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mo911 · Jul 29, 2007, 01:37 PM

Hi
Can anyone please shed some light on this. I am 34 years of age and for the past year I have had my eyes set on this younger women, she's around 22 years old. We saw at the gym around 1 year ago, we looked at a few times from a distance, each time I looked, she was looking back, the feeling was just right however at this moment I wasn't sure what to make of it, so I never put any serious thought to to it.
Some days later whilst training at the gym I saw her again watching me, and as I saw her she looked away. She came into the area where I was working out, this time she didn't make eye contact but I could feel certain vibes coming from her, this may sound stupid to some people but I could definitely sense something, it was due to her being present, my attraction towards her was not serious at this point but there was some there. I was inclined to think the vibes were being sent by her own attraction however I wasn't sure what this unusual feeling was, it had never happened to me before with any other girls that I have been with.
Anyhow as the weeks went by I saw her on in and out of the gym maybe once or twice a week or sometimes a few weeks went by without seeing her, during the period of approx 6 months I started to think about her more and more, there was a time whilst training when we had our backs to and I decided to turn my head to see if she was still there, as I did so she was doing exactly the same thing and when we saw we quickly turned back, I was embarrassed.
Then one day by coincidence I was shopping and I walked into a store where I have been many times before and guess what, there she was. She had worked here probably all along and I had not even noticed her. We saw , all along we have given eye contact but no verbal at all. From this point my visits to the store have been a little more than normal, on a number of occasions she has held my gaze for a few seconds and then looked down, we didn't smile or give any other gestures just blank stares.
As the weeks went by we kept up this staring routine , there were also a number of occasions where I saw her in the gym and she moved herself into a position where she knew I was about to go, I saw her from the gym mirrors whilst I was on the treadmill, as I started to come of the machine I saw that she quickly decided to end her workout and go onto the next machine, as I moved to the next embarrassed I pretended I still haven't seen her, I could see from the side of my eye that she then moved onto another machine, I then looked at her after a few minutes and she was looking right me with a half smile, at his point I smiled back. Now as far as she was concerned I have only just noticed her, she then moved back onto her second machine which she had just come off, this machine was more in my line of vision, at this point she hardly looked at me, this would probably be known as stalking by some people.
I have seen her talk to other lads a couple of times, and each time she was looking at me, then when she saw me talking to another girl I noticed that she vanished straight after that quite quickly. Then a few weeks later when I saw her at the store she saw me and finally came up with a big smile with her lips concerned, her eyes were narrowed also, I smiled back the same way. She did this a number of occasions. One day I just couldn't handle it any more, iwis very attracted to her and also shy, I saw her at the gym and as she walked past on her way out I told her "cute earings" she turned around , smiled and said thank you, this was my first words to her. After this the smiling and attracted became a little more than normal, I could see that on a couple of occasions she took a route which she knew she would walk past me, I have also seen other guys trying to hit at her.
Recently I thought id bite the bullet and approach her, the mystery was driving me bonkers, I knew I was attracted to her and was pretty sure she was to me, but I felt so nervous and edgy that approaching her felt impossible, then last week she was sat having a coffee at the gym canteen, and here is what happened;

ME; walked straight updo her with a straight face "i think we need to get together sometime" (heart thumped away like never before)

HER "why" (straight face, with eye contact)

ME "we could chill out and have a laugh, when have you got some foretime"
At this point she was looking into my eyes intensely, we were staring at for a good few seconds and it felt like hours.

HER "i dont have much foretime, im always busy"

She looked away and then at some people sat on the other side of the canteen, I felt as if she was concerned about them watching us.

ME "ok, have a think, ill be here at the gym tomorrow and il see you then. Oh by the way whats your name."

She had her face tilted slight downwards whilst seated, she looked up at me only with her eyeballs and said

HER "lucy"

ME "my names MO ill see you around" I put my forward for a handshake and she complied,although I felt a very slight urgency for her to take her hand back quickly.

At this moment I turned around and left. Its been a week and I haven't yet seen her, I do not intend to go to the store where she works in the near future, I will leave th ball in her court. I am not usually so nervous around anyone and even though she was giving out so many positive signals it made me even more nervous, maybe its because our mutual attraction was real and losing such a combination would be devastating.
Please could someone let me know if they think there is some chemistry here according to her behavior, or could she be leading me on, also would you think I have messed up with such an approach, I was my first conversation with her, she didn't say anything negative, she did look at me behavior and I was too nervous to prolong the talk, however I kept eye contact until she looked away and my voice never stuttered, due to being nervous I kept it simple and left, I do have the feeling that she behavior be a shy girl but I'm not totally sure hence I never tried to push her to take some time out. When I asked for her name she gave it to me in a low voice with her head tilted downwards and eyes looking upwards to me, this was the last thing I said to her.
Could anyone help with some serious advice, I have got strong feelings for her and don't really want to look elsewhere because I feel that she may have serious attraction towards me.

GlindaofOz · Jul 29, 2007, 01:40 PM

So you played a cat and mouse game for months before asking her out? She might be annoyed and think that you are a jerk for waiting so long. She could also just be a flirt he enjoys staring at boys at the gym. Who knows? I'd move on she sounds uninterested.

mo911 · Jul 29, 2007, 01:53 PM

Originally Posted by GlindaofOz

So you played a cat and mouse game for months before asking her out? She might be annoyed and think that you are a jerk for waiting so long. She could also just be a flirt he enjoys staring at boys at the gym. Who knows? I'd move on she sounds uninterested.

I understand what your saying, but what about the fact that signs seemed stronger now than a year ago, please could advise if they are signs or am I reading too much into it.
Thanks

GlindaofOz · Jul 29, 2007, 01:55 PM

You might be reading too much into it or she could be totally nuts :) Its hard to say. Based on the interaction that you had with her it sounds like she is not interested. I hate to put down my sex, but some of us love male attention but don't want to be bothered by guys and some of us are completely off our rockers.

You seem like a nice enough guy I'm sure there are other gals at the gym or elsewhere he'd like to date someone like you. Why not look around some more and stop focusing so much on her.

mo911 · Jul 29, 2007, 02:07 PM

Originally Posted by GlindaofOz

You might be reading too much into it or she could be totally nuts :) Its hard to say. Based on the interaction that you had with her it sounds like she is not interested. I hate to put down my sex, but some of us love male attention but don't want to be bothered by guys and some of us are completely off our rockers.

You seem like a nice enough guy I'm sure there are other gals at the gym or elsewhere he'd like to date someone like you. Why not look around some more and stop focusing so much on her.

The days leading up to the approach, she constantly turned up at exactly the same time as me at the gym, she was at the doors of the gym looking back at me and I am quite sure it was not coincidental, she walked past me on the day of my approach half an hour earlier with a big smile on her face, watery eyes and her face was pretty much blushing red I was sure this was due to me being there. I am under the impression that my sudden approach did surprise her a lot, and giving the fact that a total stranger comes up to a girl and says that we should get together sometime, I believe her response was within reason, i.e. she may not want to sound desperate by saying yes to quickly, if she wasn't interested or playing games surely she may have been a little hostile or even funny about the approach.
What do you think

GlindaofOz · Jul 29, 2007, 02:09 PM

Well I would say to make you feel better and to satisfy your curiosity maybe ask her is she was available one day to maybe grab a post workout snack. Something that doesn't seem too serious or that she wouldn't feel weird accepting. That why it will seem like an easy way to get to know one another.

mo911 · Jul 29, 2007, 02:14 PM

Originally Posted by GlindaofOz

Well I would say to make you feel better and to satisfy your curiosity maybe ask her is she was available one day to maybe grab a post workout snack. Something that doesn't seem too serious or that she wouldn't feel weird accepting. That why it will seem like an easy way to get to know one another.

By saying this to make me feel better your breaking my heart. I have also asked a couple of other people and they have said that I may have gone in to strong.
Anyhow what would you say about the bodylanguage signs she was giving off.

GlindaofOz · Jul 29, 2007, 02:17 PM

No I wasn't saying it to make you feel better I was saying to do so in order to make YOU feel better. I know if I was in the same situation I'd wonder what if I tried one more time. So maybe just try to casually strike up a conversation. Believe me, I really always want people to get together and for it to work out. I'd say give it another shot and like I said suggest something low key and see what happens.

GlindaofOz · Jul 29, 2007, 02:18 PM

Oh! As for the body language I'd say she's saying something. Its like her body language says one thing and she actually says another. I don't know if it was too strong, guys approach girls in common places all the time to ask them out for coffee or a drink or lunch.

mo911 · Jul 29, 2007, 02:19 PM

Originally Posted by GlindaofOz

No I wasn't saying it to make you feel better I was saying to do so in order to make YOU feel better. I know if I was in the same situation I'd wonder what if I tried one more time. So maybe just try to casually strike up a conversation. Believe me, I really always want people to get together and for it to work out. I'd say give it another shot and like I said suggest something low key and see what happens.

Would you say that she was interested and made a mess up of it

GlindaofOz · Jul 29, 2007, 02:22 PM

Could be. She may have been admiring you from a distance then when you actually approached her she just had a mental shut down. I've seen it happen to some pretty typically confident girls. You may make her nervous, not in a bad way just like "oh there is that cute guy again oh my gosh is he coming up to me, oh no oh no oh no". Which is why I'm saying trying again with something like a coffee or post workout snack. She may be kicked herself for acting like such an idiot.

mo911 · Jul 29, 2007, 02:25 PM

Originally Posted by mo911

would you say that she was interested and made a mess up of it

I felt like her answer was neutral given the context of the approach, surely she could have said something like "i dont even know you" or "get lost" or "what gave you that idea"
She just looked at me bright eyed with full eye to eye contact, I felt she was trying to smile, and had I brought a smile on then I think she would have done the same, but she just replied with, I am quite busy and don't have much freetime, I felt as if I had pushed a little harder she may have given a time and date.

mo911 · Jul 29, 2007, 02:28 PM

Originally Posted by GlindaofOz

Could be. She may have been admiring you from a distance then when you actually approached her she just had a mental shut down. I've seen it happen to some pretty typically confident girls. You may make her nervous, not in a bad way just like "oh there is that cute guy again oh my gosh is he coming up to me, oh no oh no oh no". Which is why I'm saying trying again with something like a coffee or post workout snack. She may be kicked herself for acting like such an idiot.

Your making me feel better already, by the way her voice tone was more on the polite and soft side rather than harsh or hostile.

GlindaofOz · Jul 29, 2007, 02:28 PM

Then go for it! The more info you are giving it sounds like she at least finds you attractive and that's a start. As I always say looks get you in the front door but your personality gets you an invitation to stay.

The next time you see her say hello and ask her how she is doing. Maybe even ask if she is having better luck with her schedule because you would love to take her out for a coffee and get to know her.

mo911 · Jul 29, 2007, 02:37 PM

Originally Posted by GlindaofOz

Then go for it! The more info you are giving it sounds like she at least finds you attractive and thats a start. As I always say looks get you in the front door but your personality gets you an invitation to stay.

The next time you see her say hello and ask her how she is doing. Maybe even ask if she is having better luck with her schedule because you would love to take her out for a coffee and get to know her.

That's exactly what I was planning but I was a little worried that I may have messed it up with her already with the approach, her last words with me were her giving her name to me in a nice polite way. Do you think its still game on, will she make herself available or will I have to go over. I am not very keen going over as I myself fear rejection and feel embarrassed in front of all her work mates if she has told them.

GlindaofOz · Jul 29, 2007, 02:49 PM

Well you mentioned that you happen to find yourself working out in pretty proximity to her. When that happens just smile big and say "Hi Lucy! How are you doing?" and see how she responds. She should give you some pretty good clues from there. I would imagine in order to show interest she may blush or smile big as well and say hello and go from there.

mo911 · Jul 29, 2007, 02:54 PM

Originally Posted by GlindaofOz

Well you mentioned that you happen to find yourself working out in pretty close proximity to her. When that happens just smile big and say "Hi Lucy! How are you doing?" and see how she responds. She should give you some pretty good clues from there. I would imagine in order to show interest she may blush or smile big as well and say hello and go from there.

Do you think it makes a difference with the fact that she knows I'm married and have 4 kids, and also the fact that she has a boyfriend.

GlindaofOz · Jul 29, 2007, 03:05 PM

Okay you may have wanted to state that in the beginning. In that case I do not support you moving forward. You need to focus on your wife and kids and if your wife doesn't understand or doesn't have sex with you or whatever reason you are going outside your marriage then either go to counseling or get a divorce. Don't go looking for answers in some young girl. That may very well be why she is acting like she is acting, that now makes a lot of sense. Leave it alone and instead ask your wife out for a date.

bizygurl · Jul 29, 2007, 04:40 PM

I work out at a gym too. And although I'm not single I've had many guys approach me to "get together sometime" and obviously I've turned them down but in many ways.. although its flattering I was kind of turned off. The gym time is "me" time and most people feel the same.. guys and girls. They're there for one purpose to work out and they don't usually like to be bothered. Im not saying that people are unsociable, but its not like a bar or a club in that kind of public atmosphere where that's expected to be hit on.

She sounds like she may be attracted to you and possibly interested but you may have came on a little to strong. She sounds shy so when you came up to her out of the blue she may not have had much to say or know what to say. Im also shy and I can tell you if some one came up to me and said "we should get together sometime" and I didn't know there name.. I would have been taken aback a little.

When you get a chance to see her out at the gym you should approach her and say something like "hey Im sorry if i made you uncomfortable that day at the gym canteen. I really wanted to introduce myself you seem very nice and I may have come off a bit strong."

I would see then what her reaction is. If you get than less of what you want from her then maybe she isn't interested but really just likes your attention. If that's the case I wouldn't wait around for her. Good Luck!

bizygurl · Jul 29, 2007, 04:44 PM

Oh GeeZ dude! I didn't read that post of you mentioning your wife and "4" kids. Ugh! You know if your looking for a fling then at least get a divorce first if you can't work it out with your wife. And yeah if she knows your "married" with 4 kids then that would have been the obvious answer to why she acted the way she did. Because she's a "good girl". IF that's the reason that she's not responding to you then leave her alone and go home to your wife or get a divorce