We have been together 3yrs and have a 20month son. The sex has dried up after I gave birth and was painful for about 3months post birth but hasn't gone back to a regular thing. He doesn't like me drinking alcohol which I have been doing more regularly as I'm stuck in this rut wherever he actually still has feelings for me and its getting depressing. I work and he looks after baby at home, he cooks, clean and makes me dinner most days when I get home. He attentive that way but doesn't show any desire to want me physically. Please Help!

Well how often do you drink and how much, if you getting drunk more than three days a week, I'll its becoz of that or if not you'll have give be clearer "by the way did you said your BF didn't like you drinking and now you drinking more" IF That's THE CASE STOP DRINKING AND SEE IFS YOU NOTICE ANY DIFFERENCE.and it can be good for you child as well.

***I'll say its becoz that or if not you'll hv to be clearer*** Sorry for my mistake

First the drinking, you don't have to be drinking to the point of being drunk or blacking out to have a problem with alcohol. Using alcohol as a crutch to handle issues in your life is a warning sign that you have a developing problem. There are more constructive/proactive ways to handle frustration and stress.

Have you talked to your husband about what you see as issues in the marriage? I don't mean confront or argue, but actually sitting down and communicating with each other. If you haven't, you need to find a time when the baby is asleep or with a sitter so that there are as few interruptions as possible and talk. Find out what he sees as issues and find compromises where possible.

Keep in mind that a reason he might not be as attentive is due to being stressed and exhausted after a day of taking care of a twenty month old child and the house. I am sure you are aware of how demanding the job is and it doesn't stop even when you go to sleep. He may not be making you feel 'sexy' and attractive because he isn't feeling 'sexy' and 'attractive'. Does he get any time to wind down at the end of the day? He may be distracted from thinking about sex because he is thinking about what needs to be done tomorrow and what will the child get into next.

Does he get any time on his own? Is he mentally and emotionally okay with being a stay-at-home father? The mixed media messages for mothers are hard on women, but for men who chose to take on the majority of the parenting duties by staying home it can be even worse. Having an identity crisis could also be part of the problem.

Do you show him little signs of affection that are not designed to lead into sex? Has it gotten to where he may think that by showing you affection or responding when you do he is encouraging you to want sex that he isn't wanting? Is he turned off by your drinking?

If you find it difficult to talk to each other and sort out the issues, you might consider counseling. Not only do you have a neutral party guiding the talks and showing better ways to communicate, but there are a lot less distractions than you might have at home.

You might see if asking your husband to help you get the alcohol out of the house is a good place to start. If you throw away the crutch, you might find a better way to get out of the rut than ending up in the ditch.

Thank you Cat1864, its always good to have outside advise and yours is the advice I much needed. I'm very thankful you have taken your time to help me. :)

You're welcome. I hope you both can work together to sort through the issues.

Remember that we are still here if you need to work through your thoughts and get outside advice.

Or you can try new tricks like may be a threesome with another man, this could turn him on and reset his sex drive by hv an amazing sex with you