We just found out that when my son was 14 , (he is 22 now) his girlfriend got pregnant and the parents moved her aways and had her put the baby up for adoption, we would have kept this child if only we knew. I don't know what state she gave the baby up in but we are from New Jersey . How do we find this child , it is making my son sick to know he has a child and may very well never see it. And was it legal for her to do this without his consent or knowledge? This is all the info we have besides the birth moms name. She won't tell us anything else.

It probably wasn't legal--an adoption requires the signatures of BOTH parents to happen.

However, you are now talking about an EIGHT year old. Not a baby. And you're talking about a child that may not know he or she is adoption, and who has loving parents who jumped through a lot of hoops and spent a lot of money to be able to adopt him or her.

Legal or not, after 8 years I doubt any court in this country would overturn that adoption, because it is simply NOT in the child's best interests.

Does he possibly have a civil case against the birthmother and/or her parents? Probably. But believe me--the birthmother has her own things to deal with regarding the adoption, especially if her parents coerced her into it.

I suggest your son get counseling, and wait until the child is 18 to do anything else.

PS--YOU don't find this child. YOU have nothing legally to do with the child. If your son is that dead set on disrupting this child's life, then he should get a lawyer and expect to spend large sums of money to do so. Also, searching for a minor adoptee in some states is NOT allowed through the courts--you then have to hire a licensed private investigator to get more information--which gets very expensive very quickly.

PPS--I'd also be REALLY freaking amazed if the birthmother told her parents before telling her boyfriend. At 14, that's not generally the way a girl's mind works. I'm betting your son knew, or at least had suspicions, at 14 and it's just now starting to haunt him.

Thank you , yes my son said that he had and idea but didn't want to push for more info because he thought he would be introuble home. He doesn't want to let the child know who he is just know that the child is OK and what he/she looks like.

Synnen gave you excellent advice. Let me throw some more issues at you.

No the adoption was not legal, but then neither was the sex. The girlfriend and her family had several choices on how to deal with her pregnancy. One of them may have been to charge your son with statutory rape. There is also the possibility that the Statute of Limitations on that crime has not expired. If he pursues this he could still find himself in trouble with the law.

What probably happened is they went through a private adoption and the paperwork was fudged. Or they just lied to the court that they did not know who or where the father was. How they obtained the adoption is immaterial now, since, as Synnen said, no court will overturn it.

How did you find out about the child and the adoption?

P.S. Please use the Answer option (not Comments) to provide follow-up.

In some cases there is no requirements a birth father to consent to adoption.