I am 33 yrs, old and have been married for 10 yrs. I consider myself to be a sexual person as in I am easily turned on and have very broad views sexually. However, the man I am married to has never made me come. I didn't even come until after we had had our first child and then I always have to be the one on top doing the work for anything to happen. I also do not enjoy oral sex. I have been told that it is just because he isn't doing it right. He is the only person I have ever been with so I don't know if I am just frigid like he says or is it not me and actually him that is a problem. A lot of the time I like the way he makes me feel and I wonder if that is part of the problem. I am frustrated and really feel unfulfilled. Is it me hoping for too much? Do I have an unrealistic view as to what sex is supposed to be like?

Do you really love him? You must talk about this to your husband, tell him how you feel. Maybe you're not telling him what you like in having sex. And for me if you understand and love each other you will feel satisfaction not just in sex but most especially in life.

Pandorareborn,

Bottom line, it takes two. You both need to sit down and talk about this. Personally, I don't think there are any frigid women just inept men. That might seem harsh but I take issue with him blaming you when it takes two. It is a sexual relationship, a partnership. If it isn't working you have to ask yourself why it isn't working. Ten years is long enough to be putting up with half measures. Have that conversation or put up with things as they are. Good luck.

Dear Pandorareborn

The problem here seems to be one of lacking communication.
Besides that your post indicates how important it is that BOTH partners in marriage should have had multiple lovers in the past, to have a reference to qualify their reality with.

I assume that you do not consider other partners now, so you have to do it with your current partner. So start communicating. Talk to him. Explain what you feel or fail to experience.
Tell him what you like him to do. If he does or tries that, let him know what you feel.
Educate him, as most males require training to improve their lovemaking with more focus on their partner. For most males a quickie is all they want. Most females require extended lovemaking with lot's of foreplay.

That you only come when on top is not that strange. Many women have that same experience. Specially if a woman sits on top facing the males feet, climaxing becomes easier. Because the penus can now reach the "G" spot. Try that.

You do not sound frigid at all. Neither does your partner sound unwilling to share pleasure with you. The main culprit seems to be the lack of communication and experience.

Ciao !

I get the vibe that you(and perhaps he) are harboring resentments from the frustrations of everyday life, and these emotions have damaged your sex life.

You and your husband have to talk to each other about *all aspects* of your life together! Clear away all the unvoiced peeves and then start to *negotiate* to satisfy each others needs in all areas of your marriage, including your sex life.

Since you have experienced orgasm, you know you are capable... you might want to read Dr Northrup's book about female sexuality as she discussed on Oprah. As a woman, she recommends that you spend 30 minute stretches-three times a week in self-pleasuring to maintain good health.

First, you have to get a lock for your bedroom door if there are any other people living with you, specially children!

Good Luck, you should be orgasmic and happy in a few months.

Naw, your not frigid, your both inexperienced, and are afraid to talk about it. Don't be shy and defensive, be proactive and curious. Half the fun is learning from each other, and practice, practice, and more practice. Its funny as I don't think I've ever given my wife an orgasm, but just stick around long enough for her to get her own. But then I am pretty good at taking directions. Catch my drift, show him how you can get your own orgasm.

Right on the money on this one.

Communication is key here. Having fun is key as well. It takes a women a lot more relaxation and foreplay to enjoy sex. Just is, as far as being on top that is one of the best ways for you to feel good because you as a women can control how fast and slow and get the most pleasure in that position. It does take lots and lots and lots and lots of practise and relaxation and lots and lots and lots of foreplay. Many women do not experience orgasm during sex. Some do and it does happen but not as much as you may think, As Tal pointed out.

Can someone please describe to me what these sensations that one would get in woman on top? I have tried this many times and I feel nothing at all, not even enough for me to figure out if he's in me or not!! I'm just bouncing around for the sake of it and doing very little for either of us to be honest, he often goes soft on me doing that

Maybe that is the problem you do not feel anything, him going soft.

No hijacking, please.