Hello everyone... need some help

22 yrs old, dating a 24 year old. We have been together for 6 months, and get along really well. We always have a great time together, and love each other a lot. Recently I felt he was getting a little distant, so I asked him if something was wrong. He slowly admitted that he was no longer sexually attracted, or moreover, no longer had a drive for sex with me. He says that when we do have sex, it is good, but he doesn't understand why he is no longer attracted to me the way he once was. I personally feel like it is normal for sex to become less alluring as the relationship goes on, but he views it as a problem. Now we don't have sex very often. We haven't had sex in a week now, which is the longest it has ever been since all of this came to light. Perhaps it is just too awkward now. I don't think a week is even that big of a deal, but this is now causing a great deal of stress. I have a long history of depression and am taking this quite personally, though intellectually I know it is probably not my fault. He is depressed too because he loves me a lot and wants things to work. We are going to try therapy. I know we are fairly young and the relationship hasn't been going on for that long, but I would still appreciate some advice. If the relationship wasn't so great all along I wouldn't be that upset, but it is amazing. We have such good times together. Help?

One thing you can try is spicing up your sex life a little bit. I hate to say this, and I don't mean to be offensive, but maybe he is just simply getting bored.

Take a trip to a sex shop as a couple. Pick out a few things that you together decide may be fun. Movies, lingerie, toys, etc. One thing some people like to do is role play. Some people like to take pictures (but keep them in a VERY safe place). Act out your fantasies. Anything that will add a little spice.

Don't take it personally. This happens more than you may think. I am married, and went through that rut about three years into my marriage. All I did was spice things up, and things got much better! The same routine can be a bit boring.

I know he still cares for you, otherwise he wouldn't have talked to you seriously about the problem, or agreed to therapy. :)

Thanks for your answer... however, I am very open sexually, I will do almost anything and have asked if there is anything I can do. He knows that if he asks me, I would do it (within some limits). I think he is falling out of love with me, and I don't know how to stop it. I know he cares about me, but I feel helpless

Then therapy is a good idea. Are you going to a couple's therapist, or a sex therapist? I would suggest going to a sex therapist also. It sounds like you have love and caring in your relationship, you just lack on the sex part.

I personally think if he was falling out of love with you, he wouldn't have agreed to therapy, he would have just ended it. No relationship is too young to go to therapy, it just shows you both really care about each other, and the relationship.

You are 22 and he is 24, that is not very old for either of you, you have been together for 6 months and that is really a short time. Don't take this as being against you and he having sex because it is not but when a young couple meet and have a few dates and then become sexual they have not even had time to know if they really like each other. They don't know the others likes in other parts of life other than sex, then when the sex becomes the overbearing thing in a relationship it get to be all that you want to be together for and than as the sex becomes little bit of an old thing there is nothing to fall back on to build the relationship on. I do think that females are giving in to sex to easily and the guys have not even had time to learn if there is any thing else that they like about the female.
Right now my suggestion to you is to stop sex all together for a time and see if the other part of your relationship can survive, I have my doubts. But good luck and remember it is better to find out these things before the wedding rather than after.

Stopping having sex when the mood takes you when sex is the problem is PROBABLY not a great idea.

It's true that a lot of relationships fail because people don't really know the PERSON they're with, because the sexual side of things happens a lot faster than it probably should (and hey--I'm guilty of this too!).

Communication is really key here, and going to a therapist of ANY kind is a step in the right direction. There are a million and one things that can affect sex drive, some of them medical, some emotional, some mental... whatever. It could be three things he does every day that he just needs to do differently and voilà! Happy times again!

It could ALSO be something more serious, and a therapist should be able to help sort that out.

Thank you for the responses. My only hangup, is that we know each other extremely well. Sex wasn't really the basis of our relationship. We have great communication. We were able to talk about every last thing and problem that's occurring. We are just left without any awswers. We love each other to no end, and yet he doesn't have a sexual desire for me. I guess I will just have to wait till therapy, but in the mean time I can't function. I stay up at night sitting on my computer looking for solace or answers, making myself ill over this. Thank you for responding.

YOU need to be able to talk to a counselor about this as well... I mean... Hello! Blow to self-esteem here!

Please realize that this is probably NOT about you. It could be, but if your relationship is that sound, it probably isn't about you.

It's great that you're able to talk to each other about this, but you'll really need to talk to a professional, both separately and together, to work through this.

PS--A week isn't really all that long a time without sex. Wait until your marriage is 11 years old and once a week is GREAT!

Haha I know right? I didn't have a problem with the frequency at all. And I should see a therapist. This is my second major relationship, and in my first I was cheated on twice with the same person. Ugh!

My advice is to seriously relax. It could be soooo many things... but the guy is willing to work with you to make it work! That's AWESOME!

Freaking about it is going to make HIM freak out about it more, and then it becomes more of a problem. It's the classic "Whatever you do, don't think about a pink elephant" thing.

Try to not think about it, do anything about it, or mention it for the next few days.

Have you made an appointment to see a therapist yet? I really think that's a good place to start. *especially* since you've mentioned that you had cheating in past relationships--I'm not saying that it IS, but it COULD be making you feel less secure about THIS relationship, and you're jumping at shadows a little here.

First off let me say that it is NOT normal for sex to taper off into a relationship or the desire for sex.

If it does you are boring as hell in the sack. I've been married for 16 years and sex is better now than it was the first year of marriage. You both have to care enough about it to change your approach to it or it might well become boring.