Can I ask why you are looking for your biological parents?

One thing all adoptess have to consider when they want to find their biological parents are this.

1. There's a reason you were put up for adoption. Was it bad? Maybe, but do you know? If so, tell me.

I was adopted because of these "bad" things. I won't go into details but I will sum it up by saying "neglect".

2. What makes you think they want you to find them? Again, there's a reason you were put in the system.
They're not always bad reasons, sometimes it's as simple as a young pregnancy with no stability to sustain a healthy living environment for a child. If this is the case, most parents don't want to find "their kids they gave to someone else".
It's hard enough doing this, and even harder when their kids find them later! It reminds them of the pain & hurt of younger years!

Is this the case with you? I am not sure. I am just giving examples, trying to better understand where you're coming from.
Let me know!

I have worked with many adoptive children that "found" their parent or parents. They often find parents who did not want to be found, that hated the child, cursed at them, spit at them, even got restraining orders to stop them from contacting them.

So don't expect your meeting to be a "OPRAH" moment more are not than are.

Next in many cases they have remarried, had new families and often their new spouse knows nothing about this, so it causes them great grief.

But you need to be 18 to start looking.
Also were you adopted, how are these parents, which I always call the "real" parents, since they raised you, they were there for you getting hurt, they were there for your school and more

I agree 110% with Fr_chuck. I too have seen this many times and it usually ends up bad for both parties involved. Like I said before, there was a reason you were adopted!

P.S. Your real parents are those that adopted you, fed you, clothed you, supported you through thick and thin, wellness and sickness etc... I think you get my point!

The parents that birthed you are your biological parents. The parents that raised you and loved you are your real parents.

I thank my parents all the time for giving me a second chance. A chance to make something of myself, a chance to proove to them how grateful I am for opening their home, their hearts and so much more to me. I was chosen, I had my quirks, and still they loved me like my biological parents never did. Never in a million years would I look for my biological parents.

Am I saying what you want to do is bad? NO but you need to beware of the facts and understand the potentially bad things that could happen from this action!

ARRRGH!!

There is NO SUCH THING as "real" parents---they are ALL real!

I am NOT imaginary for placing my child for adoption. Her adoptive parents are not imaginary--they raised her! ALL parents are "real"!

GOD, I hate that freaking way of referencing parents. And people wonder why so few people choose to go the adoption route--choosing instead to raise children they're not ready for (so that they don't become "not real") or choosing expensive, time consuming methods (like IVF--so that they are still the "real" parent). If we could get society past this stupid definition of who the "real" parent is, maybe adoption wouldn't have the stigma it does for both the birthparent and the adoptive parent.

ANYWAY--you have to be 18 without your adoptive parents help to look for your biological parents. If you are NOT 18 yet---why don't you know? Most adoptions these days are open, so you should at least know something about your biological parents from your adoptive parents.

Why are you searching?

Our meaning of the word "real" is being taken out of context. You know exactly what is meant by this when we say it. You are taking it literal and focusing on the wrong aspect of this question/answers. The choice for going the adoption route has NOTHING to do with whether they will be referred to as "real" or not. The "stigma" adoption has on the biological parents and the adopted parents have nothing to do with this reference either.

Do you know what the word stigma means? If so, I would say you are way off base and this is more of a rant then an answer to any question.

To even accuse adoption of being disgraceful or altering parents reputation is bad enough, but then to blame it on something as silly as a word you feel is referencing parents, and their thoughts of being referenced that way. Can you speak for all parents? Are you a consensus outcry for all parents?

I apologize if this seems harsh but I just do not agree with anything you just said. I have worked in foster/adoption care all my life and the hardhsips facing the adoption scene has nothing to do with the way parents are referenced by their kids or others.

No, I'm not.

The OP is asking about "real" parents, as in the people who REALLY made me who I am. You and Chuck see that as the "real" parent being the one who did the "real" parenting.

Sorry--not going there. Get rid of the idea of "real" to begin with. I am NO LESS A PARENT for choosing the best thing for my child when I chose adoption. That doesn't make me her "secondary" parent while her adoptive parents are "REAL".

And yes, this is something of a rant--but so is the "rant" about the adoptive parents being the "real" parents.

I am simply asking that we leave REAL out of it. I AM A REAL PARENT. You know EXACTLY what I am asking here as well. Please stop making it that the only REAL parents are the adoptive parents.

And frankly, if you've worked with foster care/adoption your whole life, then you would understand a whole heck of a lot more about what birthparents face---or do you only deal with those parents who lose their children involuntarily? That's what it seems like to me!

I had a whole huge response to your post--but you're right. It's off-topic and not an answer to the OP.