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    Alen Sterium's Avatar
    Alen Sterium Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #1

    Sep 22, 2014, 07:24 PM
    Coming out of the Closet.
    Hello,

    I am a homosexual male in my 20's. I live in a rural, conservative Christian area. No one in the world knows that I am attracted to the same gender, and I am having trouble understanding how and if I should ever tell my parents I am a homosexual. I know there is no shame in who I am, but I am afraid of the consequences that follow up on telling the people I love most about my sexuality.
    As of right now they think I am a heterosexual, but I want that to change. My mother, in particular, does not like same-sex marriage, but I do not know if she is implying whether she dislikes homosexuals or not. My dad seems indifferent with the thought of homosexuality.
    Overall, I am just wondering what the best approach to telling my parents about my homosexuality without so much fear behind my back. My parents are loving people and have cared for me my whole life, but I just worry about how they are going to take it.

    P.S.
    If you are a homophobic moron, then please be mature enough to not even post here. Also homophobia is unnatural, not homosexuality. Thanks.
    Oliver2011's Avatar
    Oliver2011 Posts: 2,606, Reputation: 746
    Ultra Member
     
    #2

    Sep 23, 2014, 06:52 AM
    The problem with coming out to family and friends is that as soon as family and friends hear those words, family and friends see us as gay, solely gay, and only gay. They put us in a box and a lot of times we allow that to happen. So what you need to do is make sure they understand that being gay is only a small part of the man you are. Don't let anyone sell you short and not give you credit for all of your other attributes.

    I admire the fact that you want to share this with your parents. They will get to know the real you, which is amazing. Don't expect them to jump for joy when you tell them. They will need some time to accept it, so allow them that time.
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,292, Reputation: 7691
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    #3

    Sep 23, 2014, 07:07 AM
    I guess, the issue, is why do you feel, a need to announce it? What if you just start living, the life style if you want.

    I have never once, announced, I was straight. I was asked one time, at a bar.
    I guess I broke his heart.

    If you want to tell mom and dad, you tell them, and they can deal with it.
    So, they get upset at first, most will get over it

    And I don't know any area where there are not gays, I lived in the heart of the bible belt and gays were every where.

    I will also add, you sound somewhat narrow minded, in that, you have titles for people, who do not like homosexual behavior, they are just as natural and normal as you, they have their beliefs.

    You are judging them, but not wanting them to judge you.
    CravenMorhead's Avatar
    CravenMorhead Posts: 4,532, Reputation: 1065
    Adult Sexuality Expert
     
    #4

    Sep 23, 2014, 07:21 AM
    Last first, and first last.

    Quote Originally Posted by Alen Sterium View Post
    P.S.
    If you are a homophobic moron, then please be mature enough to not even post here. Also homophobia is unnatural, not homosexuality. Thanks.
    Just a thought, acceptance, understanding, and co-mingling is a two way street. Homophobia is natural. It is natural to be afraid of something you don't understand and haven't had contact with. It isn't right, but it is natural. Accepting someone based upon their sexuality is something EVERYONE needs to do. Think about that we you hear about non-homosexuals being referred to as breeders. That's just as insulting as being called a fag. Though your heart is in the right place check your attitude. Hating the hater is still hating. Remember that jesus said, and I paraphrase, "live together in harmony and try to love one another". That goes for hetros, homos, bis, trans, cis, queer, and any other sexuality out there. Don't get myopic to your particular orientation.

    Savy?

    Quote Originally Posted by Alen Sterium View Post
    Hello,

    I am a homosexual male in my 20's. I live in a rural, conservative Christian area. No one in the world knows that I am attracted to the same gender, and I am having trouble understanding how and if I should ever tell my parents I am a homosexual. I know there is no shame in who I am, but I am afraid of the consequences that follow up on telling the people I love most about my sexuality.
    As of right now they think I am a heterosexual, but I want that to change. My mother, in particular, does not like same-sex marriage, but I do not know if she is implying whether she dislikes homosexuals or not. My dad seems indifferent with the thought of homosexuality.
    Overall, I am just wondering what the best approach to telling my parents about my homosexuality without so much fear behind my back. My parents are loving people and have cared for me my whole life, but I just worry about how they are going to take it.
    There are times that parents know that their child is homosexual from early in their youth. Current thought and ideas lean towards a child coming in their orientation during their early childhood years. There are subtle signs they might have picked up upon. It is hard to say. Do you live with your parents? Would coming out to them cause them to take drastic actions against you? Have you thought about moving to a more LGBTQ friendly locale? IE, not a conservative christian area?

    There are a few ways to come out, Dan Savage had probably the best one I have heard of: "Mom? Dad? I'm gay. Could you pass the corn?" There really is no easy way to come out. I think your mother would take it the hardest from the way you describe it. Remember though that they're loving people who care for you as much if not more then you do for them. That being said, I would have an exit plan ready just in case you need to vacate if things go bad. Just remember when you tell them there might be a huge malestorm of emotions and often that'll cause strife but there would be acceptance once the storm's past.

    It will take courage. Good luck. Hope for the best and plan for the worst.
    Oliver2011's Avatar
    Oliver2011 Posts: 2,606, Reputation: 746
    Ultra Member
     
    #5

    Sep 23, 2014, 12:06 PM
    This Ex-Marine Father's Touching Response To His Son's Coming Out Letter Will Make You Cry / Queerty

    I just read this. Wow what a powerful letter. I hope it helps to know that you aren't alone.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,006, Reputation: 10852
    Expert
     
    #6

    Sep 24, 2014, 11:32 AM
    Being honest with your parents requires some courage for sure, and when giving news that surely will shock them(?), be prepared for them to deal with that shock, and that may take time. One would hope that they, unlike you, are more open minded about the judgment of others.

    P.S.
    If you are a homophobic moron, then please be mature enough to not even post here. Also homophobia is unnatural, not homosexuality. Thanks.
    It's no wonder you are so afraid of their reaction to you, given your attitude of your perception of others to you. Knowing the difference between hate, and shock, will give you the courage to be honest, and as understanding as you want others to be understanding of YOU.

    I wish you luck, love, and open minded patience.
    joypulv's Avatar
    joypulv Posts: 21,593, Reputation: 2941
    current pert
     
    #7

    Sep 24, 2014, 11:44 AM
    Oliver2100 didn't jump on the sentence about homophobia. I'm guessing that he understands the need for a certain shell of protectiveness, as well as some loud and proud bravado to prepare yourself.
    I think too that he understands how difficult this is for any child telling his parents, regardless of what part of the country you are in.

    Are you still living with your parents? That to my mind is a big question.
    Oliver2011's Avatar
    Oliver2011 Posts: 2,606, Reputation: 746
    Ultra Member
     
    #8

    Sep 24, 2014, 12:03 PM
    Actually I understand why he said what he said. I also think Craven summed it up much better than I could ever attempt to. I love the line "Hating the hater is still hating."

    As far as hating goes or any type of negative energy, I just don't allow myself the luxury because it is negative. Husband and my friends get a little pissy because I never get angry. It's just not my thing. I would rather spend my time having fun.

    One last thing - helping someone through this is very important to me. So I focused on that.

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