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    orange's Avatar
    orange Posts: 1,364, Reputation: 197
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    #1

    Apr 3, 2006, 01:54 PM
    Okay to live with adoptive parents?
    This situation is a bit complicated, but I'll try to outline it as briefly as possible. :rolleyes:

    As many of you know, I was raised in foster care, never adopted. After I was emancipated, around the age of 18, I became very close to a friend's parents, to the point where I now consider them real parents. They are very involved in my life. This is very, very important to me... because I was raised in foster care, I have a hard time trusting people and when I do trust and get close it is a really big deal. So they are extremely special to me.

    Fast forward to today... I am almost 27, married, pregnant with my first child, and my husband and I have adopted our niece and nephew (ages 6 and 4), whose parents recently died in a tragic accident. We have 2 dogs, a cat and 2 guinea pigs. We are currently looking for a house for the whole shebang.

    In the meantime, we are living at my adoptive parents' house. They are not here; they spend the winters in Victoria and were happy to have someone watch the house for them while they were gone. They are coming back May 1, and that's when we were hoping to find a place to live.

    Well this morning I spoke to my adoptive mom, and they have found a very nice house in Victoria which they would like to purchase. They would then stay in Victoria year round, and sell their house here, the one we are currently staying in. To make a long story short, they want to sell us their house! The house is everything we've ever dreamed of, perfect location, nice yard, more than big enough for everyone, etc. The only drawback is, as they are coming back here in May, we would have to live in the same house with them for 5 months, while they pack up stuff and prepare to leave. They are fine with that and five months doesn't seem like a really long time, and I really love them, but I'm worried we will fight or something, and the relationship will sour.

    Probably I'm being overly paranoid, but given that I was in foster care, relationships and trust are always a huge issue for me. Anyway my question is, is it okay to live with them for these few months? We really want their house, it's perfect! And it would be highly inconvenient to move everyone somewhere else for the summer, especially since I am giving birth in June! Any thoughts are appreciated.
    CaptainForest's Avatar
    CaptainForest Posts: 3,645, Reputation: 393
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    #2

    Apr 3, 2006, 02:24 PM
    There is no reason you can't all live together.

    You probably will have some disagreements, all families have them.

    But, it is only for 5 months.

    Congrads on getting the house :)
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,277, Reputation: 7690
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    #3

    Apr 3, 2006, 06:11 PM
    Yes it will be hard living in the same house normally, now my wife's mother comes up and stays about 2 weeks each month with no trouble, but that is almost the exception.

    But of course it sounds like they really care for you and I am sure they know it will be hard also.

    It will be hard, but with love we can make all things work
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 53,912, Reputation: 10852
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    #4

    Apr 3, 2006, 07:58 PM
    Talk to your husband and get his take on this matter. Personaly I see nothing wrong living with people you love so much It looks like God is blessing you again!:cool: :)
    kp2171's Avatar
    kp2171 Posts: 5,320, Reputation: 1612
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    #5

    Apr 3, 2006, 09:53 PM
    Do it.

    I rarely ask for help. I hate doing it. I'm just wired funny, I guess. I expect myself to get things done, and I simply cannot stand it when I need help.

    After my son was born we had an influx of people, family who came to help us, stay with us, give us some room and time. I was a little uneasy about it, and now I'm really grateful for the time and the help we had.

    While you have so much going on, and I understand the concern about arguments, etc... this is a gift.

    Things might be a little "off" with two more people in the house and the chaos that can come from moving... if things get a little nuts I seriously doubt that will change their feelings for you or yours for them.

    They're your "adoptive" family. I'm sure you can use some help from your family right now. You may never have this chance again, this time to spend with them.

    I will bet when it is done you will have had a hundred blessed moments to any one difficult moment.
    fredg's Avatar
    fredg Posts: 4,929, Reputation: 674
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    #6

    Apr 4, 2006, 07:15 AM
    Hi, Orange,
    For 5 months, living with your parents, getting your "dream home" so fast, having family to help with a newborn baby, having your family with you to help with all the kids and animals, is too good to be true!
    Don't pass up this offer.
    I am sure you have had some minor "disagreements" with your family in the past, and I am sure you will have again. Anyone living together will have some arguments; even if just two people living together, no one else.
    Don't be afraid to do this, and count your blessings everyday. Some never have an opportunity like this. Best of luck.
    orange's Avatar
    orange Posts: 1,364, Reputation: 197
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    #7

    Apr 4, 2006, 01:23 PM
    Thanks again for all the advice everyone. I started giving you all comments, got as far as Fr Chuck, and then was told that I have given out too much reputation in the last 24 hours lol. So I'll haveto come back and give person comments later.

    Actually after I posted this question I decided to "come clean" to my adoptive parents and share with them my worries about us fighting. They were actually quite understanding of my worries, and said that even if we do fight, it won't effect the relationship at least on their end. My "mom" (Sara) said too that because it's only 5 months and there's a definite deadline when we won't be living together anymore, it should be easier to be nice to each other. And they are actually both looking forward to living with us, especially with me having the baby. They don't have any "natural" grandchildren yet, so it's pretty exciting for them. I told them a long time ago that my child would be their grandchild.

    As far as my husband goes, it might be a bit weird for him, as my "dad" (Walter) was one of his professors in medical school! Walter is a retired psychiatrist and used to teach interns and residents. So they have some history there lol. But Alex (my husband) has been with me for a couple of years now, so he's mostly gotten used to Walter being "family" haha. They actually might be working together in the ER this summer! Walter still does some part time work, although I think this will be his last year.

    So... here's hoping it will all work out! I am very very excited about the house! It's more money than we wanted to spend initially, but with 3 children, it will be better in the long run. Plus we won't have to move again! We've moved 3 times in the last year, and I'm sick of it!
    CaptainForest's Avatar
    CaptainForest Posts: 3,645, Reputation: 393
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    #8

    Apr 4, 2006, 03:01 PM
    Wow, already moved 3 times in the last year.

    I hate moving as well. All the packing and unpacking, it can be quite annoying, not to mention time consuming.

    The fact that you spoke with your parents about your concerns, that's a good thing. It will now hopefully make things go even easier for all of you!
    JoeCanada76's Avatar
    JoeCanada76 Posts: 6,669, Reputation: 1707
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    #9

    Apr 4, 2006, 03:29 PM
    Hello Orange,

    Everything is happening so fast for you and your family. Everything is falling into place. I think you should take the chanch. Yes, it is a matter of fact that when you have so many different personalities in one house could cause problems, but then again it could be a great help. Just be open and honest, love them as your are part of their family and try to remain patient. Remember, arguments do happen. Disagreements do occur, but then it is only 5 months. Right!!
    orange's Avatar
    orange Posts: 1,364, Reputation: 197
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    #10

    Apr 4, 2006, 09:46 PM
    Thanks CaptainForest and Jesushelper. Yes moving sucks, and I feel like I'm going crazy with all the activity around here!! I'm getting a pretty big baby bulge now too lol... almost 7 months pregnant! So it's getting harder to do all the work... I tire a lot more easily.

    After the talk with my parents, I'm feeling a lot calmer about the whole thing. My mom said she would be a free babysitter for the whole time they will be here, so that sweetened the deal, LOL. I am actually looking forward to spending extra time with her and my dad. I'm used to seeing them 2-3 times a week and talking to them practically every day, and since they've been away all winter I've really missed them.

    For what it's worth, before I was with my husband, I was told by everyone that I am an excellent roommate and very easy to live with. So even if there are problems, they likely won't be blamed on me! :p
    JoeCanada76's Avatar
    JoeCanada76 Posts: 6,669, Reputation: 1707
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    #11

    Apr 5, 2006, 01:47 AM
    They will blame it on pregnancy hormones. Hee Hee (:
    Starman's Avatar
    Starman Posts: 1,308, Reputation: 135
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    #12

    Apr 5, 2006, 05:56 AM
    Their return is a drawback?

    I say trust your gut feelings on this. The mind works on an intuition level in some cases and the feelings generated are based on facts. If there is apprehension, ask yourself what it's based on. If the basis for this apprehension is serious, then perhaps it would be better to move temporarily. Remember, pregnancy is not a particularly good time for a woman to be put under stress.
    orange's Avatar
    orange Posts: 1,364, Reputation: 197
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    #13

    Apr 5, 2006, 11:41 AM
    No, it's not a drawback. As I said a couple of posts back, I am really excited to see them again, as when they are in town I usually see them 2-3 times a week. We've always gotten along extremely well. I'm just worried because I have trust issues from being raised in foster care. However, since I've spoken to them, this has been cleared up somewhat. At least they are aware of how I feel, and I think that's good. Plus I haven't mentioned this before, but all of us involved are very busy people, so I doubt we will have a lot of time to get on each other's nerves, now that I think of it.

    I too am worried about the pregnancy stress, but I think it would be more stressful for me to move yet again (we have already moved 3 times this year), and then move again in the fall just after the baby is born (for a grand total of 5 moves in one year! ). I'm actually very relieved that we will be staying put.
    orange's Avatar
    orange Posts: 1,364, Reputation: 197
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    #14

    Apr 5, 2006, 11:46 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by Jesushelper76
    They will blame it on pregnancy hormones. Hee Hee (:
    LMAO yeah I'm going to miss being able to use "pregnancy hormones" as an excuse for everything. I'll just have to get pregnant again I guess. :D
    milliec's Avatar
    milliec Posts: 262, Reputation: 55
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    #15

    Apr 9, 2006, 11:18 AM
    Oh dear!
    Don't forget that afterwards the sudden drop in the hormonal level can be blamed for practically everything!
    How are you doing?
    I think lady fate has warm feelings for you, and I wish you to have it this way forever!
    I understand your worries, and I agree fully with "better worry than sorry"
    So I wish you all a happy life together, and it's good you worry now,so that will be no reason for sorrow later on.
    Good luck,
    Millie
    :)
    orange's Avatar
    orange Posts: 1,364, Reputation: 197
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    #16

    Apr 10, 2006, 01:11 PM
    Thanks Millie. Yeah things have been going quite well in my life in the last couple of years. In a way I feel like I deserve it, because I had an absolutely rotten time as a kid, with mentally ill parents and growing up half in poverty with them, half in foster care, and all the bad things that happened to me in the process. On the other hand, I also believe I've "created" my current situation to an extent. This might sound flakey, but I read a lot of those motivational books and listened to tapes, and they all tell you to think positively and imagine good things happening. Well I did that for YEARS and now it appears that what I imagined has finally come true. :)
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 53,912, Reputation: 10852
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    #17

    Apr 10, 2006, 01:53 PM
    Don't forget to thank God!:cool: :)
    orange's Avatar
    orange Posts: 1,364, Reputation: 197
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    #18

    Apr 10, 2006, 02:27 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by talaniman
    Don't forget to thank God!:cool: :)
    Well in a way I guess the positive thinking stuff is a kind of prayer, so yeah I thank G-d for my good fortune! :)

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