Ask Experts Questions for FREE Help !
Ask

    I'm looking for my birth mother. I need help someone!!

    Asked Jul 23, 2012, 06:27 PM 12 Answers
    Well I am 16 years old and I was born at St. Mary's hospital. I was adopted around 9 months old. I have always dreamed of meeting my mom but never been able to find her. I know I'm too young to be wanting to find her but if any one reads this, you have to please understand I just want to know the women who gave birth to me. And you would probably want to do the same. My mom sort of left after she had me and I have no clue who my father is. My mom was drunk when she got pregnant. That's the stories I've heard. I don't care if that is true because she is the women who gave birth to me. I have a feeling that she is a wonderful person now. And if you have any ideas of how you can help please leave comments below, help me.
    I do know one thing that can help more. Her name is >name removed for privacy<. I don't know if she has gotten married or not.
    Thanks to any one who will help me!
    Sincerely,
    A desperate teen who wants to meet her biological mother.

    Last edited by Wondergirl; Jul 25, 2012 at 03:47 PM.
    Search this Question
    Share |
    12 Answers
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 80,525, Reputation: 7612
    Expert
     
    #2

    Jul 23, 2012, 07:25 PM


    And that is all she is, the women who had drunken sex and gave birth to you and then took off.

    You say you were adopted, who adopted you, have they not been your mom all these years, being there for your school, for your illness. How is this search hurting her feelings ?
    Helpful
    HLJones's Avatar
    HLJones Posts: 13, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #3

    Jul 23, 2012, 08:05 PM
    For one my mom does know and she is fine with it because she knows I wouldn't leave the her for my biological mother. But she is my mother who gave birth to me, I don't care who you are but don't talk like that about the person who have birth to me. And also for your information, how would you feel if someone told you oh your mother was a drunk when she got pregnant with you and you were just a mistake, wouldn't feel too good. So I would much rather take advice from some one who will actually help me not try to put me down. So thanks for your time but don't reply to my message and leave me alone, unless you would like to help, other than that... Bye
    Helpful
    Synnen's Avatar
    Synnen Posts: 7,926, Reputation: 2443
    Expert
     
    #4

    Jul 23, 2012, 09:55 PM


    If your mom knows you are looking, then SHE needs to be the one to help you, not us.

    We cannot help a minor search.

    Sorry.
    Helpful
    Priscilla Sharp's Avatar
    Priscilla Sharp Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #5

    Jul 24, 2012, 06:26 AM
    Desperate ~~ While it is true we cannot help a minor search, you only have two years to wait. Depending on where you were born, you might even be able to get your original birth certificate (OBC) when you turn 18. In the meantime, I would encourage you to join some of the many on-line support groups for adoptees, where people of all ages understand very well what you are feeling and thinking and will not denigrate and insult you or your mother. We have several on Facebook and if you Google the words minor adoptee support groups, several suggestions will come up. Again, we cannot actively help you search, but you will find counseling, acceptance and understanding.
    Priscilla Stone Sharp
    Mother of Loss (to Adoption)/Search Angel/Adoptee Rights Advocate
    Helpful
    HLJones's Avatar
    HLJones Posts: 13, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #6

    Jul 24, 2012, 08:15 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by Priscilla Sharp View Post
    Desperate ~~ While it is true we cannot help a minor search, you only have two years to wait. Depending on where you were born, you might even be able to get your original birth certificate (OBC) when you turn 18. In the meantime, I would encourage you to join some of the many on-line support groups for adoptees, where people of all ages understand very well what you are feeling and thinking and will not denigrate and insult you or your mother. We have several on Facebook and if you google the words minor adoptee support groups, several suggestions will come up. Again, we cannot actively help you search, but you will find counseling, acceptance and understanding.
    Priscilla Stone Sharp
    Mother of Loss (to Adoption)/Search Angel/Adoptee Rights Advocate
    Thanks but I don't need counseling or help? Lol I have a perfect wonderful family that I live with, I don't need help. So thanks anyway
    Helpful
    HLJones's Avatar
    HLJones Posts: 13, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #7

    Jul 24, 2012, 08:21 AM
    Ok well every can stop replying. I'm just going to stop looking now! So PLEASE Don't COMMENT ANYMORE!! Thanks
    Helpful
    lizfreeman's Avatar
    lizfreeman Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #8

    Jul 24, 2012, 02:53 PM
    Hi, while I can't help you look for your birth mother, I can understand how you might be feeling, but you might want to add a bit more information to your search, like your birth name ( if you know it) and your date of birth, there may be someone on Facebook who is related to your birth mother and will recognize you and you may get in touch that way. Good luck
    Helpful
    HLJones's Avatar
    HLJones Posts: 13, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #9

    Jul 24, 2012, 04:13 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by lizfreeman View Post
    Hi, while I can't help you look for your birth mother, i can understand how you might be feeling, but you might want to add a bit more information to your search, like your birth name ( if you know it) and your date of birth, there may be someone on facebook who is related to your birth mother and will recognize you and you may get in touch that way. Good luck
    Yeah I know my birth name and all that. I just can't really find a way to find her :/ it sucks because no one can really help since I'm a minor. :(
    Helpful
    JudyKayTee's Avatar
    JudyKayTee Posts: 46,506, Reputation: 4594
    Uber Member
     
    #10

    Jul 24, 2012, 04:55 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by HLJones View Post
    Ok well every can stop replying. I'm just going to stop looking now! So PLEASE DONT COMMENT ANYMORE !!! Thanks
    With this attitude save your birth family some pain and don't try to find them until you grow up a little bit.
    Helpful
    HLJones's Avatar
    HLJones Posts: 13, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #11

    Jul 24, 2012, 05:29 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by JudyKayTee View Post
    With this attitude save your birth family some pain and don't try to find them until you grow up a little bit.
    Ok you know what be in my position, see how you feel. I would like if you wouldn't comment anymore and leave me alone. Thanks!
    Helpful
    Evil Potato's Avatar
    Evil Potato Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #12

    Jul 25, 2012, 02:51 PM
    Those things are only what she was told. And we all know that people lie.

    You're not helping. You cannot expect any adopted person, whatever their age, to be grateful for being adopted without knowing all the facts.

    Are you grateful for your life because your mother didn't abort you? How do you even know the thought didn't cross her mind? Would that make you think differently, throw yourself to your knees and thank the heavens above for your life?

    I thought not.
    Helpful
    JudyKayTee's Avatar
    JudyKayTee Posts: 46,506, Reputation: 4594
    Uber Member
     
    #13

    Jul 25, 2012, 03:22 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by Evil Potato View Post
    Those things are only what she was told. And we all know that people lie.

    You're not helping. You cannot expect any adopted person, whatever their age, to be grateful for being adopted without knowing all the facts.

    Are you grateful for your life because your mother didn't abort you? How do you even know the thought didn't cross her mind? Would that make you think differently, throw yourself to your knees and thank the heavens above for your life?

    I thought not.

    No, we don't "all know" that adoptive parents lie to adopted children. Maybe that's your experience, but it is not mine - and, of course, I'm not "all." I'm one person, as are you. Start speaking in generalities and you lose credibility.

    And, yes, I don't know if "grateful" is the word; perhaps "appreciative" is a better word to express the sentiments of an adopted person. I have never known anyone who adopted a child for the applause and approval of the people. Perhaps you have.

    Maybe this particular adopted child (if that's what you're addressing; quite frankly, I can't tell WHAT/WHO you are addressing) would prefer not to have been adopted, to have been raised by an (apparently) single mother, would choose another life if she had the chance. Maybe the mother was intoxicated. Maybe she wasn't. It was 16 years ago. Does it matter?

    I was the adult victim of rape. I didn't get pregnant. I was worried, but I was "okay." So what would you advise me? I was sober, by the way, just outpowered and overwhelmed.

    Maybe saying the mother was intoxicated and got raped and pregnant is kinder than saying that the mother had no idea which candidate was the father. We don't know the circumstances of this adoption - private, open, closed, family member, stranger. Maybe the adoptive mother is tired of hearing about the sainted birth mother and lost her cool, came back at the child in an unfair but heated manner.

    I quite honestly never understand the need to meet/see/contact the birth mother UNTIL/UNLESS there is a medical or other reason. Yes, "we" all like to know our roots BUT is there no loyalty to or respect of the adoptive parents? I can't imagine raising a child to the age of 16 and suddenly she's on a public board saying she's too young to get the info but, by the way, here's the name of the birth mother.

    What the heck?

    Great news for anyone considering adoption! A 16-year old gets to decide she's unhappy and so adopting her was the adoptive parents' mistake! (I would venture a guess that there are a lot of unhappy "natural" children.) To make it worse, the birth mother suddenly finds her name and history (or made up history) posted on the Internet!

    So - it's already been posted but I trust >named removed for privacy< doesn't read what is posted on AMHD. If this adoption was sealed or private someone has just done irreparable harm to [her] - and that person is her own daughter.

    So - if the facts aren't to the adopted child's liking then the adoption was NOT beneficial to the child, despite the fact that the birth parents signed to allow the child to be adopted, thinking that was in everyone's best interest, and they were presumably adults or children old enough to get pregnant and make adult decisions)?

    I have no idea what whether my mother thought about aborting me has to do with this question. Are you saying that it would have been "better" for the OP, more acceptable, to have been aborted? I don't even see the word "aborted" in her post anywhere. Where are you reading that?

    And do me a favor - address your mother and her decisions. Leave my mother out of this equation. I don't know if you are trying to be offensive or if it just comes naturally to you. When all reasoning fails, insult a person's mother?

    And, no, it wouldn't "make [me] think differently, throw [my]self to [my] knees and thank the heavens above for [my] life if I knew my mother had considered an abortion. In fact, I have no idea what you are talking about, the analogy, the connection to the question, what my mother has to do with anything. I have no problem if you speak for yourself.

    Don't speak for me.

    On one hand you seem to be saying that the OP should not be "grateful" (your word) for being adopted without knowing the circumstances of her birth. On the other hand you are saying she should drop to her knees and be grateful she wasn't aborted. Or something - it's hard to tell what you are saying.

    Of course, I also don't know who you are addressing because you didn't quote an answer. I'm thinking it's me because I posted last.

    I know you "thought not." In fact, I don't think you thought at all.

    The child who thought it was appropriate to post her mother's FULL NAME and history also just feels that her mother is a wonderful person now - based on... what? For the sake of the child, I hope the mother is but I see major attitude on the part of this 16 year old. "but don't reply to my message and leave me alone, unless you would like to help, other than that... Bye". Sure, the birth mother needs this child in her life!

    I find it very interesting that you opened an account, addressed this ONE question out of all the questions on the adoption/finding someone boards - and then signed off. Very interesting.

    I trust a Mod is checking IP addresses - ?
    Helpful

Not your question? Ask your question View similar questions

 

Question Tools Search this Question
Search this Question:

Advanced Search


Check out some similar questions!

Finding Birth Mother [ 16 Answers ]

Okay, So I was born in Florida in 1994 and my adoption was cloed yet my birth mother sent me a few photos of her from the 1970s-1990s and a letter with her full name on it. I found her on Facebook I think but I'm too scared to contact her because she does not no my name because of the Closed...

Finding my birth mother? [ 2 Answers ]

I was born in lower hutt hospital on the 20/10/1969

Looking for birth mother [ 3 Answers ]

Hello. My name is Christina C. and I was placed up for adoption when I was 2 weeks old... I was told my birth name is mary ann hill and my mothers name is rose hill... if anyone out there knows anybody by the name of Rose hill I would so kindly appreciate it if someone could contact me at...

Looking for Birth Mother [ 5 Answers ]

I am trying to help my adopted brother, find his birth mother. We know where he was born we have her first, middle, and last name (Maiden Name). At this time if she is still living she should be 75 years old. Our adopted parents are both dead now and he would like to know if he has other sibblings....


View more questions Search