My boyfriend an I are together for 2 and a half years and some months ago someone made false accusations about me cheating on him because they wanted to break us up. He said he trusted me and he believes I didn't cheat on him but it has obviously affected him and our relationship. He keeps bringing it up and says he has doubts and he has begun treating me badly, like not buying me a present for my birthday because he "didn't have time", not taking me out to dinner anymore, brushing me off when I call him on the phone, hanging out with his friends on weekends and not bothering to come over, not bothering to do anything special for valentines day... the list goes on. Sometimes when I call him he even sounds annoyed.:(

He says he loves me, and that he cares about me... and I care about him more than anything in the world... I just want him to love and respect me the same as I do him. I am a very dedicated and loyal girlfriend, and take relationships very seriously... I want to know why he has begun acting this way and why he no longer wants to spend time with me, telling me that he wants his space to hang with his friends and to go clubbing with them. I am extremely hurt beyond belief and I am having difficulty in dealing with this because I love him so much.

He tried to take a break before but I begged him not to because I thought I would lose him. Now he says he only stayed with me because I wanted the relationship. Now he only comes over to see me if he wants sex. Then he just leaves right after, he no longer takes me to a nice dinner, no longer stays to talk etc...

I told him to take all the time he wants to think... and to decide what he wants... but my heart is broken in a million pieces... What is really the issue.. WHy does he want space?
What should I do? I feel like I'm lost without him... :(

He's continuing these actions because he knows that no matter how much of a nobody he treats you like, you will be sure to stick around.

So... why should he change? You're always going to stick around in his mind, no matter how much of a tool he'll be.

You definitely need to work on your confidence. Now's the perfect time to use your resources: friends and family. If there's any time a friend or family member should come in handy, it would be now. Go out and have fun too! Also, please take care of your health (I can't stress that enough). It'll make you not only feel at least fifty percent better, but will make you look all that much better as well.

You can't control what that dirt bag is doing, but you can definitely control what you do. Focus on what you can control in your own life, and prove that it would be an honor FOR HIM to be around you... a good spirited, fun, smart and successful woman. And if he doesn't see any of that... thank goodness; the weed has shown itself out of the garden!

SHould I give him his space or should I kick him to the curb?

Don't be too kind to him, because it will get him annoyed, as you mentioned above. But, in the process of you gaining confidence and becoming super woman, don't be mean to him either. You know why? Being mean or rude to him will let him know that you care so desperately-damn-much to be so!

You've got to be indifferent. No one understands indifference. It's confusing… and thus very scary when it comes from someone you're supposed to know.

Give him time because you clearly need time yourself. You need to make sure that you are okay with a man, but then equally okay without one. Maybe this situation came about to show you that you need to work on yourself and take better care of yourself. I mean, why would any man want to be with a weak woman who falls into pieces over his neglect? Is your life in his hands? If it is, then he's king and you are pudding.

You're not living in "his" world. Surprise: you've got your own beautiful life.

When someone treats you badly, you get them out of your life, and figure out why you allow this treatment. Ain't that much love in the world that allows you to be disrespected. Love yourself more than that. You do feel you deserve to be treated well, don't you?

Threads merged


So my boyfriend asked for a break on Sunday. He said that I was not letting him spend time with his friends and that he's fed up with me acting all jealous when he goes out with his boys. He had begun treating me badly a while now, so that I would ask for the break myself, but I ignored all the bad treatment because I love him. He got fed up waiting and asked for the break eventually.

He was surprised that I agreed, and I used this opportnity to tell him how much he hurt me over the past couple of months and he said that he's sorry for shouting at me, not getting me a birthday present, not taking me out for valentines' day, ignoring my calls. I said that I forgave him and that he should use his break to think about if he really wants this relationship.

Tuesday he called and said that he wants me back, but I'm not prepared to go through all that hurt again. I love him so much and this pain is unbearable. He told me that he's sorry and that he wants us to start over... (but he still wants time to go out with his friends.) He keeps asking me if I still love him and he tells me I sound like I don't care about him anymore. He's going clubbing tonight, which is really eating me up because there will be a lot of nice girls there.

What should I do? I just want the pain to go away.

Well I'm all for letting a mate have their own time with their own friends.

And if you can't trust him with other girls, then you have trust issues... whether its from you or from things he is done. He is going to see women that he's attracted to the rest of his life. Locking him away isn't a foundation for a relationship any more than telling you that you can't go out and dance is healthy either. If I got fed up every time my partner was bought a drink by a boy, propositioned and hit on by a guy, id be a wreck.

She's with me. She comes home to me. I trust that. If you can't do that for him, then that's a problem. That's perhaps the problem that he was talking about.

Unless the reason for the break is fixed, it won't work the second time through. Sounds like you are jealous and maybe controlling and he's upset about being under your thumb and he's acting out like a child instead of talking it out.

So... don't take him back if you are going to get pi$$ed with him going out. Period. And don't put up with any noise from his side when he's acting out instead of dealing with issues head on.

Threads merged again


Hey guys, I finally broke up with the cheating ex boyfriend. Even though he denied being with the girl, weeks after we broke up, he's in a relationship with the same girl now. I have a new boyfriend, but the ex still calls and wants to be able to hang out with me and hopes we can be friends after all of this drama. However, when we do meet, he acts as if we're still together and tries to do the things we used to (holding hands, kissing etc.. ) I still have feelings for him and it's hard to stay away from him, but I know I should. He doesn't care about anyone but himself, because he apparently doesn't care about her either, because he calls me and tells me he loves me and whatnot. I need to get over this guy completely..
What to do?!

Go to No contact and stick to it.

As long as you keep letting him into your life you send mixed messages. Obviously he thinks he still has the rights of a boyfriend, and when he calls to see you, you go.

No Contact. Tell him you're done, that you have to move on and that means that you have to leave him where he belongs, in the past.

After that you don't answer his calls, emails, text messages, nothing.

It's hard, but necessary if you want to get on with your life.

Good luck.

Stop answering the phone. Someone one here gave this advice (I can't remember who) in your cell phone change his name to cheater so that every time he calls you remember why he is your ex.

Wow, there are so many things wrong with this picture.

1) Why are you breaking the no contact rules? Unless you are over him, you should not be answering his calls. You want too much. You want to break the rules and have a new boyfriend at the same time?

2) You're telling us that you still have feelings for him? How can you start a new relationship then? How would your boyfriend feel if he knew about this. Don't you think he's being treated unfairly? You're emotionally cheating on him.

3) He still wants to hold hands and kiss? I hope you refused. That's physical cheating on your boyfriend. Not to mention that he's cheating on his girlfriend.

Why don't you sort out your emotions first before leading both guys on.

Yea, but I feel if I let him go completely, the other girl has won.

Won what? Won a cheater? Wow that's a really great prize! I'm sure everyone wants that.

How can you have such low self-esteem? Have more self-respect than that. You deserve better.

And stop cheating yourself. Cause your current boyfriend hasn't won a very good prize either.

Good point

Won what? Won a cheater?

Let her "win", or do you want to continue losing and go back to this guy?

It's either over, done, you move on, he lives his life, you live yours. Or, you forgive, forget, take him back, continue to have a crappy relationship until he finally screws around with you so much that you never want to see him again.

You can either get over him now, cut him out of your life and not give him a second thought, or, you can continue doing what you're doing, end up taking him back and then waste another few years of your life learning the hard way that he'll never change.

The choice is yours.

Thanks for the advice guys... I'll stick with the no contact