Originally Posted by Evil Potato
No, we don't "all know" that adoptive parents lie to adopted children. Maybe that's your experience, but it is not mine - and, of course, I'm not "all." I'm one person, as are you. Start speaking in generalities and you lose credibility.
And, yes, I don't know if "grateful" is the word; perhaps "appreciative" is a better word to express the sentiments of an adopted person. I have never known anyone who adopted a child for the applause and approval of the people. Perhaps you have.
Maybe this particular adopted child (if that's what you're addressing; quite frankly, I can't tell WHAT/WHO you are addressing) would prefer not to have been adopted, to have been raised by an (apparently) single mother, would choose another life if she had the chance. Maybe the mother was intoxicated. Maybe she wasn't. It was 16 years ago. Does it matter?
I was the adult victim of rape. I didn't get pregnant. I was worried, but I was "okay." So what would you advise me? I was sober, by the way, just outpowered and overwhelmed.
Maybe saying the mother was intoxicated and got raped and pregnant is kinder than saying that the mother had no idea which candidate was the father. We don't know the circumstances of this adoption - private, open, closed, family member, stranger. Maybe the adoptive mother is tired of hearing about the sainted birth mother and lost her cool, came back at the child in an unfair but heated manner.
I quite honestly never understand the need to meet/see/contact the birth mother UNTIL/UNLESS there is a medical or other reason. Yes, "we" all like to know our roots BUT is there no loyalty to or respect of the adoptive parents? I can't imagine raising a child to the age of 16 and suddenly she's on a public board saying she's too young to get the info but, by the way, here's the name of the birth mother.
What the heck?
Great news for anyone considering adoption! A 16-year old gets to decide she's unhappy and so adopting her was the adoptive parents' mistake! (I would venture a guess that there are a lot of unhappy "natural" children.) To make it worse, the birth mother suddenly finds her name and history (or made up history) posted on the Internet!
So - it's already been posted but I trust >named removed for privacy< doesn't read what is posted on AMHD. If this adoption was sealed or private someone has just done irreparable harm to [her] - and that person is her own daughter.
So - if the facts aren't to the adopted child's liking then the adoption was NOT beneficial to the child, despite the fact that the birth parents signed to allow the child to be adopted, thinking that was in everyone's best interest, and they were presumably adults or children old enough to get pregnant and make adult decisions)?
I have no idea what whether my mother thought about aborting me has to do with this question. Are you saying that it would have been "better" for the OP, more acceptable, to have been aborted? I don't even see the word "aborted" in her post anywhere. Where are you reading that?
And do me a favor - address your mother and her decisions. Leave my mother out of this equation. I don't know if you are trying to be offensive or if it just comes naturally to you. When all reasoning fails, insult a person's mother?
And, no, it wouldn't "make [me] think differently, throw [my]self to [my] knees and thank the heavens above for [my] life if I knew my mother had considered an abortion. In fact, I have no idea what you are talking about, the analogy, the connection to the question, what my mother has to do with anything. I have no problem if you speak for yourself.
Don't speak for me.
On one hand you seem to be saying that the OP should not be "grateful" (your word) for being adopted without knowing the circumstances of her birth. On the other hand you are saying she should drop to her knees and be grateful she wasn't aborted. Or something - it's hard to tell what you are saying.
Of course, I also don't know who you are addressing because you didn't quote an answer. I'm thinking it's me because I posted last.
I know you "thought not." In fact, I don't think you thought at all.
The child who thought it was appropriate to post her mother's FULL NAME and history also just feels that her mother is a wonderful person now - based on... what? For the sake of the child, I hope the mother is but I see major attitude on the part of this 16 year old. "but don't reply to my message and leave me alone, unless you would like to help, other than that... Bye". Sure, the birth mother needs this child in her life!
I find it very interesting that you opened an account, addressed this ONE question out of all the questions on the adoption/finding someone boards - and then signed off. Very interesting.
I trust a Mod is checking IP addresses - ?