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    questionstoansw's Avatar
    questionstoansw Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Aug 7, 2014, 01:14 AM
    My gay boyfriend watches porn about Asians/Mexicans twinks but I am either
    My boyfriend had three pages full of porn websites about Asians and twinks... I'm not a twink and not Asian or Mexican (I'm Latino of other nationality) I can't stand the thought that he says he loves me but he fantasize of other people that are not even close to who I am. I caught him masturbarting twice and he denied it right on my face. Then recently he was watching porn know his phone. Is this normal? I mean... I watch porn too but nothing away from reality. And by the way I have nothing against Asians or Mexicans... like any other race I find every male attractive regardless of their nationalities.
    joypulv's Avatar
    joypulv Posts: 21,593, Reputation: 2941
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    #2

    Aug 7, 2014, 02:28 AM
    The only time porn and/or masturbating is a problem is if it interferes with the relationship between two people. If he is a good partner, and loving and caring, leave him alone. What the heck does 'I watch porn too but nothing away from reality' mean?
    As for race and nationality and body type (a twink is young and slender?), you say you don't care, but then are all hurt that they aren't just like you? Is that what you mean by reality? That's the whole idea of fantasies. Think of all the millions of boring unattractive people in couples who moon over some actor or actress or rock star. If you are jealous, you need to talk about it. But don't ruin a good thing over jealousy. Deal with it, like everyone does, for the sake of the relationship. Or find someone else.
    smoothy's Avatar
    smoothy Posts: 25,495, Reputation: 2853
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    #3

    Aug 7, 2014, 05:14 AM
    I highly doubt Police go home to watch COPS on TV every night... He likes that purely BECAUSE its something different.

    I personally like porn with Asian Women... my wife isn't Asian, and I've never even thought of dumping her for an Asian. It is what it is... don't try to make something out of something that was never there to begin with.
    Jake2008's Avatar
    Jake2008 Posts: 6,721, Reputation: 3460
    Emotional Health Expert
     
    #4

    Aug 7, 2014, 05:42 AM
    I don't think that porn is the issue here. And I don't think the slang term, twinkie, makes the situation any better, or worse.

    Any relationship that has a problem with any behavior of their partner, needs to be worked out. With porn, it feels like (sometimes) cheating because the needs of the partner are being met sexually- without their partner, and by other means.

    IF porn is changing your relationship- i.e. he spends all his free time on porn sites, or your needs are not being met, or even if it has evolved into an area of your relationship where there is no compromise, or understanding of how you feel, then it is time for the two of you to work out- together- how to solve the situation before it becomes the ONLY issue in your relationship, and it ends up tearing the two of you apart.

    Think about if this were another problem. If he spends a lot of free time in bars, and is breaking the bank account, and you can't pay the light bill. It is a problem, just like any other problem, and he might want to modify his behavior so the bills get paid.

    Just as he may be willing to modify his behavior, so that you are not feeling the way you are about what he is doing.

    He may have enjoyed porn long before you met him, and has no intention of stopping.

    Try a compromise instead, and see if he can't curb his appetite to be more sensitive to how you feel, and your needs.

    If he is unwilling to change, and this is a part of him that you cannot live with, then consider ending the relationship.
    Oliver2011's Avatar
    Oliver2011 Posts: 2,606, Reputation: 746
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    #5

    Aug 7, 2014, 05:52 AM
    You know I am torn about this subject. I used to look at porn. But the day my boyfriend and I started being together was the last time. And that was a while ago. Because we are in love it's not necessary in either of our lives now. I think I would be hurt as well if he did, which I know he doesn't.
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,272, Reputation: 7690
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    #6

    Aug 7, 2014, 05:55 AM
    It appears he does not hide it. A large amount of men, try to hide it.

    Prom is just a imagination. It is not about you. Is it really the porn issue or the Asian issue?
    Moogaman93's Avatar
    Moogaman93 Posts: 6, Reputation: 2
    Last son of Krypton
     
    #7

    Aug 19, 2014, 09:44 PM
    Its healthy I guess, you should start to worry when he's looking at straight porn I guess. He loves you I'm sure, and I'm also sure he has sexual feelings for you
    I'm not sure how to put it into words, um, just because he likes asian twinks to jerk off to doesn't mean he's in love with asian twinks, he's in love with you, and just because he loves you doesn't mean he has to masturbate to people who look like you
    I was with a large breasted European blonde girl whom I loved, but I really like petite brunettes, so I watched porn involving petite brunettes, doesn't mean I was going to cheat on her with women who looked like that, and maybe the fact that I could always have those kind of girls to masturbate to helped me not have a desire to cheat on her.
    I don't know man, I just hope I helped.
    CravenMorhead's Avatar
    CravenMorhead Posts: 4,532, Reputation: 1065
    Adult Sexuality Expert
     
    #8

    Aug 20, 2014, 06:26 AM
    I wouldn't be concerned with him watching straight porn. The only porn I would be worried about is illegal, like child porn or snuff or non-consensual. The phrasing is that the porn is a seed of fantasy, what's getting him hard at that point. It doesn't indicate desire but what is arousing him. The variety in my porn collect speaks to that let me assure you. The desire to cheat doesn't really correlate to lack of masturbation. There are deep seated biological reasons to cheat, but social constraints prevent us from doing it.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 53,881, Reputation: 10852
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    #9

    Aug 20, 2014, 06:19 PM
    Why does this bother you so much? What do you want him to do about it?

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