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    Daughter having sex with father

    Asked Jan 14, 2009, 11:46 AM 13 Answers
    This is really frustrating horrible I can't describe how I feel, I am heart broken. I went there to give her a sorprise and the sorprise was for me.

    I found this girl that I have been dating, having sex with her father , She is 27 and he is 69. I confront her and she tried to denied , but after a long conversation, she admitted that that she didn't remember and if it wasn't because cough them on the act ,she still would deny it, also she admitted that is not the first time, its been happening since she was a little girl and she gets really aroused with all that stuff even dough she said she does not want to do it but he calls ,and she keeps visiting him.
    They don't live together, so when she visits , it happends in the middle of the night.

    She has 2 little girls, and I don't know what to do. She needs help and even thought I am not going to continue with her, I would like to help because I love her. Is there anything that I can do or should I just walk away ?


    Any advice is greatly appreciated...
    Last edited by CliffARobinson; Feb 29, 2012 at 07:06 PM.
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    13 Answers
    Synnen's Avatar
    Synnen Posts: 7,926, Reputation: 2443
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    #2

    Jan 14, 2009, 11:52 AM



    Assuming that this is NOT a joke--you should walk away.

    Suggest to her that she get help, but honestly--she's got YEARS of issues with her sexuality to fix. You will not be able to help her with this--she needs to do it herself.

    And honestly--could you really live with this?

    Let her know you care for her, and hope she gets help, but get out of this relationship.
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    TexasParent's Avatar
    TexasParent Posts: 378, Reputation: 73
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    #3

    Jan 14, 2009, 11:53 AM

    I think that you should contact Child Services and ask them their opinion. I don't know if it represents a danger to the children, but if the father molested her as a child and somehow is continuing to have sex with her even now, it would suggest that her daughters are not safe.

    As for the girl you have been dating, she can still charge him after all these years for the modestation she suffered as a child, but since she is sleeping with him now as an adult I doubt she is in a place mentally or emotionally to even consider it.

    Talk to some experts as to how to proceed. Those kids lives are important and you have the power to make sure that they are safe; but it must be handled properly. Seek some professional advice, do not act alone on this as it is potentially explosive. You may be advised that nothing can be done, be prepared to be extremely conflicted.
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    mzdiva's Avatar
    mzdiva Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
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    #4

    Jan 14, 2009, 06:50 PM

    I think you should just move on with your life that's her issue. Let her figure things out on her own she responsible for her own action but what can you do when you love her? Just pray and do you!!
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    TexasParent's Avatar
    TexasParent Posts: 378, Reputation: 73
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    #5

    Jan 14, 2009, 07:01 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by mzdiva View Post
    I think you should just move on with your life thats her issue. let her figure things out on her own she responsible for her own action but what can you do when you love her? just pray and do you!!!!!
    I don't agree, although yours is a valid opinion/option. I think with the knowledge that the children might be in danger he can no longer 'just walk away'. While I think he should personally and physically, I think he has once last responsibility, and that is to talk to a professional and let them determine if they think the children are in danger and what steps if any should be taken.
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    SimpleguyJoe's Avatar
    SimpleguyJoe Posts: 302, Reputation: 68
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    #6

    Jan 14, 2009, 10:43 PM

    Umm easy answer GET OUT AS FAST AS YOUR FEET CAN CARRY YOU.

    Hard Answer: Do you care for this girl enough to help her through this? She has been obviously jaded from the get go so it's not really her fault. But does she bring enough to the table for you to walk the gauntlet on this one?
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    ISneezeFunny's Avatar
    ISneezeFunny Posts: 4,175, Reputation: 821
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    #7

    Jan 15, 2009, 12:01 AM

    Although I admit there are a lot of problems here, calling Child Services won't really do much, as she is 27 and legally an adult. She is breaking the law, but chances are, they will both deny this claim.
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    Jake2008's Avatar
    Jake2008 Posts: 6,722, Reputation: 3460
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    #8

    Jan 15, 2009, 03:04 AM
    I think it is highly likely that when she visits her father, with her two little girls, that she may be sleeping with him, so that he doesn't abuse them.

    It would be unlikely that she would confide that much information to you, because you would feel even more obligated to call the authorities.

    That the abuse for her started when she was a little girl, and she has her own little girls now, puts those two little girls in a very high risk situation.

    It is highly unlikely that the mother is the only victim over the years.

    I think you have an obligation to report this man. It is of course about your friend, but this man has to be stopped before he abuses these children.
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    smoothy's Avatar
    smoothy Posts: 24,800, Reputation: 2778
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    #9

    Jan 15, 2009, 06:37 AM
    I'm not sure if there are currently any laws being broken, but it is highly likely, there definitely was at one time by her admission.

    Beyond that she needs therapy... lots of therapy. As a child she might have been coerced into the act, as an adult she is willingly participating. Either way its just plain sick.

    If in fact he did this to her as a child he's not above doing it to her children as well.
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    Choux's Avatar
    Choux Posts: 3,047, Reputation: 376
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    #10

    Jan 15, 2009, 10:43 AM

    It is likely he is abusing the two little girls, so I think you should call a hotline and report this sick situation so an investigation can be started.

    IF not you, who? IF not now, when?

    Best wishes, :)
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    houstontexas's Avatar
    houstontexas Posts: 26, Reputation: 0
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    #11

    Jan 16, 2009, 11:57 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by ISneezeFunny View Post
    Although I admit there are a lot of problems here, calling Child Services won't really do much, as she is 27 and legally an adult. She is breaking the law, but chances are, they will both deny this claim.
    No they probably won't help her, but she has 2 little girls...
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    liz28's Avatar
    liz28 Posts: 4,660, Reputation: 1034
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    #12

    Jan 16, 2009, 12:36 PM

    Your girlfriend might want to stop but don't know how or feels obligated to have sex with her father. She been sexual abused by him who knows for how long. She is victim while her dad is the predator. She needs help and he might can still go to jail for his crimes he commit against. Can you imagine what life was like for her? I know you don't know th answer to this question but is there's a possibility that he might be the father to one or both of his grandkids? He's a sick man and there is a place for him in hell. I hope your girlfriend gets the help she needs and even if your don't remain together I hope you can help her along the way by being her friend because she going need a shoulder to lean on for support. I glad that this is out however I sorry this happen to you but everything happens for a reason. Maybe you was met to cross path with this girl to help her help herself and it starts with her wanting help.

    I think the kids should be evaluated by a professional for possible abuse. So contacted social services isn't a bad idea.
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    lawanwadee's Avatar
    lawanwadee Posts: 3,653, Reputation: 123
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    #13

    Jan 18, 2009, 11:34 PM

    Contact Child Protective Service ASAP... otherwise the 2 little kids will be next.

    Reporting Child Sexual Abuse
    All 50 states require that professionals who work with children report reasonable suspicions of child abuse. Some states require that anyone with suspicions report it. Information about each state�s requirements is available at Child Welfare Information Gateway or call the ChildHelp USA National Child Abuse Hotline, 1-800-422-4453.

    If you are a professional who works with children (e.g. a teacher, a nurse), there are special procedures and reporting requirements you must follow. Your employer should provide mandated reporting training.

    Know the agencies that handle reports of child abuse.

    * Two agencies handle most reports of child abuse
    o Child Protective Services (in some states this agency has a different name)
    o The police
    * Some states designate Child Protective Services as the agency that accepts reports of suspected child abuse. Others designate the police.
    Some do not designate or designate both. Many states have centralized toll-free lines that accepts reports of abuse from the entire state. To find out where to make a report in your state, visit Publications Resource List or call the ChildHelp USA National Child Abuse Hotline, 1-800-422-4453.
    * If the legal system does not provide adequate protection for a child, call Justice for Children (713-225-4357) or Justice For Children.

    What if I�m not sure? Where do I go?

    * Child advocacy centers coordinate all the professionals (legal and social services) involved in a case. If you�re unsure about whether to make an official report or just need support, contact a child advocacy center. They will help you evaluate your suspicions. To find one near you, contact National Children�s Alliance at www.nca-online.org or 1-800-239-9950.
    * Child Abuse Helplines have staff specifically trained to deal with questions about suspected child sexual abuse. Call Darkness to Light�s helpline, 1-866-FOR-LIGHT to be routed to resources in your own community, or call the ChildHelp USA National Child Abuse Hotline, 1-800-4-A-CHILD
    * Local Community Agencies, such as local hotlines, United Way offices, or rape crisis centers can often help
    * Talk to the child�s parents (as long as they are not the abusers) and provide educational materials, such as the 7 Steps booklet. If the parent seems indifferent or unlikely to take action, call one of the other recommended sources.

    These resources can help if you are unsure about whether abuse has occurred, but they do not substitute for making an official report. Remember that you may be a mandated reporter in your state and you may be the only source of protection that the child has.
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    Curlyben's Avatar
    Curlyben Posts: 18,005, Reputation: 1834
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    #14

    Jan 19, 2009, 02:19 AM
    >Thread Closed<
    As OP hasn't returned
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