It's so hard to leave him.
Asked Jan 18, 2008, 12:58 PM
Hi everyone, I'm very new to this site. My boyfriend of 1 year is truly an amazing person... when he's not drunk. He is the classic Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Alcoholic that many of you describe here. He has anxiety issues since he grew up with an abusive father and after an explosive, violent situation with his dad about 7 years ago (if you really want to know, I'll tell you privately), the issues have only gotten much much worse. In order to escape his anxiety, he drinks.
When he's sober he's very loving, funny, witty, and smart; I thought he was the "one" and that we were going to be married. That is, until recently when I've finally come to terms with the fact that he has a problem with alcohol.
When he's drunk, he's very rude to me (verbally abusive) and there have been a few times that I really thought he was going to hit me, although he never has. It's to the point now where I pretend everything is OK when he's drunk because I am afraid to upset him or make him angry.
I'm still in the stage of blaming myself ("if only I were a better person, he'd realize how wonderful I am and quit drinking", etc.), although I KNOW I can't help him and it's my (our) best interest if I leave him. Are there any outreach groups besides al-anon that I might try to join? I am not religious and I am not seeking a group that is religious either.
Sorry to be so long-winded... I think I'm making the right decision, but it still feels wrong.