I have been dating someone for about 8 months now and he has a problem with marijuana. I know that he smokes less now that we are serious but it is still a problem and it seems like he wants to smoke it every day. I really have an issue with this and I don't know what to do. Whenever I try to tell him he shouldn't smoke anymore he gets mad at me for nagging but no one else is going to help him because ALL OF HIS FRIENDS and everyone that he is around is just a big pot fest. Please help me. What should I do? Is it really a big deal? Will he ever stop? :confused::eek::eek:

Hello sing:

I don't know. It's not quite so simple.

IF it's a problem for you, then it's a problem. IF he get's caught by the cops, it's a problem. If he deals, it's a problem. If he doesn't go to work, it's a problem. If he vegges out on the couch every day, then it's a problem. If he doesn't pay his bills, it's a problem. If he doesn't take care of his family, then it's a problem.

What I'm saying is that, if it interferes with his life, then it's a problem. But, there are 25 million or so regular pot heads who manage their lives, take care of their children, and get loaded every day.

excon

If you can't abide his habit, then I am sure you can do without him. He's not going to quit if he can keep getting his hands on it. If all his friends do it, that's not likely to happen. So, you have to find yourself someone else who does not smoke dope or live with it and deal with it. There is no simple way to demand that someone quit smoking dope either, so don't even go there with him as you will be just wasting your breath.

If you don't want to deal with the police or deal with the fact his habit costs so much money a week (pot can be expensive, really expensive when you add up a year's worth of dope), then move on down the road.

It won't change if he doesn't think it's a problem too - it will just lead to many many arguments. Either accept it or give him the ultimatum "pot or me" then move on if he has no willingness to make a choice.

Try this site,it might give you some ideas.

Setting Personal Boundaries - protecting self

Best regards,

KBC

Well let me tell you, this is not an easy task...
I dated a guy for three years, and he smoked pot... a lot. In the beging he told me he would stop for me.. and he did for a while, but then I caught him lying about it all the time. We even lived together for a year and it got to the point I had to end it. I will tell you that pot makes one unmotivated and it makes them selfish. I would tell you your best bet id to get out of the relationship now, he won't stop... and if he does.. not for a long time.. I know its hard because you probably love him, but I'm telling you it is not worth it. He is too addicted.. and I don't care what anyone says... you can get addicted to pot... I was in the same situation and you can't try and change someone, they can only change when they want to. Trust me. My ex said I did nothing but nag him... and I was, but only because I cared about him, much like how you care about your boyfriend. Im sorry, but he will never change. And I do think it's a big deal, exspecially if pot isn't somting you want to deal with the rest of your life. Get out of it dear.

If it is a problem for you then you have to make a choice, either stay and accept he chooses to smoke pot, or if you can't accept it, leave. We cannot change anyone else, we can only change ourselves.

I think you should leave.

Any reason why she should leave?

Get out. Others have said it well. Bottom line is your values are different and that isn't going to change.

Well I'd like to give my opinion on this situation but I need to know why you want to quit smoking weed and how it is affecting your relationship because so far it seems like you are just nagging him about smoking without any just cause.

Hi chrissymarie,

This poster hasn't responded in a few weeks and this post was started back in mid November.

I am not sure your going to get any other responses from her.

KBC

Thanks KBC.

Weed doesn't have the same affect on everyone. What may be good for you may be bad for others.

Im sorry, I don't really agree with one of your points. If she wants him to stop, she should ask him to stop. Just because he enjoys it and its easily available DOES NOT mean that he won't stop. I was a very big stoner (smoked everyday) and was able to just give it up on the drop of a hat. I gave it up for three months straight, now I do it anywhere between 3 and 6 times a month. Now, if there is TRUE LOVE within their relationship, then they can most certainly work it out.

Live, Love, Learn- Follow Please

Follow Please,perhaps you missed this part of the OP's statement