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    Can my boyfriend adopt my son?

    Asked Jan 5, 2013, 08:57 PM 5 Answers
    My boyfriend and I have been living together for 1.5 years. My son is 9 yrs old and has had no contact with his biological father. My son doesn't even legally have a father on the birth certificate and paternity was never established. I did this to protect my son from his biological father, per the directions from CPS.

    CPS had already removed his rights from his other children with other woman, due to his criminal history. He was convicted of 3rd child rape and 1st degree custodial interference, after he had raped and kidnapped, his fiance's daughter.

    At this time, my boyfriend and I do not want to get married, due to my Social Security.

    We live in WA state.

    Last edited by talaniman; Jan 6, 2013 at 11:03 AM.
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    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 37,478, Reputation: 5403
    Jobs & Parenting Expert

    Jan 5, 2013, 09:10 PM
    In most states, you and the potential adopter have to be married for a year before a court will allow an adoption. The biological father usually has to give his permission, but in your case, this might be waived, considering the history..
    Synnen's Avatar
    Synnen Posts: 7,926, Reputation: 2443

    Jan 5, 2013, 09:29 PM

    You need a lawyer.

    Step parent adoptions can't happen unless there is a step parent. Basically, the court (and I agree) thinks that if you're not willing to make a lifelong commitment to someone, why should they give a lifelong commitment to that person for minors under your control? Basically, why should they give your kids something you won't do yourself?

    I understand that in your situation getting paternity established only to have parental rights taken away may open a huge can of worms that you would rather not open, but in most cases, that IS what has to happen. If you want to get around that, you're going to need an attorney to help you navigate so that it is done legally.

    But you're probably going to have to get married first.
    Helpful (1)
    CAHOLO's Avatar
    CAHOLO Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
    New Member

    Jan 5, 2013, 09:35 PM
    We want to get married, but we are struggling as it is on our income, we couldn't afford any cuts to my SSD/SSI due to his income. My son was receiving TANF until he was 5 years old and paternity/child support collection was exempt, due to the father's criminal history (putting the parent or child at risk). I also have a lifelong restraining order against the father as well. At 5 years old, my son was approved for SSI for his disabilities. I also do not know where the father is located.
    Synnen's Avatar
    Synnen Posts: 7,926, Reputation: 2443

    Jan 5, 2013, 09:51 PM

    I sympathize with your situation--far too many people are in similar situations.

    However, the court will look at adoption law and the best interest of your child. In most places, adoption law states that in order for a step-parent adoption to happen (a partner adopts without the current custodial parent losing parental rights), the partner must BE a step-parent.

    Look at it from the perspective that it is protecting kids from being adopted every single time mommy finds a new guy. It's also making sure that the step-parent is TRULY committed to the family by being married and staying married a year.

    Is there an immediate need for your boyfriend to have custody? Are you terminally ill? If there is no immediate need, I suggest referring to yourselves as family now, and saving up for the legal adoption to happen at a later date.
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 80,987, Reputation: 7671

    Jan 6, 2013, 04:18 AM

    Yes, adoption is going to be harder and cost much more, sinch there is not a father listed.
    A father is going to have to be proven, and that father notified of the adoption, with the right to object. I hope you have that advice of CPS in writing, that .may help prove part of the case.
    With all of his criminal past, you may get rights taken away, to allow adoptoin, but it will go to court and it is going to be fairly costly
    Thus the issue if you can't afford to get married

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