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mrsetu07 · Jun 25, 2007, 12:54 PM

So here is the story... My husband and I were married in February. At that time my ex and I were going through a nasty battle in court over whether he was the father of my son or not. Recently we found out that he isn't. So my question is this. I don't know who the father of my son is, but my husband is the only man he knows as daddy. How do I go about having my husband adopt my son? I live in NY so I don't really know what the laws are here I have tried to check but I still don't know any of them... So any help would be greatly appreciated...

Thank you

Tanya

Fr_Chuck · Jun 25, 2007, 05:47 PM

Well who did you sleep with, surely the list is not that long, so you know? Who the father could be ? They get notified and tested, and the one that is the father will sign his rights to allow the adoption.

If the father can not be found ( using and following the rules of your local court) then normally after proper public notice, the adoption can go though.
So your first stop will be an attorney to start the procedures needed according to your courts rules

mrsetu07 · Jun 26, 2007, 06:00 AM

Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

well who did you sleep with, surely the list is not that long, so you know ?? who the father could be ? they get notified and tested, and the one that is the father will sign his rights to allow the adoption.

If the father can not be found ( using and following the rules of your local court) then normally after proper public notice, the adoption can go though.
So your first stop will be an attorney to start the procedures needed according to your courts rules

Thank you for your advice.. I did not put this up here so I could be questioned about who I was sleeping with... It's nobody's business. People make mistakes... I know that and I am living with mine.

Squiffy · Jun 26, 2007, 06:13 AM

Its not a mistake because you have a son, it doesn't matter who the father is! Many of us have made mistakes, people shouldn't judge. I would say have a chat with your solicitor. My partner adopted two of his ex wife's children (born after they had split up) I think it is a wonderful idea. Good luck. I don't have a clue about the legalities of it where you are, so can't help much there, sorry. But good luck!

mrsetu07 · Jun 26, 2007, 06:33 AM

Originally Posted by Squiffy

Its not a mistake because you have a son, it doesnt matter who the father is! Many of us have made mistakes, people shouldnt judge. I would say have a chat with your solicitor. My partner adopted two of his ex wifes children (born after they had split up) I think it is a wonderful idea. Good luck. I dont have a clue about the legalities of it where you are, so can't help much there, sorry. But good luck!

Thank you for your advice... I didn't mean to sound like my son was a mistake because he wasn't.. believe me I love my kids. My mistake is the fact that I don't know who his father is. I guess people think that makes me a bad person but I'm not.

ScottGem · Jun 26, 2007, 07:11 AM

Originally Posted by mrsetu07

Thank you for your advice...I didn't mean to sound like my son was a mistake because he wasn't..believe me I love my kids. My mistake is the fact that I don't know who his father is. I guess people think that makes me a bad person but i'm not.

I'm sorry but you opened this up by asking this question. I don't think you are a bad person, but if you can't narrow down who the father of your child is, then I think you have made some very bad choices in your previous life.

The facts of life are this; You know when your child was born. Armed with his birthdate you can figure out within a week or so, when he was conceived. Once you know the conception date, you should be able to figure out who you had relations with during that time. The list shouldn't be more than few guys unless you were highly promiscuous.

The point of this is the judge is going to ask these same questions. Adoption means filing a court petition to allow your husband to become the child's legal father. This means removing the biological father's rights. Courts do not take lightly the removal of someone's rights. So the judge is going to ask you these questions. He may require that you contact everyone you had relations with during the conception period and have them take a DNA test. So, if you want your husband to adopt you have to be prepared to make a good faith attempt to find the biological father.

mrsetu07 · Jun 26, 2007, 09:19 AM

Originally Posted by ScottGem

I'm sorry but you opened this up by asking this question. I don't think you are a bad person, but if you can't narrow down who the father of your child is, then I think you have made some very bad choices in your previous life.

The facts of life are this; You know when your child was born. Armed with his birthdate you can figure out within a week or so, when he was conceived. Once you know the conception date, you should be able to figure out who you had relations with during that time. The list shouldn't be more than few guys unless you were highly promiscuous.

The point of this is the judge is going to ask these same questions. Adoption means filing a court petition to allow your husband to become the child's legal father. This means removing the biological father's rights. Courts do not take lightly the removal of someone's rights. So the judge is going to ask you these questions. He may require that you contact everyone you had relations with during the conception period and have them take a DNA test. So, if you want your husband to adopt you have to be prepared to make a good faith attempt to find the biological father.

I know what you are saying.. Here is the thing there is only one other person it could possibly be. I don't know his real name and he lives in California... so there lies the problem with finding out who he is. I met him at a bar and well stupid me had too much to drink... now I am going to live with my choice for the rest of my life

ScottGem · Jun 26, 2007, 10:16 AM

I realize that must have been hard to post. But it makes a lot more sense then what you said earlier. It also puts you in a much better light.

But it still leaves you with telling that story to a judge. If all you know about this person was that he was from California, there is little you can do to find him. If you know what town, you may be required to post a public notice in a local paper trying to find him. But the judge will instruct you what steps, if any, you need to attempt to contact him. Once those steps have been exhausted, the adoption will probably be granted.

mrsetu07 · Jun 26, 2007, 01:11 PM

Originally Posted by ScottGem

I realize that must have been hard to post. But it makes a lot more sense then what you said earlier. It also puts you in a much better light.

But it still leaves you with telling that story to a judge. If all you know about this person was that he was from California, there is little you can do to find him. If you know what town, you may be required to post a public notice in a local paper trying to find him. But the judge will instruct you what steps, if any, you need to attempt to contact him. Once those steps have been exhausted, the adoption will probably be granted.

I don't know what town or exactly where... All I remember is he was here on vacation... I know he said he was from California, but I can't be certain if he was telling the truth or not... And yes this was hard for me to post, but it was something that I had to do in order to get some type of advice

s_cianci · Jun 30, 2007, 03:59 PM

With the information you have given here, it shouldn't be too hard for your husband to adopt your son. As Scott said, a judge might require you to post some sort of public notice to try and locate the father. But based on the circumstances that would really just be a formality. Once the required waiting period expires the judge would authorize the adoption and that'd be it.