[Eesh]

This is really bothering me I'll try and make it as short as possible. I (26) met my Ex (23)last July and we saw each other for a couple months then started dating in Sept. Her and I really connected on every level. We could do everything together or hang out separately it didn't matter. EVERYTHING was awesome. In December she left to go on a 3 month vacation with her parents and sister to Africa. We agreed to part at that point with the assumption that we would get back together when she got back. She stressed to me that she wouldn't be able to keep in contact much at all, but she did. She emailed me almost twice a week.

This is where I feel things went bad, I missed her a lot (not to the point that I was depressed and crying, I just really missed having her there with me, and hanging out with her) and became a little jaded. I think I came across as being needy in the emails that I sent her wich scared her a little. She got back about a month ago. We went out for coffee a couple of times but the last time we hung out things went sour. She went on to say how our relationship was the best relationship she's ever had and how it was so perfect and so healthy. But that she wasn't sure she was ready to move into a commitment wich meant so much hard work and sacrifice for both of us etc. She also mentioned how hard it would be for her to run into me with another girl, and it would also be the same for me to see her with another guy. The conversation went on.

I know I really screwed up weather she wants to admit it or not, I know I chased her away a little. She wants to still be friends, and tells me that she feels she needs me in her life, but we all know how awkward that is. I took her phone number out of my cell phone just in case I decided to call her when I was drunk or something.

I know that I have to concentrate on my own life right now, its hard to get her out of my head but I'm trying to keep as busy as possible.

I just want to know if anyone here has gotten back with an ex and if its worked out for them. Also do you think I'm crazy to think there is anything there?

[mckenzie134]

Ive been in the same position I had my girlfriend for 3 1/2 years though it doesn't matter the length if you become needy that's when your on the way out. I always played it cool but then as we wre togeth longer I seemed to be getting worried where the relationship was going and started to ask questions this put me on the back fot and adventually she asked for the break we ahad two weeks off and somehow I kept talking to her which was stupid but we ended up together and seeing what was happening. Any way I need to be busy so I kept busy and saw her when I could and everything was going great she was real keen and all was good. But once again is I started to slip back tothat needy guy and once again she wanted the break I should have not been a s needy as what I was and I may still be with her been broken for five weeks now and its so hard I blame myself for not enjoyig my own life and making her such a big part of it when I should have just had her equal with the rest of my life. Its had to do that when your in love ou let any little thing take control when you need tolook at the big picture and stay in control and reallyhave her when you need her.. I always told myself early in the relationship I had my mates to spend time with and my family and then I had my girlfriend for sex and occasionally going out on romantic dates and that worked great it gave her time to be on her own I could do what I want and when we were together it was always exciting. But as I masde her more of my life well it wasn't so excting anymore. Illlearn from tha how stupid. I had it down perfect and enjoyed myself and her and I stffed it. Although she was not veryopen in the relationship which may not have helped but I shouldn't have given a as long as I was getting some arsei should have been happy...

[talaniman]

but the last time we hung out things went sour.

Could you elaborate on this?
It seems as though she was honestly telling you to slow down, so I really am unsure as to if this is over or not. I can see the wisdom of her position, and unlike others who come here with these problems, I think if you would take her advice to heart and have fun while getting to know each other, and learn something from your past behavior then something may grow from a healthy friendship. Not to give you false hope or anything but she has not shut the door on you, just slowed your train down. That means you must have a life you enjoy without her, and be happy on your own, before you can be her friend. Work on yourself and keep us updated.

[Eesh]

Could you elaborate on this?
It seems as though she was honestly telling you to slow down, so I really am unsure as to if this is over or not. I can see the wisdom of her position, and unlike others who come here with these problems, I think if you would take her advice to heart and have fun while getting to know each other, and learn something from your past behavior then something may grow from a healthy friendship. Not to give you false hope or anything but she has not shut the door on you, just slowed your train down. That means you must have a life you enjoy without her, and be happy on your own, before you can be her friend. Work on yourself and keep us updated.

I wanted you to be right. As it turns out one my Ex and I had mutual friends who also use to date. One of them informed me that the reason she broke up with me is because she didn't feel I was the one that she was going to end up marrying. OUCH!! Considering all the relationships I've been in, I am totally lost for words.

[jkil4]

I think its possiable to go back.. But it's never the same... Maybe that's good because if things weren't good then your always glad for a restart...
But it's seems in all mine that it's never the way you want it to be, and needy isn't good, but if you and that person are really connected then you'll be, if not then move on.

[jkil4]

He's not the one for you!!

It sounds like he doesn't want to hurt you by saying it directly.

Find a new outlet, a hobby something that you like that takes up your time.
Don't CALL HIM AGAIN>>> HE WILL CALL, and by then you will be clearer in your thinking and maybe you will find that you didn't even miss him.

Good Luck

[jkil4]

In my opinion I think that we must first try to see why WE are attracting this kind of MAN Or Woman in out lives.

I have been the needy one, and I have also been on the other side if it as well.
After my marriage (were I was needy) I became cold, calus, and unemotional with every man I dated. I couldn't even think of wanting to commit or be involved for too long.
I wasn't needy at all? What happened? I got a taste of life! YEAHH If was great.
But after 12 yrs of being single I started worrying that I would be forever.
I have been in two very serious relationships, the one right before this one he wasn't able to at 52 to even start wanting to settle down, and with that in mind I shut that down as fast as I could seeing there was no future for me.
This one I'm currently in is great except he's very jealous and needy and has to have contstant reassurance all the time! And he's sucking the life out of me!!
Until today I deciced that if I want to ever have anyone in my life that I was going to spend my life with,well then I better try to make a change if I can, he loves me and I know that he will TRY and I am ready for that too.
Its something in ME that makes him this way. And I know it.
So if I bend, move, try a little harder instead of giving up so quickly maybe I will be here for a loving longlasting relationship with a man that I know loves me and that I love very passionately as well.
Good luck I know we all need a little of it.