[Anna1966]

I am a mother of 3 boys, and two are 18 and 20, one is 10 from another man. I recently found out my older ones have talked to my 10year olds father and informed him about my attempt on my life 3 months ago. I am getting help and moving forward, but my ex screams at me about it and what a loser I am for it and tells everyone that I am screwed up and a drama queen. I know I should ignore his rantings, but I also got angry and told my sons I did not want to speak with them anymore, since they hurt me so bad by telling my ex. My ex informed my 10 year old who did not know and I finally have figured out why he is attached to my hip all the time. He is scared. I am having a really hard time getting through all this, forgiving my sons, trying to save my 10 year old from the harsh things his dad says about me, and generally just feeling hope. It hurts to get up each day and try to deal with all this mess. Thanks

Ann

[JohnSnownw]

You are in counseling, right? If you aren't, you really should start. As for being angry at your kids, did they not inform your ex out of concern?

It would appear that it was a mistake for your sons to put their trust in your ex. I find it hard to believe they did it out of spite though. You cannot keep your ex from attacking your character and attempting to influence your son's opinion of you, but you can show him that you are responsible and caring mother. If your actions do not fall in line with what your ex is telling your son, I'm sure he will form his own opinion.

As I said earlier, if you are not currently in counseling, seek some. Good luck to you.

[bushg]

If your ex is screaming at you and being abusive. Get a court order for him to stay away from you. You are healing and do not need that kind of stress. As for your 10 year old maybe you need to attend counseling with him, I am sure he is very scared now. As far as your older kids unless you know for a fact that they were being vindictive, do not shut them out. Ask them to keep your affairs private. That doesn't mean for them to be quite if they see you sprialing out of control. I wish you peace in your life, I am sure you must have been suffering great turmoil if you tried to take your own life. Please continue to seek help, life can be hard, but there are many things worth living for.

[JAMIET]

Please do seek counseling for you and the kids. I'm sure the older ones were pretty scared and wanted help for the younger brother. My sister had the same issue after a divorce and she was mad when a family member mentioned her issues to her ex. It's not done to spite you, but out of concern for your well being and the children. Don't shut your older sons out of your life. Lift yourself up and don't let anyone beat you down! I'll pray for you dear... stay strong!

[trujew]

I am a mother of 3 boys, and two are 18 and 20, one is 10 from another man. I recently found out my older ones have talked to my 10year olds father and informed him about my attempt on my life 3 months ago. I am getting help and moving forward, but my ex screams at me about it and what a loser I am for it and tells everyone that i am screwed up and a drama queen. I know i should ignore his rantings, but I also got angry and told my sons I did not want to speak with them anymore, since they hurt me so bad by telling my ex. My ex informed my 10 year old who did not know and i finally have figured out why he is attached to my hip all the time. He is scared. I am having a really hard time getting thru all this, forgiving my sons, trying to save my 10 year old from the harsh things his dad says about me, and generally just feeling hope. It hurts to get up each day and try to deal with all this mess. thanks

Ann

Not knowing the whole big picture here, one thing I can say is that I've been in your shoes a few times (attempting to take my life, that is). Just stop and put yourself in your kids shoes for a minute. Maybe it wasn't out of vindictiveness or anything as to why they told your ex? Maybe they are/or were legitimately scared of losing you? We always tend to be come up with a negative before a positive. Whatever relationship you have with them maybe they needed to vent to someone. Without knowing all the information its hard to make a call as to why they told him. But either way they did what they did. Let that go because that's the least of the problems here. Trust me, what's important is getting yourself on level ground or at a place of feeling better for yourself. Don't stop contact with them unless you feel they are a danger or threat to you. Breaking the family up more is even worse. Face the fears and be strong the way I am sure you are. You have to believe that you are strong... try to start looking at the things you do have instead of what you don't have or what doesn't work for you. You have all the control right there and its scary but its up to you to take on your life. Be responsible and sit and talk calmly with your boys, if that's an option. Sounds like the ex isn't healthy for you... that explains why he is the ex, naturally. Talk to your boys and say that whatever happens from here on in, before they go discussing with anyone else, talk with you first.

Listen, I am no doctor and won't judge but I have to tell you from my point of view, I grew up with a majorly depressed mother and I hated almost every minute of my life with her. She cried constantly and did nothing to help herself and improve her outlook in life and I became angry and bitter towards her. She died at the age of 49 to cancer. I felt abandoned, alone and here I am now older and finally letting go of making my mom wrong. But its taken years to let go of that anger and pain. I feel she caused her own disease. But the reason I am saying this to you is to not make you wrong for anything... I do believe you are strong and probably doing the best you can with things in life. But you must not sell out on life even when you are that down and out. I know you love your life and your kids. Things always manage to work out somehow. Keep your unity of family strong and keep others out and ignore what they say.

Lastly, don't be embarrassed for what attempts you made. You are human and things happen sometimes where we feel hopeless. So what! I was judged for years for what I tried to do (twice)! I don't care what people say now or may have said before, I am doing the best I can for me and my family. Your youngest son needs his mom. Do what you can to reconfirm your love and presence to him. Tell the older boys that they have to be very careful with what gets conveyed back to the youngest.

Again, dropping communication with the boys in my idea is not helping anyone. Look how it will effect your youngest? He will grow up feeling abandoned and alone just as I did. Trust me, I am a product of that... every day I battle to believe that I am not alone in the world and that I am worth having a good life.

You are strong... you are woman! You will be OK.