[Nestorian]

After much consideration, I realize excon's wonderfully frank and simple logic has had some impact. I said I am sexually frustrated. If that is true, then maybe I am not addicted to the porn itself. I need to prove that to myself by giving it up. This is what I've decided:

Porn is BAD because it is has absolutely no positive influence (apart from exploring your own sexuality maybe).
It has only a negative and destructive influence on yourself, your relationships, and ultimately your emotional well being too.
It will never make you happy. It only serves to satisfy lust and is a tempory fix at best.
I am not disgusted by it, I can't get enough of it. Which is one of the reasons to give it up.
I want to give it up for selfish reasons, it has nothing to do with religion or sinful behavior.
I'm not trying to stop masturbating as that's probably impossible anyway and there is no reason to stop.


That's what I've come up with for now. Please comment on it or give me some more things I can add to the list.

Interesting that you see all this, good on you mate! I say. Here is a little more for you. Sorry that it starts so early on in the thread. I hope it helps you understand what is going on in your body as well as your head. Good luck.

Blake Cory - “The doctor but he can’t help you with the addiction…” I have to disagree with this, a Psychologist or psychiatrist may be just what you need, some one to help you find a way to back up, pick up the pieces one at a time and examine your triggers and how to control the responses you give to them. Like in Behaviourism, when they do shaping. Pretty much you replace unwanted behaviour with desired behaviours by giving the “shapee” (person you are trying to shape.) a reward for behaving in the desired manner. No reward for the “shapee” behaving in an undesired manner. This is just a small part of it, it’s a little more complex but that’s the basic idea.

“I’ve watched porn become girlfriends, affairs, strippers, hookers, molestation and rape. I don’t think that the porn is the problem. Addiction to porn is just a symptom of the brokenness we hide inside.”

As for this statement, I’d have to agree and disagree with the idea that the porn isn’t the problem. When a person is addicted to porn they feel the need to watch it while seeking to pleasure themselves. The Neurotransmitter dopamine is released into our brains and cause us to feel that pleasure, so why do you feel the need to watch porn, because you masturbated so often when watching porn it seems to be a necessary part of the pleasure. The pleasure of masturbation rewards the behaviour of watching the porn, but after a time the regular porn becomes less and less interesting, so you may seek out newer wilder porn, like molestation and rape, etc. (some do, others don’t.) The perversion can be caused by as BlakeCory says, a wound, being anything from lack of attention from a parent, to being raped as a child, or some other perversion.

K, I’m totally running out of time here, sorry, I’ll come back later and finish this, but my suggestion to the OP is to read a book called “the brain that changes its’ self” Chapter 4 “acquiring tastes and love” It will go into far deeper detail about why your mind works the way it does and how it affects the way you behave and if you keep reading, since it uses a story similar to that of your own, it may give you insight as to how to over come this issue, and get to the heart of the problem. THERE IS NO QUICK FIX, and if some one says there is, yes it may be a quick fix but a quick fix means a quick relapse. Try talking to a theorist, psychologist, psychiatrist, etc. They can’t fix the problem for you, but hopefully you’ll co-operate with them and they can help by pointing out what you can’t see. I’ll add more later. Peace.

[Nestorian]

Something to lighten the mood just a bit, go on YouTube and take a look at some of these dudes' vids, funny. "Hiphopopotamus vs. Rhymenoceros" and "jenny" and "the humans are dead" Pretty funny stuff.

Any way I'll add some more to the previous post...

[Ash123]

Have you dated?

If so... When did you date last?

What was the girl like? The girl like before her? How did it end? How long ago?

How old are you?

Do you still prefer porn when dating?

(Forgive me if any of these questions have been answered. It is late and I have not double-checked all 5 pages - but do want to help.)

[Nestorian]

Ok, so back to this book, "the brain that changes it's self" The main idea in this book is that the brain can alter or adapt to further its ability to learn or simply function with its body and surroundings. The author calls this ability to change, Plastic.

Plastic change is when the brain has to let a normal area where we would see a specific function, alter so that it takes over for another function. For example, the place normally used to interpret sight, could be changed to interpret sound. This means that if you were to Loose your eye sight, then another sense can take over that spot in our brains and reorganise it so that it would enhance or alter our other sense, like hearing. Though it does say something about the brain maps, a system of neurotransmitters / synapse in a specific part of the brain, usually have to be quit close. Or something along those lines.

Because of this, ability “plastic Change” , there are things about humans that are not Hardwired into us, such as libido. So if we really wanted to change our, unhealthy or undesirable sexual habits we could. All we have to do is change our brain map for that specific area, no not with a surgery, but with the power of our own thoughts. This is of course easier said then done. The best way to go about this change is to first find a Dr/ psychologist/Psychiatrist or Therapist with a better idea of what is going on with you, as an individual. My advice is talk to one or the other till you get a better idea of what is going on up there, in your head, then see about any meds. I know they are not the answer to everything, but the fact remains that your brain maybe creating irregular levels of chemicals that are some what brain washing you, or creating your feelings of need/addiction/pleasure. “Dopamine/ Endorphins.” After that, maybe try working on different techniques that help you change your habits, realize your triggers, take your mind off the feelings of addiction, and healthy alternatives. When you do get a professional to help you, try to be patient, and work with them. A lot of this is just trial and error, that's how these things work. You may have to keep trying different meds, or none at all, or you may have to keep trying different techniques until you find what works for you.

At any rate I hope this helps, I'd once again go into much deeper detail but I've got to go. Good luck.

And all this is just a suggestion, so if you think I'm wrong, then fair enough, just take care mate. And check out those Flight of the conchords guys, pretty funny guys. Haha, Peace.

[anono]

Go to a brothel or pick up a hooker

[DMA]

you sacrifice your genuine sexuality as it is destroyed by porn addiction

Can you explain this? I don't see how that is the case.


Since my post on the 1st of sept I have not looked at any porn. I think I sorted something out in my head from that post on. Although it will have to be more than a few days before I can say I've given it up for good, I'm doing OK without it for now.

The Neurotransmitter dopamine is released into our brains and cause us to feel that pleasure, so why do you feel the need to watch porn, because you masturbated so often when watching porn it seems to be a necessary part of the pleasure.

Yeah I'm really noticing now more than ever. I've not really got any withdrawal symptoms, but really starting to miss that "high" already. Orgasms are about 1/2 as intense, and really can't get fully aroused without that visual stimulation :(

[DMA]

Have you dated?

If so...When did you date last?

What was the girl like? The girl like before her? How did it end? How long ago?

How old are you?

Do you still prefer porn when dating?

(Forgive me if any of these questions have been answered. It is late and I have not double-checked all 5 pages - but do want to help.)

Lets just say my love life has been less than I would have liked. I'm 21, I've not had sex yet. I've not had a serious relationship with a female before.

I think girls from my country are some of the biggest slags in the world. So I don't find a lot of them very attractive. But some I do, and they are usually not interested, or have a boyfriend, or (when I was younger) I would have been too shy to talk to them at all. But I shouldn't be making excuses.

[Ash123]

You said: "Lets just say my love life has been less than I would have liked. I'm 21, I've not had sex yet. I've not had a serious relationship with a female before.

I think girls from my country are some of the biggest slags in the world. So I don't find a lot of them very attractive. But some I do, and they are usually not interested, or have a boyfriend, or (when I was younger) I would have been too shy to talk to them at all. But I shouldn't be making excuses."


---------------------

Here's my assessment:

You are a bit socially awkward and you happen to be born in an era when you can get some level of interactive sexual satisfaction without risking your ego and confidence.

I hesitate to bestow the word addiction to this. By that, I mean you are addicted to porn as a substitute but maybe you could still live without it?
(That's a true addiction. Only you know which it is.)

But the main issue at hand: how do you overcome this and try to get a date or two?

1. Get some girls as friends. You don't have to have sex with them.
2. When you find yourself horny, skip the porn yet still go with just manual stimulation as needed.
3. No porn for 60 days. (SORRY)
4. When you want porn, take that as a signal to do something social. (join a club, go on a hike, do a group activity you can TALK to girls at, work activities, trips)
5. There is nothing wrong per se with porn, but when it substitutes for human relationships, it is doing you NO good.
6. Challenge yourself to do one social thing a week where a woman is present.
7. If you do not like the girls you meet, and you want a smarter girl, you need to meet some grad students? How? Are you in a college town? Many schools also have continuing ed and activities that are university oriented.
8. consider counseling for a couple months if you just feel like you are getting nowhere.
9. Learn to like yourself. And others.What are you best at? That may be the ticket for finding a passionate lifestyle option -and peer group.
And finally,
10. You don't need to be perfect. You just need to be nice. As much as people say nice guys finish last, it's the socially awkward guys that struggle more... they think they are being nice, but what they really are bing is judgemental and insecure. Fight that. Be vulnerable. Do what you love-and good things will happen!

[Heat89]

An addiction to pornography (if it truly is an addiction) almost guarantees a dissatisfactory sex life. DMA is well aware of the emotional impact it is having on his life and is having difficulty breaking the destructive habit through willpower alone

[Heat89]

Thoroughly disagrees.

[Heat89]

Agreed; excellent points.

[Heat89]

Excellent answer; a full life approach to create balance that will naturally eliminate these problems.