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redhothood · May 26, 2008, 11:26 AM

My husband is attempting to adopt my daughter (age 11), he has been her dad now for about 9 years. The biological father has not seen his child since she was 5 months old and never paid child support. I have a child support order and a permanent restraining order which was granted in Kansas, 1997. The support order still stands but the restraining order lasted one year. My ex has a history of domestic violence (broke my arm which is why we have the order and left the state). My daughter considers my husband her dad and wants the adoption to happen as well. My ex states he will contest the adoption and is filing a motion to reintegrate visitations just to be a pain. Is there a chance this will happen and would we have to travel to Kansas from Oregon for proceedings? The adoption is filed in the state of Oregon. All of us do not want him to have access to my daughter considering his violent history and she does not know him. He basically abandoned her at a few months of age. Now he decides he wants to see her and won't voluntarily give up the right. Still hasn't paid child support! Can anyone enlighten me on what could happen or what to expect? We already know that upon notification we will need an attorney, we just want to know what is ahead of us? Thank you!

Fr_Chuck · May 26, 2008, 12:19 PM

The fact he has not seen her or paid can be brought up, I would guess if he actually objects to the adoption, and files, he will present some plan to start paying. To bad you did not work harder at inforcement of the child support, if he had to sit in jail a few weeks, if he was having his pay check garnished, he may be easier to deal with.

So if he will not agree, that would be my first action, active inforcement of the child support order.

redhothood · May 26, 2008, 12:49 PM

We just recently hired a private agency to attempt to collect and enforce the order which I think is what started this. He does not want to pay and we were hoping he might do jail time for not paying which would help in securing compliance with signing the papers. So you think he will have to pay in order to see her?

Synnen · May 26, 2008, 03:50 PM

A local attorney is going to have better advice for you than you can get here.

1. He is GOING to have to pay. Back support, too.
2. If you're willing to drop the back support, he may be willing to barter with you--you drop the back support, he voluntarily gives up his rights.
3. His history of abuse may prevent him from getting any form of custody, but may NOT prevent him from getting supervised visitation.

You NEED a lawyer, and badly, if you want this man to have absolutely no contact with your child.

suitntie · May 27, 2008, 10:04 AM

Well this same instance happened to me a few years ago... but I was the child. My "biological father" as I call him because he was never there for me either. My mother divorced him after I was only a year old because he was viloent and abusive. He too never paid child support which he owed for me and my three sisters... over $100,000 dollars of child support. When my step dad went to court to adopt me my real father came and contested it... only for awhile though because he would not be able to take care of me when he was behind bars. So to speed things up my mother forgave my "biological father" all the child support that he owed for ME and my "biological father" walked away knowing that there was nothing he could do about it... hope I may have given you some insight to the situation because I've lived the same thing

ScottGem · May 27, 2008, 10:10 AM

Originally Posted by redhothood

We just recently hired a private agency to attempt to collect and enforce the order which I think is what started this. He does not want to pay and we were hoping he might do jail time for not paying which would help in securing compliance with signing the papers. So you think he will have to pay in order to see her?

This doesn't make sense. By adopting your daughter his future support obligation ends. Wouldn't you forgive the back support to let the adoption go through? Go back to him and say, if he signs over his rights you will drop the action for back support. If you want to pursue the back support then he can and probably will be able to block the adoption. He might not get visitation, at best it would be supervised. But he can block the adoption.

redhothood · May 27, 2008, 11:24 AM

Originally Posted by ScottGem

This doesn't make sense. By adopting your daughter his future support obligation ends. Wouldn't you forgive the back support to let the adoption go through? Go back to him and say, if he signs over his rights you will drop the action for back support. if you want to pursue the back support then he can and probably will be able to block the adoption. He might not get visitation, at best it would be supervised. But he can block the adoption.

Yes that is actually what we did! He is fighting us for no reason except to be a pain. He is fighting us even though I have offered this option. The child support agency has not been able to collect anything thus far (he has nothing) and may turn this case over to the federal government. This will probably land him in prison for failure to pay. He owes something like $40k and since it is over $10k without payment for more than 6 months it is an automatic 2 years in prison. This would be great except he will for sure not sign the papers then and in Oregon both parents must consent to the adoption for it to go through unless the child is 14 or older. This is a real problem, I was a naïve and led a sheltered life as a young person. I wish I had known. Actually I think we will just go directly to attorney! Thank you all for the support and listening! :)

ScottGem · May 27, 2008, 11:28 AM

Yes you need an attorney. If he is sentenced to jail a judge might decide he is a danger and grant the TPR. Frankly, I don't think that he has a legal leg to stand on. If it comes to a hearing, I believe a judge will rule against him. Getting a TPR is difficult, but your circumstances meet the croiteria for doing so. A good lawyer will know how to present the case in your favor.

redhothood · May 27, 2008, 11:31 AM

Originally Posted by suitntie

Well this same instance happened to me a few years ago...but i was the child. My "biological father" as i call him because he was never there for me either. My mother divorced him after i was only a year old because he was viloent and abusive. He too never paid child support which he owed for me and my three sisters...over $100,000 dollars of child support. When my step dad went to court to adopt me my real father came and contested it...only for awhile though because he would not be able to take care of me when he was behind bars. So to speed things up my mother forgave my "biological father" all the child support that he owed for ME and my "biological father" walked away knowing that there was nothing he could do about it...hope i may have given u some insight to the situation because ive lived the same exact thing

Thank you for this! It actually makes me feel better! The problem is that once again he is going to drain more money from me and make this miserable for all parties involved, when he will walk away without even so much as a slap on the hand. You would think these guys would consider what is best for their kids. Thank you for the info, your Dad sounds like really good guy! I'm glad this worked out for you! Wish us luck!

redhothood · May 27, 2008, 11:33 AM

Originally Posted by ScottGem

Yes you need an attorney. If he is sentenced to jail a judge might decide he is a danger and grant the TPR. Frankly, I don't think that he has a legal leg to stand on. If it comes to a hearing, I beleive a judge will rule against him. Getting a TPR is difficult, but your circumstances meet the croiteria for doing so. a good lawyer will know how to present the case in your favor.

What is a TPR?? Just curious!

Synnen · May 27, 2008, 11:43 AM

Termination of Parental Rights.

redhothood · May 27, 2008, 12:12 PM

Originally Posted by Synnen

Termination of Parental Rights.

AaaHhhh! Thank you!