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    ISAF2014's Avatar
    ISAF2014 Posts: 3, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Apr 13, 2014, 11:29 AM
    Need Some Ideas
    I am adopted and have been for a while. My biological mother is my adoptive father's sister. My parents and I have known who my mother is and I had a slight relationship with her up until 2005. It's not a question of who she is, where I was born or when (I have a copy of my original birth certificate). The issue is that she has vanished and I have been unable to find her. I have been searching a little more diligently over the past two years between deployments (military), but to no avail. I've tried public record searches and library article archives, but they always end up leading to a pay site (I thought public records were free). I have tried DOC and other state judicial websites, again no records. I did pay a small fee on a couple different "finder" sites, but the information given was a phone number and an address that doesn't exist (confirmed after I sent the local Sherriff's office out on a welfare check). I am open to any suggestions as long as they are helpful. Thanks for your time.
    Synnen's Avatar
    Synnen Posts: 7,927, Reputation: 2443
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    #2

    Apr 14, 2014, 09:45 AM
    I know you don't want to spend money, but the surest way to find her is to hire a licensed private investigator. They can often take the information you already have and find a person in a relatively short amount of time for a reasonable fee.

    Otherwise, sometimes how successful a search is depends on how common the name is---and whether they are even using the name anymore. There is nothing illegal about using an alias as long as you are not using it to commit fraud. Jenny Smith is going to be much harder to find than Hebzibah Vander Smelton-White.

    Other than hiring someone to look, my only real suggestions are to look for any variation of her name (or any name you suspect she might be using) on social media websites.
    ISAF2014's Avatar
    ISAF2014 Posts: 3, Reputation: 1
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    #3

    Apr 15, 2014, 08:55 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by Synnen View Post
    I know you don't want to spend money, but the surest way to find her is to hire a licensed private investigator. They can often take the information you already have and find a person in a relatively short amount of time for a reasonable fee.

    Otherwise, sometimes how successful a search is depends on how common the name is---and whether they are even using the name anymore. There is nothing illegal about using an alias as long as you are not using it to commit fraud. Jenny Smith is going to be much harder to find than Hebzibah Vander Smelton-White.

    Other than hiring someone to look, my only real suggestions are to look for any variation of her name (or any name you suspect she might be using) on social media websites.
    Thank you. All of it great advice.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,106, Reputation: 10852
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    #4

    Apr 15, 2014, 09:09 AM
    A person disappears not to be found, and its quite odd your own family doesn't help you. I have to ask are you prepared for the truth? What does the step father her sister, think about your search? Do they know?
    ISAF2014's Avatar
    ISAF2014 Posts: 3, Reputation: 1
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    #5

    Apr 15, 2014, 09:24 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by talaniman View Post
    A person disappears not to be found, and its quite odd your own family doesn't help you. I have to ask are you prepared for the truth? What does the step father her sister, think about your search? Do they know?
    Her brother (my uncle by birth) is my adoptive father, so there are no step parents involved. I understand that people disappear not to be found as she was not apart of my life until I was 7 and then disappeared again until I was 10. She does have a record and usually works jobs for cash "under the table". I have thought about the fact that I may not find her, and I have even thought about the possibility that she may be deceased. However, she is still my biological mother and deserves to know that she has grandchildren now. My adoptive parents and I have talked at great lengths over the years and they are not opposed to me trying to find her or having a relationship. I know who raised me and have made it clear to them that I have no intentions of "replacing" them. Yet, I would still like to know where she is, ask questions regarding my "bio" father, and know more about my other "bio" siblings". Perhaps that may be too much to ask for? Or is it that it is too difficult for some people to understand?
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,106, Reputation: 10852
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    #6

    Apr 15, 2014, 10:47 AM
    I had a very good friend whose joy at finding her father finally was crushed by the fool's wish to have nothing further to do with her or her kids. I wouldn't wish that hurt on my worst enemy.

    Hope you understand.

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