[Exoticfrenchfry]

I at first thought my mother-in-law was menopausal she's only 49, but I've spent two years in this family and have come to realize that she has some real emotional health problems, thank goodness my husband turned out OK. He informed me that she was always "crazy" like that. I'm 99% sure she has a hereditary mental illness although I am not sure which, it's not like she'd go to a real doctor to find out. She has a doctorate in child psychology but no longer practices, and an online homeopathic medicine degree.
She is also manic depressive, manipulative, revengeful and has the inability to let go of past hurts. She also behaves like a child when she doesn't get her way. Her husband also has depression problems but takes medication for it. She has managed to estrange all of her children save my husband, her favorite child. She is obsessed with homeopathic medicine and once overdosed on cayenne pepper pills, because she liked the taste she said, once the pills reacted to her empty stomach you can bet that was the worst heartburn ever. I've tried to explain to her that some of the powders and pills she pops can be found abundantly in natural food she regularly eats but to no avail. Which is what one would think the homeopathic part would be OK with.
She cannot seem to perform simple tasks or gets confused easily, yet is obsessed with education and money and has managed to be a great life insurance saleswoman.
She is still trying to sue her ex-husband almost 20 years after their divorce, which of course any court will laugh at and tell her it's been too long, but she won't give up. She also manipulates her current husband daily because he had some problems with pornography early in their marriage. His only relief is that he's a trucker so he's not a home all the time and when he is, he's sleeping.
She is also obsessed with her religion and all sorts of self-help, anything new that comes on the market she wants to see. She also fancies herself as a great self-help author, I've read her books, there's good reason why she has to self-publish.

She emotionally manipulates her daughter and husband like I've never seen before (and I thought I hated my mother when I was a teen) her daughter is almost 30. For the longest time her daughter thought that she was the one with the problem, it's sad how children even when they are adults can put all of the problems on them.
So there we have it, maybe it is a cocktail of disorders, the delusions of grandeur, the intense obsessions, and manic depressive behavior. We love her because she's family but it would be nice if we didn't have to treat her with kid gloves and watch what we say.

I am worried about the future, it will fall on me and my husband's shoulders to do something since we are the only family that still talks to her without a lawyer present. How bad can it get before we need to do something? How do we handle that? What if she refuses to go to a real doctor?

[UpstateUpset]

I posted A similar question about my own mother. I believe she is mentally ill. She is 57 and exhibits similar behaviors you described. Find out if there is a past family history of mental illness I just found out my mother's side of the family is prone to dementia. I need to know what that means in the future for me. Also, find out if she experienced any abandonment or abuse she could be acting that out, as well. Good luck and keep me in the loop.