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    StarOfHope's Avatar
    StarOfHope Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Jul 5, 2015, 09:21 PM
    Discovered fiance's pregnancy porn fetish, during miscarriage
    Longs
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,292, Reputation: 7691
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    #2

    Jul 6, 2015, 12:39 AM
    First sorry for you loss.

    While I wish he could have been open about his fetish, (or did it start after you became pregnant?) But men do not like to talk about them, and show wives or girlfriends their video they watch. The reason, in the majority or all cases, we see it here, the wife takes it personal.

    His fetish has nothing to do with you, and he may not have wanted to share it. At this point, the timing was bad, but really it is his fetish and something he likes to watch, (perhaps he knew you would not like to watch with him, or perhaps not approve.

    To be honest, this is one of the mild ones compared to most fetishes I know of.

    You need to accept it is a turn on for him and has nothing to do at all about you.
    joypulv's Avatar
    joypulv Posts: 21,593, Reputation: 2941
    current pert
     
    #3

    Jul 6, 2015, 01:37 AM
    I am a woman who has always had fantasies I would never reveal (although I didn't watch anything online) and I don't know if that's rare for a woman or not.
    You need to disconnect fantasy from reality, first of all. And to attach importance to the timing with your miscarriage is all out of whack too. And third, the fact that you have no problem with 'personal fantasies' doesn't mean that there should be no problem in finding out about his.

    That was a bit harsh, and I really do feel for you! I had to say it though. Obviously you two need to talk about this. You feel 'impotent' and I have a feeling he feels impotent too, possibly even blaming himself for something he did that brought on the miscarriage. Neither of you should feel that way. If it was an early miscarriage, they are very, very common, more common than many people realize. I had one about 45 years ago, and sat in the hospital and cried. The staff were either annoyed or they just sighed or said I could try again. You need to comfort EACH OTHER and not let this other thing get in the way! It just doesn't mean anything at all.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,010, Reputation: 10852
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    #4

    Jul 6, 2015, 05:13 AM
    Having a miscarriage would bring any woman down, and it's easy to transfer that grief to other things that are totally unrelated, but bad timing. The thing to do is keep the events separated by acknowledging them to your husband, and getting support from him for your loss, while making sure you don't take the timing of your discovery of his fetish personally.

    I am sure all those feelings are a blur right now to you and he should understand your need to vent them and not hold it in. Tell him first that you need to vent, and grieve and need his help in this. Hopefully he will know to shut up, listen, and support you through this (You should tell him this straight away, just in case.). An understanding female may be a better support than a dumb clueless guy in the first place to be honest.

    Good luck and sorry for your loss.
    CravenMorhead's Avatar
    CravenMorhead Posts: 4,532, Reputation: 1065
    Adult Sexuality Expert
     
    #5

    Jul 7, 2015, 08:45 AM
    Pretty much everything I was going to say has been covered (Tried to greenie you Joy, but couldn't). What I will say is that this isn't a new thing for him. Chances are that he's had this fantasy/desire long before he met you.

    It is not a sign of dissatisfaction with you, nor desire for you to be pregnant or what not, but merely what turned him on at that point. The list of things that turn him on is probably varied and diverse.

    There is a lot going on with you on a physical and emotional level and it is going to be REALLY hard to let this go but this is exactly what you need to do. Of all the things going on, this is a non-issue. He's not going to stop, just try to be more discrete. It is what men do when their porn is found. He hasn't come to you because he's (justifiably) afraid of your reaction to wanking to something that isn't you.

    I am sorry for your loss. Good luck.

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