Check out some similar questions!

cherob2001 · Dec 13, 2004, 06:12 PM

My spouse is in a recovery program and he is doing well. This isn't his first attempt at this, however he is very determined. I'm afraid that when he gets home there might be a lot of stress and something I do or say may trigger him. I'm in recovery right now and it is so much easier for me than it is for him. Will he be resentful because it was so easy for me. What's the best advice anyone can give me.

Josh_A · Apr 14, 2007, 04:06 PM

Originally Posted by cherob2001

My spouse is in a recovery program and he is doing well. This isn't his first attempt at this, however he is very determined. I'm afraid that when he gets home there might be alot of stress and something I do or say may trigger him. I'm in recovery right now and it is so much easier for me than it is for him. Will he be resentful because it was so easy for me. What's the best advice anyone can give me.

I'd suggest looking into Non-Violent Communication, aka Compassionate Communication. It'll teach you how to deal with triggering effectively, how to give him empathy if he does feel resentful, etc.

You can get the basics from the main NVC book by the originator, Marshall Rosenberg, but it can be difficult to get a feel for it without participating or observing some people actually speaking it. There are various practice groups all over, as well as NVC groups on sites like Tribe.net. You may be able to find phone buddies if there's no one in your local area.

If you do get the book, I suggest *writing down* the basic steps on a card to carry with you and *don't skip steps*. There are a minimum of 3 parts, sometimes 4, for any NVC usage, and if you only do one or two of them, you won't get the results you're looking for.

More info is at cnvc:: Center for Nonviolent Communication home page

If you get a chance to do a workshop with Marshall, it's worth going to at least one... but I didn't find multiple classes to be that much more effective.

interinfinity · Jan 11, 2008, 05:31 PM

Recovery is tough. I myself have been in recovery for 13 months now, and it hasn't gotten any easier for me. What helps me the most is support from other people. Since you are in recovery too, just support him and be there for him. Lend an ear when he has problems, and since you are in recovery it will mean a lot to him to hear your support. Don't flaunt the fact that it is so easy for you, just tell him what you do to stay sober. Go to some AA meetings together, and try to occupy your time with things to do, because bordom is the #1 reason people go out and use.