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    CLEMENTINE 32's Avatar
    CLEMENTINE 32 Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #1

    Oct 28, 2009, 05:55 AM
    My boyfriend masturbates but does not want to have sex with me
    Hi

    I really need help and some answers!
    I have been dating my boyfriend for just over a year

    We had sex for the first three months
    He always had difficulty ejaculating, but then there were times that it was Ok

    Within 3 months into the relationship we figured he was a minor depressive
    He had difficulty ejaculating while having sex but managed it while masturbating

    Then he started seeing a shrink for a while who put him on SSRI's and he lost his sex drive completely
    He got off the SSRI for about three weeks - but that didn't bring his sex drive back either

    Now he does not go to the shrink
    We have no sex
    He can watch porn and masturbate

    He is not sure what it is and says that it might have something to do with me, he just doesn't know

    Just want to mention he has had girlfriends in the past and has not really faced this issue in the past

    Everything else is great and we love each other a lot

    But I have started feeling anxious and unattractive and just do not know what to do

    Please help.
    Has any one faced a similar issue?

    What should I do?
    Gemini54's Avatar
    Gemini54 Posts: 2,871, Reputation: 1116
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    #2

    Oct 28, 2009, 11:55 PM
    The thing with masturbation and/or porn is that sometimes guys get used to a certain level of visual and/or manual stimulation, and then nothing else will do it for them. This might be the case with your BF.

    Clearly there are other underlying issues like the depression and the after effects of the drugs, but it doesn't really sound like he's trying, and it's convenient for him to say that it 'might' be you.

    Is he interested in making things better for you both? Or does he expect you to live a nun's life? If he doesn't then ask him to have a full physical to rule out any other problems - hormonal or otherwise.

    He might start by stopping with the masturbation and the porn and connecting with you sexually, rather than with his hand. This will probably take some time as he'll have to re-learn what he finds sexually stimulating. It's sort of like he'll need re-training.

    However, and this is the bad news. SSRI's, can in some cases, cause loss of sexual function for months (or years).

    Post-SSRI sexual dysfunction - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

    I suggest that he should also go back to his shrink and talk about what's happening.

    Good luck.
    smoothy's Avatar
    smoothy Posts: 25,495, Reputation: 2853
    Uber Member
     
    #3

    Oct 29, 2009, 05:19 AM
    The boy has issues. What more can I say. He needs to take those issues seriously whatever they might be rooted in and work at resolving them, WITH a professional or you better seriously think about dumping him and finding someone without those issues. And that won't be hard to do.
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,301, Reputation: 7691
    Expert
     
    #4

    Oct 29, 2009, 05:29 AM

    Stop the masturbation, stop the porn and see what happens. If he can not, he is making his choice
    sleekster77's Avatar
    sleekster77 Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
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    #5

    Nov 5, 2009, 04:21 PM

    Maybe he is worried about his performance and disappointing you but the masturbation is not the answer talk it out, find out what really turns him and go for it
    ProjectX's Avatar
    ProjectX Posts: 5, Reputation: 1
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    #6

    Nov 5, 2009, 05:10 PM

    I have sort of the same thing going on. My husband is addicted to porn... websites, those nasty booth places, specialty strip clubs... I even found two briefcases of porn mags under the seat in his truck. Yet, I sit at home, unsatisfied, forced to use MY HAND to get what I need.

    It makes no sense to me, in the beginning he couldn't get enough sex, and we have only been married for a few months! It's not like I'm some old bag either - I'm 18 YEARS his junior!

    I don't have an answer for you sister, all I can say is, I'm going through sort of the same thing. He has "issues" with "getting it up" and takes all kinds of herbal stimulants to get the job done, yet the only thing he wants from me is oral sex.

    It sucks... hang in there!
    liz28's Avatar
    liz28 Posts: 4,662, Reputation: 1034
    Ultra Member
     
    #7

    Nov 7, 2009, 02:42 PM

    Don't think just because he recently stopped taking his med his sex drive is going return. It will take time and you are aware of the situation so you have to decide if your going deal with it or not because who knows how long it will take for the two of you to have a sex life.

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