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lisa87 · Jun 13, 2008, 02:54 PM

I was raped about two years ago, I was 20 and a virgin then, and I haven't slept with anyone since.

Met a guy I really really like a few weeks ago. He knows about the rape, but haven't told him that I'm afraid to 'you know'. I feel ready, I really do. But I still remember the terrible pain from the rape, and am just afraid that it will hurt... a lot. Do you think I should tell him that?

progunr · Jun 13, 2008, 03:03 PM

I think at a few weeks, it may be a little soon to be digging that deep into who you are.

I may be too old to understand, but, I would think that a conversation like that would take place further into the relationship, unless the point of the relationship is just the sex?

The real short answer is, if you plan to be with this person for the rest of your life, you need to be able to tell them anything.

hollylovesbrandon · Jun 13, 2008, 05:44 PM

I'm not going to delve into the "is it time" speech. If you feel ready but are afraid it will hurt, I think you should share your rape experience with him, let him know your fears about intimacy and then see what happens from there. Chances are that if it's been 2 years since you were raped it will hurt a little. But, this time your experience will not be painful in an emotional form as well. This is you connecting with this person and feeling deep passion with him. The situation is completely different and for you to " be ready" at all you have to have that emotional readiness as well.

My best advice, share it with him so that when the time IS right, he will understand to be extra gentle.

Choux · Jun 15, 2008, 03:25 PM

You have to move on with your life... just ask him to be gentle... don't drag out all the negative stuff from the past. YOu have to find out what gentle sex feels like.

It is more than likely that you no longer have a hymen after the rape, so,. make out, see if you get lubricated, if you do, proceed gently with intercourse.

talaniman · Jun 15, 2008, 04:25 PM

You should know him a lot better before you share such intimate details with him. A few weeks is way to soon, don't you think?

Have you had ant therapy for your trauma?

Synnen · Jun 15, 2008, 08:29 PM

If you're still scared, you aren't ready. Sex is 90% mental for women, and you aren't there, mentally.

I would hope you've had some counseling for the rape,and if you tell me you went a couple times, and it didn't help, you're just silly. Counseling takes MONTHS to have any effect, and YOU have to put the work into feeling better. A counselor doesn't just tell you how to feel better, and WHAMMO! You're better! It takes work, a lot of it, on your part, to see results.

A couple of weeks is a VERY short time to risk your life for someone (do you honestly think that in a couple weeks you know whether he's the kind of guy to lie about an STD or what would happen if you got pregnant?

Sex can wait, and if he isn't willing to be patient and wait for it, then he's a jerk and you're better off without him anyway.