We've been together for almost 4 years now and we have a 8 month old daughter together. I know he would do it to porn while I was pregnant and I did bring it up once then but it turned into a huge argument and I left it alone. I kind of understood why he didn't really want to have sex with me then... we still did but not as often as we used to ( in the beginning of our relationship we used to have sex multiple times a day, we both have very high sex drives) but now he doesn't want to even when I try to initiate it he just turns me down but he still masterbates to porn all the time. I know masterbating is a normal thing I even do it myself sometimes but what's hurtful about it is he would rather do it to porn than with me and he leaves the evidence out in plain site... I've tried talking to him about it multiple times but he gets mad and says I'm teasing him but I'm not I'm really hurt by this, I feel like he's not turned on by me anymore. Like I'm not overweight or anything I'm maybe about 10 pounds heavier and I was really tiny before I got pregnant and I didn't get any stretch marks when I was pregnant either. What do I do I care for him and I still find him attractive I just feel so unloved...

I think there is something here going on. Has there been a time when you have talked to him and he hadn't gotten angry? What does he mean by teasing you? It seems really odd. How about other intimate touching? Kissing, snuggling, hugging, and the like. Has he cut off all contact so to speak.

Confrontational doesn't work but you need to figure out why he doesn't want to have sex with you. If you can't have a conversation about this that doesn't end in a battle then you need a impartial third party. Couples counselling comes to mind.

I would try to get him to explain it to you. The key isn't to blame him or the porn. In fact keep the porn out of it. Figure out why he isn't interest in sex with you. Tell him how all this is making you feel. Centre the conversation on you and your feelings. Not on him and his habits.

If that doesn't work. Approach him for couples counselling.

It is a hard situation. My heart goes out to you. Good luck.

No every time I bring it up he always gets defensive and angry. He says I'm teasing him about it which I'm not. I've tried approaching the issue many different ways already but I always get the same reaction from him.

And yes it's not just sex even kissing is an issue... I'll try to kiss him and he'll just give me a quick peck and kind of push me away and goes back to doing whatever he was doing. Like in the evening when my daughter is in bed I'll ask if we can just watch a movie and snuggle on the couch and he will but when it comes to being intimate he gets weird about it. I feels like I'm forcing him to do it when it does happen.

I have suggested counselling before because this isn't the only problem we have in our relationship but he's never gone, even when I have. I've also asked him if it was me and he's says I'm overreacting and says that he likes my body the way it is and say's it's better now than before I was pregnant... so is he just saying that cause he doesn't want to admit it to me like I'm really confused here. Also I'm only 20 and he's 22 so I don't understand why he doesn't want to have sex cause it was never an issue before like our sex life was amazing before.

I meant to put that here...

Boy, give this idiot an ultimatium right now. Tell him to get out and don't come back until he's cleared his head of this ridiculousness or buck up his idea's as a partner and father.
Sound's to me like he is just being petty and selfish, you've annoyed him in some way and this is his immature little way of getting back at you. If he had such a problem he would hide it from you, but you say he deliberately leaves evidence? And also starts arguments about it when you bring it up?
Hello!
He is playing with you for whatever reason he has seen as fit.
Often men feel left out after the birth of a child because then that child has the mothers undivided attention much of the time, so perhaps this is male attention seeking behaviour.
Do some research.
I hope you the best of luck.

Also with the mother getting all the attention during pregnancy this MAS issue can also occur then, like I said, RESEARCH!

Okay... Mommy/Daddy 101 Lesson here.

This is very common during pregnancy and right after the birth of a baby.

You see, you are not so much as a sexual attraction to him since you are now a mother.

He sees you in a different light now.

Where you once were a sexual tigress, now you are a diaper changing mommy.

Things will get back on track, but proper communication is the key. Never, EVER give your partner an ultimatum unless you are totally and completely prepared to suffer the consequences if it does not work out the way you intend.

Do the two of you ever have a date night? Dinner and a movie without the baby? Romantic bottle of wine? You really need something to bring the spark back and to show him that you can still be a sexual being.

I believe the ultimatium could have been a good shock to the system for him, what if he refuses to go to dinner and a movie? Try it, and see. Good luck and pick a good film!

It would be a big shock to her as well if he packed his bags and left and didn't come back.

Have you asked him why he says that you are 'teasing' him? Is it that he isn't taking your concerns seriously or that he feels you aren't listening to him?

As J_9 said, he may be seeing you as more of a mother than a lover right now. It can be extremely confusing for men when they realize that their playmate is now someone's mother. After all, society says that lusting after your mother is bad. For some men that becomes any mother. Confusion can lead to defensiveness and lashing out or clamming up and hiding. He may be embarrassed by where his thoughts are taking him. Porn would be a way to focus on less 'disturbing' (to him) images.

He could be afraid that the child will hear.

If he won't go to counseling, is there someone you feel comfortable talking to who he would listen to? Can you get him to read this thread or start his own account and thread?

I, too, do not recommend ultimatums unless you are ready for the fallout. Ultimatums can cause a person who is scared to react very negatively and run instead of facing the issue.

This may have been the problem before but 3 months ago I went back to university and he started staying home... so he's with her more now and I had to stop breastfeeding so she's now formula fed and the parenting duties are equal between us now

That sounds like a good idea we've only been out once together since she was born, thanks for your input!

That does seem like that could be the problem, thanks for your input and shedding some light on this, I've been embarrassed to talk to people about it but I think I got some answers now thank you

Thank you everyone for commenting on this issue I didn't know if any one would or would care.