My boyfriend and I have been together for over six months and we have not had sex because I suffer anxiety from the pause right before he looks for/puts the condom on I get completely turned off. We are 23 and I'm still a virgin because of this. (I've been considering going on the Pill as an alternative) He has had several sexual partners before he met me.

My boyfriend has not been attentive towards me and doesn't give me enough affection. Due to this, I cheated on him while on vacation with a hotter guy who treated me better and wanted to take me out on a couple of dates. The only sexual thing I have done with this new guy was give him some "great" blow jobs.

The new guy didn't seem to have a problem being the homewrecker until the night of the second date where I felt pressured to have sex with him. I stupidly spilled that I have anxiety with condoms and that my boyfriend and I have not had sex yet after six months.

The new guy said, "I'd be freaked out if you didn't give such good blow jobs" he also mentioned he had gone soft once before due to the condom pause as well.

The next day, the new guy no longer put effort into contacting me. He made excuses not to hang out, and made me feel guilty for cheating on my boyfriend. He later claimed, "The random hook up was not bad, but hanging out 3 out of 4 nights of your vacation would have been horrible." I asked him if I left my boyfriend, could I call you? And he said "yeah shoot me a call."

I'm not sure if it was the sex conversation that changed his attitude toward me...

Slow down!!!
You need to see a therapist because you are jumping from one guy to the other guy.
You can't really love your boyfriend if you cheat on him. The new guy wants sex. He thinks you will give out, by the way things are going.
Why are you doing all this?? We don't know, but you do, and with a therapist you can find out what you need to do.

Okay so let me get this straight.

You are confused as to why a guy you hooked up with on a vacation is now not that into you any more - you think that it could be because you are still a virgin or your fixation or aversion on the relationship between sexual contact and condoms.

First off I am interested as to why you have this anxiety toward condoms or that moment he goes to put a condom on. Were you abused as a child?

Secondly you seem to be a sexual person so if going on the pill is your only road block to what seems to be a goal for you then why haven't you taken that step.

Thirdly do you tend to gravitate toward men who don't treat you well? What is your relationship with your father like?

Lastly - don't worry about this guy, it could have been a million things that made the guy change his attitude. I understand there is a huge pressure from society that being over the age of 18 and still a virgin is taboo but don't feel down on yourself if will only make the time it happens more stressful

A) It's not like I actively seek out guys who are going to treat me badly. They are all nice at first.
B) I was never abused in my life my childhood was great I just have anxiety.
C) My dad was always good towards me.

Having problems in one relationship is not going to improve because you jump into another relationship.If anything,that would only make things worse.

The problem is within you and that is only going to change when you get a grip on what is at the root of your discomfort.

I don't think it is the condom,per se that is causing the problem.Going on birth control is not the answer.

I think your fear is one of losing your virginity.The condom is just a secondary trigger because you know once that is put on that penetration is next.

I think you need to explore where your fear is coming from.
Possible pain?
Fear of poor performance?
Fear of feeling used or not appreciated?Fear of rejection?

It could even have something to do with your upbringing and perhaps a lack of open communication in your family about sex.

Your question about why the guy decided to be cool to you after your admission is not even worthy of speculation.

Maybe he just didn't want to hook up with someone who is already taken.

You have other more serious issues to be addressing and you may need therapy to understand why you have a fear of losing your virginity.

I agree that seeing a therapist is the best solution to your anxiety.

Also break up with your boyfriend. From what I understand you not only cheated on him but you wanted to continue to do so and seem to have only felt guilty when the other man turned you down, you quite clearly don't care about your current boyfriend so I would suggest ending it with him.

You aren't ready to be in a relationship, much less be having sex based on what I've seen in this thread so far.

Hiooking up even though popular... can carry with it a LOT of risk... kids, AIDS, HERPES etc... besides the emotional stuff. Please don't forget that part. You have most of your life ahead of you yet.

Yea, you need to see a therapist. If you read what we just read maybe you would understand. Wow!