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    BOBBY123456's Avatar
    BOBBY123456 Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Oct 23, 2013, 01:10 PM
    Alcoholic adult son
    All answers have their merit, but each siuation is unique. My son ,age 54, is an alcoholic, He spent 2 years in prison for DUI's, and relaesed almost 2 years ago. Against my better judgement, I brought him to live with me since he has been foresaken by everyone else. Not the best choice, but under the circumstances I did what a parent does, and that's care, He's smart, charming, good looking, articulate, and educated, but ends there. When drinking, he is verbally abusive, goes off on binges, but always back to me. After a recent episode I laid down the law. No more liquor in this house, no more being disrespect towards me, and if he ever gets in my face again will have him physically removed out to the street. He's lost his job, through downsizing, lost his girlfriend, no money, Im stuck with a car payment; which I can't afford. At what point do they help themselves, and thought prison had beeen the answer. Alcoholism is a disesae, and have seen it destroy my family over the years. I, for one, only drink sicially, but now feel my life is on hold because of his demons. I have a forthcomin trip for 3 weeks, and shudder to think what may happen while I'm gone. What to do? Help me, somebody. The stress is taking it's toll on me.
    tickle's Avatar
    tickle Posts: 23,801, Reputation: 2674
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    #2

    Oct 23, 2013, 01:23 PM
    Only thing I can suggest, but it is up to him, is AA meetings, and they are the best way to go. Does he appear to want help for his addiction ?
    mydogfifi's Avatar
    mydogfifi Posts: 175, Reputation: 36
    Hair Drug Testing Specialist
     
    #3

    Oct 24, 2013, 01:03 PM
    If he is not willing to get counseling for his alcohol problem you might want to consider getting some counseling for yourself. The counselor might have some good ways to cope with the issue and it might give you some ideas on how to get him into counseling. Also you might suggest getting some type of job even if it isn't in his field. I don't think I would take any excuses for not getting some type of job. Hope this helps.
    CravenMorhead's Avatar
    CravenMorhead Posts: 4,532, Reputation: 1065
    Adult Sexuality Expert
     
    #4

    Oct 25, 2013, 07:40 AM
    At what point, and I don't know what this point is for me, do you say that you can't do this any more? He's an man child and he isn't taking any responsibility for his life and sorting it out. He's parasitic and living off you.

    He either respects the liquor ban, which should include you, get a job, or get out. Tough love, and easy to say from my ivory tower.

    Good luck, I don't envy you.
    tickle's Avatar
    tickle Posts: 23,801, Reputation: 2674
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    #5

    Oct 25, 2013, 08:14 AM
    Tough love is really hard to get around from a mom standpoint, but sometimes a mom has to take the difficult standpoint and take a stand if it helps some one they love get back on the right track.

    I believe in AA. Their programme is par excellence, backed up by a lot of recovering alcoholics who have got their life back together just from the support of other members. I have first hand knowledge of this because my husband is right into every aspect of AA and hasn't had a drop in three months because of it.

    There is a chapter around every corner; and I would suggest Alanon for the OP
    solarshelby's Avatar
    solarshelby Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
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    #6

    Nov 3, 2013, 11:16 PM
    Where do you draw the line when you see your 26 year old alcoholic son, on probation, had to move home, spent 6,000.00 on fines and fees, 11000 miles on my car in 1 year to work and go to the unbelievable programs they make them do and pay for, the court dates, counseling and on and on and still drinking and driving, he has no vehicle of his own due to selling his for little of nothing to pay some of his fines, got his license back 1 and 1/2 months ago after 14 months and is again drinking and driving, he found a place to live besides here that he could afford, so I loaned him my car, we have saved between us 700.00 toward a car for him, he has assets to sell but unless I actually sell them for him he makes no effort, so I put a timeline on him getting the money to buy his own car within the next 2 weeks, I am tired, and however selfish it may sound do not want him to consume my life anymore. Getting him help would be another chore because he isn't going to seek it, he knows he has a disease and won't get help, I would have to physically take him daily to meetings or he wouldn't go. I see him heading straight for a brick wall and cannot stop it, I am not helpless, but for lack of a better term, feel he is hopeless. He will manipulate anyone who will let him, the problem is I am the only one letting him, why do I feel like I am the one with the problem, why do I feel guilty for his actions, why do I feel sick at night when I try to sleep, I don't know what to do. Just this weekend he couldn't save any money toward his vehicle because he got a short check and for what ever other reasons he was broke, but he lost his phone at a bar, I was calling him to tell him to pick me up in the morning that I needed my car tomorrow and the bar answered and he had left his phone there in the middle of a Sunday, had left my house 3 hours earlier after telling me he couldn't save any money this week. I could go on and on and on but I am sure you have all heard it also, when do I get to stop feeling guilty and sleep at night. Call me selfish, I love him as much as every mother lovers their children and have given to him hand over fist to keep him a float because he is as all addicts, smart, articulate, loving, caring, but I am not a doctor so how do you get help for a broke alcoholic I guess would be my question who has to have a job and an income. So many questions... the only problem is the answers are in him not me, so how do you help when helping only prolongs the inevitable?

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