling at all but repeated cervix battering is not healthy either. Some people may have trouble believing this is possible but I know firsthand.

    If this is the case with you two, he needs to learn not to be so deep inside, or to thrust hard only to a certain point and then augment with shallower strokes. Also there are some positions that will increase or diminish this problem so experiment to find what works.

    It can be very challenging to become or sustain arousal if you are experiencing discomfort too much of the time. Feel free to address the actions that don't feel right.

    I hope this helps and please ask further questions if you have more, okay?
    Chery's Avatar
    Chery Posts: 3,667, Reputation: 698
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    #10

    Jun 28, 2006, 05:19 AM
    I think one of the key issue here is your feeling about sexuality in it's entirety. The words 'dirty' probably come up in your mind a lot, and this could be because of the way you were brought up.

    When I was a teenager, sex was never mentioned in our home, I didn't even know what menstruation was until I had an accident at school and my teacher educated me. Not knowing anything about sex, I was also raped at 15 - and this took me a long time to get over - didn't get help from Mom, or anyone else.

    As I matured, and was working in the OB/GYN Clinic, I finally realized that women CAN enjoy sex just as much as men do, and that it's OK to leave the lights on, and even walk around naked in front of my man.

    Plain and simple, I was a prude until I met a man who understood this and helped me one step at a time to start enjoying my sexuality and that there was nothing wrong with me. After that, the physical pains that I experienced went away because I was not so 'cramped' in the relationship.

    But, it did take me a long time to 'convert' and WOW, what a change.
    When you see your doctor, talk to him/her about your 'subconscious' aversion. This could be one of the causes that prevent you from enjoying yourself. A healthy attitude can make a big difference.


    Good luck dear - and keep on asking, as valinors.. says - we all had to experiment and learn. This does not come 'natural' to any woman.

    roze18's Avatar
    roze18 Posts: 11, Reputation: 5
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    #11

    Jun 28, 2006, 02:02 PM
    Hi there, again... lol...

    Demonspeeding_2005:
    Yeah, I probably do have it. And at one point I did think blow jobs were "bad", but my boyfriend mentioned that he didn't expect it but it felt good.. I didn't give a blow job until a month or so later after we had sex. He thought it was strange because usually blow jobs come before sex... ahh... wierd huh?
    I have done doggie style... but I was really drunk... and I said I would do he's bidding. I felt disgusting afterwards because I did it when I was drunk, in the back of one of my best guy friends van, and without a condom... man did I feel disgusting. But thanfkully the good news was he didn't *** in me. But thanks... I'll keep what you said in mind...
    But having this good girl system... is it bad to have when you are sexually active?

    valinors_sorrow:
    Well I haven't checked into this whole thing of his penis is to big and my vagina is to small. Sometimes I make him go farther for affect, just at some points it really hurts. And maybe it is what you say; it would make him smile knowing he's too big... lol... but could it be anything else? Or should I really consult a doctor?

    Chery:
    The way I was brought up. I don't remember them saying it, and my mom never had the sex talk with me. Our family history is pretty serious. My sister was molested by my grandfather for a number of years. And I was molested by my cousin until my family split apart from that side (I have never told my family... with what happened to my sister they could never forgive themselves) and then was fondle and fingered while away on a trip in the dominican; my friend said it was rape because he was holding my arms with hand behind my back and I was screaming please don't; so technically I was.

    I do in some ways consider it to be dirty, but when I was first fingered by my b/f... I remember my cousin and I had flashbacks. It was a bad night after that. I kept in the dark corner while he laid on my friends bed watching the movie. No experience I have had at the beginning feels good, because of what has happened.

    I have been getting over it. And I too have found someone I trust and can be comfortable with. I tell him everything, but I have a negative, cynical side and it comes out when I talk about myself. I truly hate my body and what I stand for.

    What I am actually scared is, that I am not allowing myself to have an orgasm... is my sub conscious killing myself life?

    Sorry to go into detail. I get emotional while writing about it... lol...
    Chery's Avatar
    Chery Posts: 3,667, Reputation: 698
    Gone, But Not Forgotten
     
    #12

    Jun 30, 2006, 12:18 PM
    That's OK, Rose... What you revealed about yourself and that this sometimes gave you 'flashbacks' is exactly what is preventing you from blossoming into a woman with a healthy attitude towards sex, and life in general.

    Some of us can emotionally put it in the back of our minds, but believe me, if you don't work at it with a professional, it will crop up in the most inappropriate time.

    I too thought that all was well after the first successful 'encounter', but after I got married, and my husband 'demanded' sex even when I was not ready brought back very deep pains of my youth. I too was raped, but this was shunned and negated by my mother - she said that "I asked for it"... And it was not until several years of 'just going through the motions' with men after my divorce.. that I realized that I had to really get it all out.

    You might not know it, but I'm also a recovering alcoholic - been dry for 20 years now.. But my youth, marriage, and past relationship with my mother were an integral part of my turning into a 'drunk'. I lost a lot of valuable years because of this, and only after therapy in a clinic for 5 1/2 months, was I able to get rid of alcohol and all the other 'baggage' I carried around with me in my sub conscience for so long. Without that therapy I don't know if I would be here today.
    And it was due to that life-saving therapy that I studied psychology myself because I wanted so much to help others out of their desperation, since I received my chance - I wanted to give something back.

    You don't need to take the 'alcoholic' step to relieve yourself of your baggage... you can jump over that part and seek therapeutic help before it gets that far. Think about it, and talk to someone about your past - it will hurt, and you will get emotional over it again, but it needs to be brought out and worked on.

    I really, really hope that you find someone you trust to help you work this out, you'll be surprised at the emotional relief you'll feel. It's a whole new world out there for you to discover.

    All the best to you dear, and keep us informed on how you plan on dealing with your past so that your future has the opportunity to look a hell of a lot brighter.

    Most alcoholics will tell you the reason they reached for the bottle was because they've kept things 'bottled-up' for too long..
    nero2's Avatar
    nero2 Posts: 51, Reputation: 0
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    #13

    Aug 15, 2006, 03:43 AM
    Yes, maturbating really works but need to do it correctly ask other post I mention before. Inserting your finger into her vagina about 2 inches, with your finger pointing up toward her abdomen. You will probably feel a small area of spongy tissue this is the G-spot! To stimulate the G-spot, curl your finger and extend it repeatedly, making a kind of "come hither" gesture with your finger.

    U can teach him how to do it so he can do it for u and get him comments on how you feel. For toys and vibrater also will help also. Hope this helps
    poesia's Avatar
    poesia Posts: 10, Reputation: 1
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    #14

    Aug 16, 2006, 01:51 AM
    First off, I will say that I am a STRONG advocate of masturbation. It allows you to get to know your body and figure out what feels good and what doesn't. Guys don't have female parts, so they're usually pretty clueless about how to pleasure a girl, and even if they have experience, what feels good to another girl may not be what works for you. You need to explore and find out for yourself so you can guide your boyfriend to your pleasure areas. Also, many girls aren't able to orgasm by penetration alone, and need added clitoral stimulation. Masturbation can help you figure out if this is the case for you. I highly recommend getting a vibrator... they're very fun and ALWAYS get the job done (at least for me)! : )
    Kadehadaire's Avatar
    Kadehadaire Posts: 197, Reputation: 10
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    #15

    Aug 16, 2006, 02:59 AM
    Exploration is part of the fun.
    Tenderspirit's Avatar
    Tenderspirit Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
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    #16

    Aug 23, 2006, 01:48 AM
    Rose: I agree with all the pre-stated post. But most of all with Chery. Your upbringing and things that you were taught at home rather they were said out loud or you just received the message, have a great deal to do with how you personally feel about sex. There is a really good book called Everything you Want to Know About Sex but Were Afraid to Ask. When I was your age, and God knows that was many many moons ago, I found that book and read it. If your not into reading then just chuck that advice. But it is very important to remember that there is nothing that is dirty. Sex is a mutual sharing between two people. I personally am not into S and M but for some people that is their thing. I have learned as I have grown older that it is not my place to judge people for their sexual behaviors. It is my place to feel comfortable about what I and my partner are doing to pleasure each other. We all have our needs, wants, likes, and dislikes. I too felt very uncomfortable with my own body and making love with the lights on. I always thought I was fat. (I wasn't, but that did not matter) I learned to make love with a dim light on first. Then as I became more comfortable I could then have the lights on walk around naked etc. For women it is sometimes a difficult thing learning healthy sexuality. When in high school they used to say things like that is a good girl and that is a nice girl. The nice girl was the one who put out etc. Getting past all that teenage crap is a hard one. If you care deeply for this man and he for you then enjoy each other in any manner that you feel comfortable. Little by little as you get to know each other better and have sex more you will get more comfortable. Perhaps you might try stepping a little out of your comfort zone and experimenting. That too do a little at a time. My pastor used to tell us that anything anyone did behind closed doors (and alone with each other) was not sin. I have always remembered that. Us women too deserve to enjoy sex as much as our partners. It is a joint venture. Hope this helps:rolleyes:
    vega's Avatar
    vega Posts: 5, Reputation: 1
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    #17

    Oct 7, 2006, 11:58 AM
    You know what my girlfriend has that dirty thing too now that I think about it. But she was never molested or anything like that- she ever so often just thinks its dirty.

    Although the only real reason we do it at all is that I lover her dearly so. She has not had an orgasm yet either.
    nero2's Avatar
    nero2 Posts: 51, Reputation: 0
    Junior Member
     
    #18

    Dec 5, 2006, 09:58 AM
    Hi, very sorry I never log in for very long already, so I never see or read your message you write to me.

    Ya maturbating really works and vibrators will work too. Of couse the main thing for all this is to find your "g" spot. Simulate your "g" spot will help you orgasm faster. I did it to my ex stead and she orgasm until she any how pee... that is the feeling of high feeling.

    Yes, maturbating really works but need to do it correctly ask other post I mention before. Inserting your finger into her vagina about 2 inches, with your finger pointing up toward her abdomen. You will probably feel a small area of spongy tissue this is the G-spot! To stimulate the G-spot, curl your finger and extend it repeatedly, making a kind of "come hither" gesture with your finger.

    U can teach him how to do it so he can do it for you and get him comments on how you feel. For toys and vibrater also will help also. Hope this helps



    Hope it helps u.

    Sorry again for late reply
    chelsie's Avatar
    chelsie Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
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    #19

    Dec 6, 2006, 09:06 PM
    I Have been dating my boy friend for about 2 months we just started having sex last week. It was my first time, we have had sex now about 5 times, and I haven't orgasimed yet. I am beginning to wonder why.
    nero2's Avatar
    nero2 Posts: 51, Reputation: 0
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    #20

    Dec 6, 2006, 09:42 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by chelsie
    I Have been dating my boy friend for about 2 months we just started having sex last week. It was my first time, we have had sex now about 5 times, and i havent orgasimed yet. I am beginning to wonder why.
    May be you can try what I write on top, hope it will help u. Simulating the clitoris also helps a lot. It u don't know where it is it is at the top of vagina lips and between it it u open the lips up u can find a sentitive lump there there is the clitoris where continus simulation will lead to orgasm. It really works wonder.

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