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    DMA's Avatar
    DMA Posts: 114, Reputation: 8
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    #1

    Aug 26, 2008, 12:37 PM
    Porn addiction? Need reasons to stop.
    I am going round in circles.

    I found out I must be addicted to porn after I tried to give it up but found it really difficult. I regret spending so much time on it, so I decide not to look at it anymore. But doesn't take me long to persuade myself there's nothing wrong with it and start again because I know I really want to see it. Then I go back to regretting it again. I say I don't want to see it anymore, but then in the same day I really need it and I seek it out. Then I regret it and so on.

    It's just like a drug addiction (I imagine) with the way it's used to make you feel amazing and you want more and more. Longest I went without it was for a couple of weeks, trying to replace it with my imagination. But it's just not the same and in the end the imagination wasn't enough of a stimulation. I look at it every day, maybe twice a day. Can masturbate usually no more than 3 times a day but sometimes multiple orgasms it's like it's never enough! Obviously, I am massively sexually frustrated. Don't know how else to vent this frustration. I can't vent it by putting the energy into other things because it never goes away, it just builds up. Can't block it, I'll get round the block. Or maybe I should just stop trying to give it up?
    Synnen's Avatar
    Synnen Posts: 7,927, Reputation: 2443
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    #2

    Aug 26, 2008, 01:15 PM
    You need to speak with your doctor about this.
    Xrayman's Avatar
    Xrayman Posts: 1,177, Reputation: 193
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    #3

    Aug 26, 2008, 04:04 PM
    Take up running.. it will be a kind of detox. The use of a healthy replacement sometimes helps. Trying to remove porn from an addict is like trying to remove drugs from a drug addict or alcohol from an alcoholic-it can't work that way.
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    kp2171 Posts: 5,318, Reputation: 1612
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    #4

    Aug 26, 2008, 04:50 PM
    How old are you? Are you in a relationship?
    DMA's Avatar
    DMA Posts: 114, Reputation: 8
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    #5

    Aug 27, 2008, 03:58 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by Xrayman
    take up running.. it will be a kind of detox. The use of a healthy replacement sometimes helps. trying to remove porn from an addict is like trying to remove drugs from a drug addict or alcohol from an alcoholic-it can't work that way.
    I went for a cycle yesterday. I rode nearly 10 miles and I was really tired from it because there were several large hills to get up and I'm not used to that sort of exercise. Despite couldn't get to sleep until about 2am and only after I took care of myself. And despite masturbating twice already that day.


    Quote Originally Posted by kp2171
    how old are you? are you in a relationship?
    I'm 21 and I'm not in a relationship. Quite frankly I feel like I have enough sexual stamina for 2 girlfriends at the moment.
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    joanne 1986 Posts: 165, Reputation: 7
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    #6

    Aug 27, 2008, 04:16 AM
    Maybe that's what your problem is! You need a girlfriend,I don't see any harm in whatching porn once in a while but sounds to me as if you have an obsession! Do you think maybe if you got a girlfriend you would back off a bit?
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    Xrayman Posts: 1,177, Reputation: 193
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    #7

    Aug 27, 2008, 03:49 PM
    I went for a cycle yesterday. I rode nearly 10 miles and I was really tired from it because there were several large hills to get up and I'm not used to that sort of exercise. Despite couldn't get to sleep until about 2am and only after I took care of myself. And despite masturbating twice already that day.
    Fine-did you use porn? Isn't that the issue here?

    If you just masturbated, then there is no real problem-if you can stop porn each day, then it is like a step-bystep remedy.
    DMA's Avatar
    DMA Posts: 114, Reputation: 8
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    #8

    Aug 27, 2008, 05:31 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by joanne 1986
    maybe thats what your problem is! you need a girlfriend,i dont see any harm in whatching porn once in a while but sounds to me as if you have an obsession! do you think maybe if you got a girlfriend you would back off a bit??
    Yes I really need a girlfriend don't I? I'm sure I would back off the porn more than just a bit too. Would the best answer be to get a girlfriend and screw her brains out? Not that I would want to be using her for sex only of course.


    Quote Originally Posted by Xrayman
    fine-did you use porn? isn't that the issue here?
    No I didn't on that occasion. I'm not sure if that's the issue. I mean if its OK to masturbate then it makes sense that it's OK to look at porn as stimulation to help out. Because if I'm sexually frustrated then things are possibly made even more frustrating without porn to help out.
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    BlakeCory Posts: 236, Reputation: 21
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    #9

    Aug 27, 2008, 06:00 PM
    DMA,

    You're not alone.
    As open as we are in today's society about sex this subject of sexual addiction is still being swept under the rug. The doctor but he can't help you with the addiction but he could help you with the sleep. Every addict has a hidden wound inside that has never healed. The pain leads to quick fixes that never help. It doesn't matter if it is porn or hard drugs; addicts are looking for a distraction from the real world.

    I have spent the last ten years working with addiction in one form or another. I know first hand the damage that can be done when it is downplayed. I've heard the excuses and listened to the lies. I have seen good men go to jail because they never dealt with the issue. Men that loved their wives and families, that never drank or did drugs but couldn't kick the porn and then it became other things.

    I've watched porn become girlfriends, affairs, strippers, hookers, molestation and rape. I don't think that the porn is the problem. Addiction to porn is just a symptom of the brokenness we hide inside.

    Some guys spend years “soul searching” never knowing what compelled them. Sometimes it is a father that wasn't there physically or emotionally. Sometimes it is an idea or a comment that stuck with us subconsciously and became part of our identity.

    If you want to stop and can't it is a real problem. Each day the addiction feeds off your strength, making you weaker. Go to a group, or someone you trust and be honest. Let them hold you accountable. The biggest struggle will be going to sleep without a hit off your addiction. The doctor can help you with that. Having a counselor to talk to can help you sort through your feelings and remind you that you're not alone.

    -BC
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    DrLang Posts: 98, Reputation: 10
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    #10

    Aug 27, 2008, 06:57 PM
    Why do you feel guilty? Many young men your age have healthy hobbies and social lives and still have a sizable porn collection and masturbate daily or almost daily. I think you should consider whether looking at porn is actually damaging the quality of your life. If your addiction goes so far as to cause you to miss appointments, neglect your health or social relationships, or negatively impact your outlook on life, then you might want to consider seeking out professional therapy.
    BetrayalBtCamp's Avatar
    BetrayalBtCamp Posts: 307, Reputation: 63
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    #11

    Aug 27, 2008, 07:34 PM
    Many young men are in prison, that doesn't mean you need to follow their example.

    Get into a support group to get you out of the obsession with porn before it gets even worse (which it easily can), go to a dr to see if some meds might help & work on getting yourself healthy from the grip porn has already established with you.

    If you keep this porn habit up, all you will be doing is making it even harder to have a healthy relationship with a girlfriend & not just because she may not want to be watching porn with you daily. It's not giving you a good pattern for your own sexuality & can wreck having a good relationship with a real female. She will likely not act like the porn actresses do which will make it harder for you to enjoy sex with her if you keep this up. It will be too easy for you to fall back into the same trap of pleasuring only yourself & neglecting her sexually & emotionally. Read the post on here from the woman whose partner is doing what you are & she's getting sex from him once in a blue moon I replied to, & I'm sure she's not the only one struggling with that type of situation.

    Don't try to wean yourself off, get rid of it all & go cold turkey permanently. At best you have a vulnerability to a porn / sex addiction you need to nip in the bud now.

    Find out where a convenient 12 step Sex Addicts meeting is & go. Even if you are not full blown addicted yet, you possibly will be where they are if left unchecked, which you definitely don't want to be.
    DrLang's Avatar
    DrLang Posts: 98, Reputation: 10
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    #12

    Aug 27, 2008, 07:56 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by BetrayalBtCamp
    Many young men are in prison, that doesn't mean you need to follow their example.

    Get into a support group to get you out of the obsession with porn before it gets even worse (which it easily can), go to a dr to see if some meds might help & work on getting yourself healthy from the grip porn has already established with you.

    If you keep this porn habit up, all you will be doing is making it even harder to have a healthy relationship with a gf & not just because she may not want to be watching porn with you daily. It's not giving you a good pattern for your own sexuality & can wreck having a good relationship with a real female. She will likely not act like the porn actresses do which will make it harder for you to enjoy sex with her if you keep this up. It will be too easy for you to fall back into the same trap of pleasuring only yourself & neglecting her sexually & emotionally. Read the post on here from the woman whose partner is doing what you are & she's getting sex from him once in a blue moon I replied to, & I'm sure she's not the only one struggling with that type of situation.

    Don't try to wean yourself off, get rid of it all & go cold turkey permanently. At best you have a vulnerability to a porn / sex addiction you need to nip in the bud now.

    Find out where a convenient 12 step Sex Addicts meeting is & go. Even if you are not full blown addicted yet, you will be where they are if left unchecked.
    Comparing committing felonies to a porn addiction is such an absurd comparison that it does not even warrant a rebuttal argument. Comparing a porn addiction to a cake addiction may have been a more reasonable response.

    I'm not saying that there might not be a real problem here, but I see almost everyone on here immediately jumping to the conclusion that this is a severe life altering addiction with no more to go on beyond the fact that the OP says he can't give it up. The OP gives no indication to the approximate number of hours/day spent dedicated to porn, percent of income, or impact to life outside of porn. To immediately recommend a chemical treatment based on this information is an unthoughtful knee-jerk reaction.

    It is also overly presumptive to assume that all people addicted to porn are at major risk of having unsatisfied sex lives. This is a result that usually comes from the most severe group of porn addiction cases. I have had plenty of friends be addicted to porn at the height of their virility while they were single only to turn around and have normal healthy sex lives once they enter a serious relationship. I have also seen a select couple of cases where the addict does not get over their addiction upon entering a relationship. I have also noticed that their relationships are based around sex, and had little to do with companionship. This leads me to believe that for those people, porn addiction was a symptom of a greater problem rather than being the cause.

    This is why I believe it is more important to first evaluate the real effect that this is having on the OP, and determine whether this is a serious case, or if the OP is just over-reacting about a normal level of interest in porn.
    Stringer's Avatar
    Stringer Posts: 3,733, Reputation: 770
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    #13

    Aug 27, 2008, 08:16 PM
    BlakeCory, some of the best advice I have heard... good job.
    BetrayalBtCamp's Avatar
    BetrayalBtCamp Posts: 307, Reputation: 63
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    #14

    Aug 27, 2008, 08:21 PM
    Porn addiction as with any addiction from drinking to excessive shopping is often a symptom of a greater problem than what the addiction itself is manifesting, that is absolutely true. Just as it is true that no matter what the addiction is, many people have overcome them to have incredibly successful lives before & after that period. But many don't, they stay locked in or keep trying to clean up the incredible damage they've done to themselves & those that love them.

    And if this guy was posting that he was drinking everyday & concerned with the hold it has on his life, the advice would be basically the same, see if medical help is warranted, get into a support group, get into healthier habits as soon as possible & don't look back. Whether it would be possible for him to be a social drinker in the future would remain to be seen & would depend how quickly the wrong direction was reversed. Same thing if he said he was trying to give up the hold drinking had on him.

    One main difference is that with smoking or drinking at least you can stay permanently cold turkey, (as with the porn itself), which is not true or at least desirable with sex especially if a relationship with a real person is a goal.

    Most sex addicts may be enjoying their sex lives immensely but just as seen by the threads on here, their partners sure aren't. Smoking or drinking also doesn't change the brain or heart map on sex or relationships as detrimentally a way that a porn or sexual addiction can & too often does for a significant amount of people. That is well documented.

    One big issue with the research on the effects of porn is that much of it is by a group that has a 'dog in the fight'. The adult industry wants to say there's no harm & it can be beneficial. Other groups say the opposite. Yet, the numbers of people acknowledging it is a problem speaks for itself. Just like anything else, there are people it will not harm to smoke, drink or watch porn. For others, it is a life long disaster.

    Men and porn | World news | The Guardian

    Yet men, as much as women, hunger for intimacy. For many males, locked into a life in which self-esteem has grown intrinsically entwined with performance, sex assumes an almost unsustainable freight of demands & needs. Not only does the act itself become almost the only means through which many men can feel intimate & close, but it is also the way in which they find validation. And sex itself, of course, cannot possibly satisfy such demands.

    It is into this troubled scenario that porn finds such easy access. For in pornography, unlike in real life, there is no criticism, real or imagined, of male performance. Women are always, in the words of the average internet site, "hot & ready", eager to please. In real life, by contrast, men find women are anything but: they have higher job status, they demand that they be sexually satisfied, & they are increasingly opting to combine career & motherhood.

    Pornography, in other words, is a lie.

    It peddles falsehoods about men, women & human relationships. In the name of titillation, it seduces vulnerable, lonely men - & a small number of women - with the promise of intimacy, & delivers only a transitory masturbatory fix.

    Increasingly, though, men are starting to be open about the effect pornography has had upon them. David McLeod, a marketing executive, explains the cycle: "I'm drawn to porn when I'm lonely, particularly when I'm single & sexually frustrated. But I can easily get disgusted with myself. After watching a video two or three times, I'll throw it away & vow never to watch another again. But my resolve never lasts very long." He has, he says, "seen pretty much everything. I've even seen pictures of men being buggered by a pig. But once you start going down that slope, you get very quickly jaded."

    Extended exposure to pornography can have a whole raft of effects.

    By the time Nick Samuels had reached his mid-20s, it was altering his view of what he wanted from a sexual relationship. "I used to watch porn with one of my girlfriends, & I started to want to try things I'd seen in the films: anal sex, or threesomes." Sometimes, he says, this was OK - "She was an easy-going person." At other times, "it shocked her". Married for 15 years, he admits he has carried the same sexual expectations into the marital bedroom. "There's been real friction over this: my wife simply isn't that kind of person. And it's only now, after all these years, that I'm beginning to move on from it. Porn is like alcoholism: it clings to you like a leech."

    Psychoanalyst Estela Welldon, author of the classic text Mother, Madonna, Whore, has treated couples for whom such scenarios spiralled out of control. When couples use porn together - a growing trend, if anecdotal evidence is anything to go by - there is, says Welldon, "an illusory sense that they are getting closer together. Then they film themselves having sex & feel outside themselves. This dehumanising aspect is an important part of pornography. It dehumanises the other person, the relationship, & any intimacy."

    Even when in a loving sexual relationship, men who have used porn say that, all too often, they see their partner through a kind of "pornographic filter". This effect is summed up eloquently by US sociologist Harry Brod, in Segal's essay Sweet Sorrows, Painful Pleasures: "There have been too many times when I have guiltily resorted to impersonal fantasy because the genuine love I felt for a woman wasn't enough to convert feelings into performance. And in those sorry, secret moments, I have resented deeply my lifelong indoctrination into the aesthetic of the centrefold."

    Lost in a world of pornographic fantasy, men can become less inclined, as well as increasingly less able, to form lasting relationships.

    In part, this is due to the underlying message of pornography. Ray Wyre, a specialist in sexual crime, says pornography "encourages transience, experimentation & moving between partners". Morgan goes further: "Pornography does damage," he says, "because it encourages people to make their home in shallow relationships."

    Jan Woolf believes it might also prevent a relationship getting started.

    The more powerful the sense of pre-existing internal distress, the more compelling becomes the pull towards pornography.

    Day, who has attended meetings of Sex Addicts Anonymous for 12 years, says, "Pornography is central to my own sex addiction in as much as sex addiction has to do with the use of fantasy as a way of escaping from reality. Even in my fantasies about 'real' people, I am really transforming them into pieces of walking pornography. It is not the reality of who they are that I focus on, but the fantasy I project on to them."

    Like drugs & drink, pornography - as Day has realised - is an addictive substance. Porn actor Kelly Cooke, one of the stars of Pornography: The Musical, says this applies on either side of the camera: "It got to the point where I considered having sex the way most people consider getting a hamburger. But when you try to give it up - that's when you realise how addictive it is, both for consumers & performers. It's a class A drug, & it's hell coming off it."

    The cycle of addiction leads one way: towards ever harder material. Morgan believes "all pornography ends up with S&M". The now-infamous Carnegie Mellon study of porn on the internet found that images of hardcore sex were in far less demand than more extreme material. Images of women engaging in acts of bestiality were hugely popular

    The mechanics of the pornographic search - craving, discovery of the "right" image, masturbation, relief - makes it, says Morgan, work like "a sort of drug, an antidepressant".

    The myth about porn, as a witness told the 1983 Minneapolis city council public hearings on it, is that "it frees the libido & gives men an outlet for sexual expression. This is truly a myth. I have found pornography not only does not liberate men, but on the contrary is a source of bondage. Men masturbate to pornography only to become addicted to the fantasy. There is no liberation for men in pornography. [It] becomes a source of addiction, much like alcohol. There is no temporary relief. It is mood-altering. And reinforcing, i.e. 'you want more' because 'you got relief'. It is this reinforcing characteristic that leads men to want the experience they have in pornographic fantasy to happen in real life."

    And the alternative to pornography, says Morgan, is not always easy. "Relationships are difficult. Intimacy, having a good relationship, loving your children, involves work. Pornography is fantasy in the place of reality. But it is just that: fantasy. Pornography is not real, & the only thing human beings get nourishment from is reality: real relationships.

    And, anyway, what do you want to say when you get to the end of your life? That you wish you'd spent more time wanking on the internet? I hardly think so."
    BetrayalBtCamp's Avatar
    BetrayalBtCamp Posts: 307, Reputation: 63
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    #15

    Aug 27, 2008, 09:24 PM
    Comparing committing felonies to a porn addiction is such an absurd comparison that it does not even warrant a rebuttal argument. Comparing a porn addiction to a cake addiction may have been a more reasonable response.
    Apparently you are unaware of how many men in prison had a fascination with porn as a common characteristic even prior to their incarceration, which may not true of those with a cake addiction. But if I'm mistaken & that is true of cake addicts, I'd appreciate you showing me the facts to back that up. That may be difficult because as with porn, research is a problem, & many cake eaters lead normal lives never sufferiing a significant detrimental effect. Yet many more will not be as fortunate as they indulge their addiction until it ruins them with the classic health & mental effects of so many addictions, some even progressing to other sorts of heavily caloric laden baked goods.

    By then it is too late to turn back the clock, yet this young man does have the chance to leave the addiction behind him much more easily & with less significant damage than if he continues to pursue the porn obsession he is seeking help for now. And I applaud him for that, many fool themselves into thinking they can keep unhealthy behaviors in place & reap healthy rewards only to find the truth was the opposite after much of their life has been wasted so unnecessarily.

    Of course, people who are criminals also breathe & no one is saying oxygen is bad. There are a lot of common characteristics among people, all breathe, some watch porn, some eat cake.

    Yet, the fact that porn has extremely serious negative effects for too many people is well documented. The man said he wants to stop, has tried to repeatedly & hasn't been able to. That's a major problem. He didn't ask if he had a problem, he asked for help dealing with it. And if nothing else, the problem is that he can't stop doing something that isn't a necessity of life. He may not be a sex addict, but the road he is on can easily lead there if he can't stop when he wants to & that's a concern that should be taken seriously.

    To be leary of something that you realize is causing a problem is smart, to seek help for that smarter & to stop what is contributing to the problem even smarter. The next step is to see what void porn may be filling if any, to see if there is an underlying issue that should be cleaned up at the same time & get into a better, healthier mindset & habits. Getting rid of the porn is an important first step but checking to see why & how it became such an issue & fixing that is just as important. If that is not done, it's makes it possible that the addictive behavior may not completely stop but just be manifested in another form, even if a more socially acceptable one such as workaholism.

    Naomi Wolf on Why Porn Turns Men Off the Real Thing -- New York Magazine

    The young women who talk to me on campuses about the effect of pornography on their intimate lives speak of feeling that they can never measure up, that they can never ask for what they want; & that if they do not offer what porn offers, they cannot expect to hold a guy.

    The young men talk about what it is like to grow up learning about sex from porn, & how it is not helpful to them in trying to figure out how to be with a real woman.

    Mostly, when I ask about loneliness, a deep, sad silence descends on audiences of young men & young women alike. They know they are lonely together, even when conjoined, & that this imagery is a big part of that loneliness. What they don't know is how to get out, how to find each other again erotically, face-to-face.

    So Dworkin was right that pornography is compulsive, but she was wrong in thinking it would make men more rapacious. A whole generation of men are less able to connect erotically to women— & ultimately less libidinous.

    The reason to turn off the porn might become, to thoughtful people, not a moral one but, in a way, a physical- & emotional-health one; you might want to rethink your constant access to porn in the same way that, if you want to be an athlete, you rethink your smoking.

    The evidence is in: Greater supply of the stimulant equals diminished capacity.

    After all, pornography works in the most basic of ways on the brain: It is Pavlovian. An orgasm is one of the biggest reinforcers imaginable. If you associate orgasm with your wife, a kiss, a scent, a body, that is what, over time, will turn you on; if you open your focus to an endless stream of ever-more-transgressive images of cybersex slaves, that is what it will take to turn you on.

    The ubiquity of sexual images does not free eros but dilutes it.
    DMA's Avatar
    DMA Posts: 114, Reputation: 8
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    #16

    Aug 28, 2008, 05:49 AM
    Ok some really good stuff here. Lots to think about but it's looking like a lot for me to deal with now. For example I should know myself well but I cannot answer some of the questions raised by reading your responses. All of a sudden it seems I need medication for this problem! This would be suppress sexual feelings? I find that a little frightening.

    I'm not sure what effect this is having on me. Yes it could easily be a symptom rather than a cause.

    Some things you have been saying really ring true.
    "Every addict has a hidden wound inside that has never healed... addicts are looking for a distraction from the real world."
    I am not doing great in my personal life. The escape from the real world - or at least forgetting your worries and problems - must be a big part of it.

    "Don't try to wean yourself off, get rid of it all & go cold turkey permanently. At best you have a vulnerability to a porn / sex addiction you need to nip in the bud now."
    I've gone cold turkey several times. I'm not sure I can nip it in the bud if I've been doing it for a few years now.

    The way I see it, you can have a drug addiction and come off it forever. But I am preprogrammed to have sexual feelings towards females and that is never going away. So in my mind I can't have a clear cut "this is bad and I must do without it forever". Give me a cake and tell me not to eat it... I cannot help myself. So cutting cake is easy for me - just don't buy cake. But this porn addiction is more complicated than that.
    DMA's Avatar
    DMA Posts: 114, Reputation: 8
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    #17

    Aug 28, 2008, 05:51 AM
    More about me
    I first saw porn quite young. My best guess is I was 6-8 years old. Even at that age I remember getting an erection from seeing the naked women. I didn't understand what I felt at the time but I knew I liked it. After an adult saw what we had found and took it off us immediately, we then spent the rest of the day sneaking around and looking for the porn mag again. I wonder how much of a long term impact this has had on me.

    I have looked at harder and harder porn. I think I've seen it all - at least once anyway. I can't imagine anything I haven't seen. But I absolutely do not want to act out what I see! I do not even find slutty women attractive in the real world. The porn I keep coming back to and can't stop viewing is 90% nude photo shoots. With some of the best stuff being amateur pics - "real" porn. Like when teenage girls get a digital camera and post pictures of themselves on the internet.

    I can't imagine myself being in the situation of having a girlfriend where we only have sex once in a blue moon because I'm looking at porn so much. I'm sure I would want sex everyday. From reading other threads on this forum, this would be too much for most girls to keep up with. But I would still rather have a real girl than a fantasy one.
    excon's Avatar
    excon Posts: 21,482, Reputation: 2992
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    #18

    Aug 28, 2008, 08:09 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by DMA
    Or maybe I should just stop trying to give it up?
    Hello DMA:

    Bingo!

    There ain't no such thing as a porn addiction. It's a media creation, just like ADHD and food addictions. It's all baloney.

    excon
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    BetrayalBtCamp Posts: 307, Reputation: 63
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    #19

    Aug 28, 2008, 08:50 AM
    No, No, No, you misunderstood! No one would suggest you get meds to dampen your sex drive! The first suggestion was perhaps some sleeping meds would help you get some rest if the urge to watch porn was keeping you up. It is also possible that if you are depressed, have some anxiety or something like that, some meds could help you clear your head & treat the underlying issue that is making this more of a problem for you right now. A dr would have to diagnose that.

    Addictions, obsessions, compulsive behaviors are coping mechanisms of some sort, it sometimes is done as a form of self medication. A dr could determine the underlying real issue (like depression for example) & there may be some meds that may help with that. F you are not getting enough rest particularly if other stressful things are going on in your life, that would be detrimental for your health & instead of riding until sheer exhaustion makess you drop, could let you get a good nite's sleep which would help short term to be in better shape to deal with the stresses you've got going right now.

    But there is no magic pill that would make your problems go away unfortunately, that would be more popular than viagra!

    No, no one is suggesting you get meds to stop your normal & natureal sex drive any more than they would suggest getting some sort of midieval device to stop you from masturbating!

    Cake like porn is something people can live without. We are designed to enjoy a wonderful sex life & it is a powerful drive. Some things are just more addictive than others & people have vulnerabilities to getting hooked on a "drug of choice". For women, it's not unusual for excessive shopping or eating (or not as in anorexia) to be a problem while for men, porn can be very alluring. We have a very strong sex drive & we live in a society where porn is easily available everywhere. That combination makes it a convenient compulsion alone.

    Seeing porn early is a common characteristic of porn / sex addicts, so again, that indicates that it would be in your best interest to get some professional or at least experienced help to aid you in working past this issue. Nipping it in the bud means that many men spend decades immerged in porn just like anyone will stay in bad habits that way unless they take the necessary steps to change things.

    The fact that it has gone on so long just means you need some help rather than just relying on sheer willpower to be a bridge from where you are now to where you want to be. That's no different from anyone, some things can be done immediately & well because we set our mind on the goal but with many, some trained help or a good support group is just what's needed to break an unwanted pattern of behavior.

    Whether you are a sex addict no one here can tell you. In fact, there is some debate on whether it is a "legitimate addiction" at all. But you say it's compulsive behavior for you that you can't stop on your own despite making the effort. Seeing a good therapist will help you sort it out so you can regain control over what you let in & keep out of your life. DrL was absolutely right in saying that taking a look at how it is effecting your life is a good thing. Many people have seen porn but it's never been an issue for them, just as lots have it become something that they wish they had never been exposed to because it did cause so many problems for them.

    You acknowledging it's an issue you want to face head on directly is a very smart thing to do before even more time passes & it becomes an even more ingrained detrimental pattern of behavior for you. Talking to those that have been where you are now or trained to deal with this sort of thing could be beneficial for you. They can tell you what has worked & didn't work for to move past the same sort of problem. Or how to work on identifying what wound(s) might be there that your compulsive behavior so you can properly address what is underlying this escape for you.

    Most of us are wounded inside in some way or another, no one has a perfect life or perfect childhood, some are extremely functional in a healthy way & others are not until they address those wounds and/or the reasons for them. All of us cope with the things we've gone through one way or another & some of those things are good for us, some not. Like a smoker or compulsive eater who embraces a healthier lifestyle with better eating habits & exercising after deciding they don't want to pay the consequences for the undesired behavior any more, for example. Some can stop alone, some will need some help & there is plenty of that available with support groups of all kinds for one.

    Internet, Porn, and Cybersex Addictions: Symptoms, Self-help, and Tips for Parents

    The first step is recognizing that there is a problem.

    Overcoming denial should be followed by other treatment steps, including:

    Identifying specific problem areas

    Generating a behavior modification plan, such as setting a timer for usage, planning a daily schedule, keeping a log of moods when going online, matching time spent online with time spent socializing face-to-face and taking part in non-computer related activities
    Focusing on other areas for needed skill enhancement, such as problem solving, assertiveness, social skills, overcoming shyness, anger control

    Assessing for other disorders like depression or anxiety that may need medical treatment.

    Assistance in locating or forming a support group for other people who are trying to regain control over their computer use.


    Pornography addiction - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

    Formal criteria have been suggested along lines strictly analogous to the DSM criteria for alcohol and other substance addictions.[2] This article cites Goodman (1990), who compared the DSM criteria lists for various addictive disorders and derived these general characteristics:

    Recurrent failure to resist impulses to engage in a specified behavior

    Increasing sense of tension immediately prior to initiating the behavior

    Pleasure or relief at the time of engaging in the behavior

    At least five of the following:
    Frequent preoccupation with the behavior or with activity that is preparatory to the behavior

    Frequent engaging in the behavior to a greater extent or over a longer period than intended

    Repeated efforts to reduce, control, or stop the behavior

    A great deal of time spent in activities necessary for the behavior, engaging in the behavior, or recovering from its effects

    Frequent engaging in the behavior when expected to fulfill occupational, academic, domestic or social obligations

    Important social, occupational, or recreational activities given up or reduced because of the behavior

    Continuation of the behavior despite knowledge of having a persistent or recurrent social, financial, psychological, or physical problem that is caused or exacerbated by the behavior

    Tolerance: need to increase the intensity or frequency of the behavior in order to achieve the desired effect, or diminished effect with continued behavior of the same intensity

    Restlessness or irritability if unable to engage in the behavior

    Some symptoms of the disturbance have persisted for at least one month, or have occurred repeatedly over a longer period
    BlakeCory's Avatar
    BlakeCory Posts: 236, Reputation: 21
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    #20

    Aug 28, 2008, 09:05 AM
    There is nothing wrong with having a sexual appetite. C. S. Lewis put it this way,
    “Imagine a country where you could fill a room by simple bringing a covered plate onto the stage and then slowly lifting the cover so as to let everyone see, just before the lights went out, that it had contained a steak.

    Wouldn't you think that in that country something had gone wrong with the appetite for food?

    And wouldn't anyone who had grown up in a different world think there was something equally weird about the state of the sex instinct among us?

    You find very few people who want to eat things that are really not food or to do things with food instead of eating it. In other words, perversions of the food appetite are rare.

    But perversions of the sex instinct are numerous, hard to cure, and scary.”

    He is comparing female strippers to… food strippers. It sounds crazy but we are talking about two of the strongest appetites in the human body.

    Someone from another world would think the reason for our huge sexual appetite is because we are all starving. The fact is we have more access to sex than ever before. Could you imagine being able to download actual drugs or alcohol to your cell phone? Sex is available 24/7 everywhere we go. Instead of starving we are drowning. The more we feed it the bigger it grows. There will never be enough to fill it or stop it by giving the cravings what they want.

    Stopping cold is the best way but don't do it alone. Remember that if this is coming from brokenness, then that brokenness cannot fix itself. You make to decision to stop but you will need the help to do it.

    There is nothing wrong with sex. It is the abuse of anything that is wrong. There are people that cannot stop eating even at a young age. We teach them self control to keep the extreme from happening.

    Don't wait for something horrible to happen in your life. Recognize the danger of not being able to control yourself and find a group or a person to help you regain control.

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