I am a retired 62 yr. old single mother. My 27 yr. old daughter constantly yells at me, swears at me and for the first time has hit me twice in an angry rage. While a few female friends and I were on a recent vacation she took it upon herself to change the locks on the house so that a man that I have been seeing for a year doesn't come into the house as she doesn't like him ( he lives over an hour away). She also has taken the mail box key, refuses to give it to me and wants to scrutinize what's coming in the mail. She comes and goes as she pleases, refuses to contribute any money to help me pay the bills ( has said that my male companion should pay rent when he is here), comes and goes as she pleases with her boyfriend ( who sleeps over with her), has never offered to help me take care of the home ( exterior and interior cleaning, garbage removal, snow removel, etc.). She and her boyfriend watch my t.v. from 11 p.m. to who knows when and sleeps till noon and expects me to be quiet till then, even thou I get up at 7 a.m. She has two part time jobs, keeps all her earnings for herself and not once has offered to help me in any way shape or form and I am a senior citizen on a fixed income and a very tight financial budget. I love my daughter and a few of my closest female friends have told me to toss her out of the house, change the locks on both the house and the mailbox too. They said she is a 27 yr. old mature adult who has crossed the line of tolerance and needs to learn a very hard life lesson on respect, let alone the emotional, verbal and now physical abuse. I need help, as I am afraid that I will lose her if I ask her to leave, and she has already told me that she will never talk to me again if I force her to leave. Frightened, scared, sad and heart broken.

A heartbroken Mom

To be honest your friends are right,you don't deserve this,and what are you losing?

You have been assaulted! I would have called the police,daughter or no daughter,this grown up adult women needs to get a serious grip on reality,she's bullying you,plain and simple.

If its your house,time to take back control,when she has to stand on your own two feet,she may see things differantly.

Get support around you,change those locks,have someone stay with you for a while (for support) and cut those apron strings.

Had to spread the rep Red, but I totally agree.

Fleur,

I understand your confusion, and your worry that your daughter may come good on her threats never to contact you again if you throw her out.

But the truth is, you are holding her back for all the wrong reasons.

If, at her age, with two part time jobs, she cannot fend for herself, but would rather use and abuse you, you must take a stand, for her own good.

She will not grow and mature if you allow this free for all to continue in your own home. She will not understand responsibility, nor be able to learn how to take care of herself, if you allow her to continue to live in your home. She will never know the satisfaction of self discipline, compassion, or respect for herself, if she does not get on with living her own life, outside of your home.

Regardless of the abuse (and I'm not dismissing that by any means), you are doing a disservice to her, at her age, 27, in not allowing her to grow up.

Isn't that what parenting is all about? You teach them and nurture them, then they grow up, prepared for life, and leave the nest. Free to make their own decisions and learn from their mistakes.

You really are holding her back.

The abuse in part, is likely due to her own life being unsettled, so she controls what she can in yours with changing the locks and preventing your boyfriend from coming over. She has decided it is easier to rule your roost, than it is to rule her own. She benefits all the way around, but sees that she must control everything, in order to maintain this easier lifestyle.

Please have her leave. And please be prepared for the worst when she does. Have someone with you- your boyfriend, or a few girlfriends. Pack up her things, and have a locksmith nearby to change the locks the moment she leaves. She can go to her boyfriends house. (by the way, what kind of man would stay over at your house, knowing you don't approve).

This life you have is short. Now that you have retired, you deserve, and should have peace in your own home. Let your daughter have her drama somewhere else.

She will eventually come around. Don't fall for her threats of never hearing from her again. If she stays away and doesn't call for several weeks or months- ENJOY it!!

I am so sorry to say I find myself in a similar situation, I finally asked my 27 year old son to leave my home last week, & have cried ever since, I know it's for the best as he is frustrated at not getting the jobs he wanted after university but he used his violence once too much towards me & after empty threats I came to my senses & realised I can't go on living this way , no support within the home no money contributions. I feel I have a lovely home but I know he doesn't think it's good enough for him so let him go & get better! It is so hard as for some reason I feel guilty, I worked hard brought 2 children up on my own & I also suffer from rheumatoid arthritis.I only hope he will realise what he missed & perhaps your daughter will feel the same when she spends sometime away.
Take care

Get that child out of YOUR house! Abuse from even a child, should never be tolerated.

I wish I have a family or a mother or a father to love and be there for me ,and If they will need I'll be there for them ,and some people don't know or appreciate the boon that they have .
I wish I have you as my mother :(

Nora, this thread is 2 years old.