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snakenath · Nov 4, 2012, 11:20 AM

My girlfriend ended it with me a little over a week ago after already splitting up and getting back together which then lasted just a couple of days (The details are in my other threads). She says that she doesn't want to be with me anymore but I can't in my mind accept that and I don't believe I was given a fair chance to prove myself to her considering my insecurities and that I can be understanding and trusting to her.

We have shared so much together and I can say I have never felt love so strong for anyone else like I do her, we have such an amazing connection and everything else about us clicked like we were meant to be with each other. I have spoken to her on the phone the other day where she shed some tears and I even saw her last Saturday at a halloween event where I saw so much pain in her eyes unlike I have ever seen before and I knew she missed me by the way she hugged me and even bought me a drink. She has said to me that we need distance before we can consider being friends but I don't want it to just be that, I want my beautiful lady back in my life, I feel so empty without her like a fire inside me has been put out.

I know I'am nothing perfect and have my flaws but I just wanted to show her that I would do anything for her and that I can sort out my issues and give her what she wants, I still want to show her that if she gave me the chance and I did show her a little before when we got back together for a short time as she went out to a show with her male friend and he had been going over to hers and showed no problem to her like she always wanted.

I want to be given a real chance and show her I trust her and that we can still be a strong couple again where neither of us is miserable. I know she loves me and I know she misses me but she is very very strong and will not show it the best she can where as I hold my heart on my sleeve and make it obvious I'm in pieces.

I want to know if someone has been through similar in the past and won that person back because I know of people who have been apart for 4-5 months before and then got back together. I need some advice on how I should approach this without screwing things up like I normally do. Ive not made contact with her or any of her friends since Wednesday now.

I want to win back the women I love and I would do anything to have her tell me that she loves me and wants me back and to start a new relationship with her.

Thanks

bigNavySeal · Nov 5, 2012, 03:48 AM

All I can say is to hang in tight there, buddy. Avoid contact. Unless you both (she) make the conscious choice of getting back together there's no saving your relationship. She must have had her reasons for breaking up with you. Prepare yourself to move on and let her go, even though I know how difficult it is.

joypulv · Nov 5, 2012, 03:49 AM

She told you she is done and you say you can't accept it. There is nothing anyone here can tell you, really - yes, people get back together; I have, many people have. But one experience doesn't translate to another, because the ball is 100% in her court, and we don't know how she's thinking. Nothing about how perfect you were for each other, nothing about how you feel you can change, matters. You DO have to accept what she says. You can hope and wait and plan what you would say, but that's it. The odds are against it happening. You have to move on by pretending to move on to ease the pain.

snakenath · Nov 5, 2012, 08:12 AM

I just hurts so much and I know she still loves me. She did have reasons to splitting up with me but I was never really given another proper chance. I just want that chance. A friend has said that its over and I need to stop clinging on to false hope but I can't help it. All I want is for her to come back to me but I don't know what to do. I want to write her a letter but I don't know what good that would do. I feel that we have too much to let it just go. I want her back so bad, I just want her to see my worth because I'm a nice good guy and even herself has said before that I'm a good egg. Im ripping my hair out over it and I can't get her out of my head. You said that you have got back with your girlfriend before, how did you go about it without pushing her away further?

I was thinking that perhaps I could send her a letter basically explaining everything in a way that no phone call or text can. Telling her how I feel that I wasn't given much of a chance but that I really want to give it another go again and that even though she might have doubts, I will show her that she doesn't need to and il prove to her that I am me and I can trust her. All I need is the chance that she was going to give me and then took away because I was making great progress and never got the chance to prove it to her properly. Perhaps I could suggest to meet up over coffee and that I am willing to take it as slow as she wants as long as I can have that chance because I know that she loves me and surely deep down someone who loves a person still wants to be with them. I just want to have one last dive at it before I call it quits because I've always told her id fight for her and I've been fighting for her the past month and half.

I just need some advice as to how to approach it so that I'm not begging and obviously showing myself to her mercy because I will proberly get annihilated but I want to give her an option while putting across some points about us and to show her that we can still be good together and that I am willing to do what is necessary just as I started to do before.

Any advice in a positive sense towards this would be much appreciated.

Thank you

Blondegirl4170 · Nov 6, 2012, 04:00 PM

There's a term that says 'I will until' it means I will until I can achieve it can mean anything in your case I will until I get her back. People may be saying its completely over but there's always a way especially if she still has feelings for you.
Depending on what you actually did to her, for me a man expressing his emotions towards me is the sweetest thing as for some guys it's not that easy. I think you both need space, I know it's hard but that's how it works. Give it time, tell her how you feel and leave it at that. That's all you can really do.
My partner broke up with me while I was away on holidays, I was beside myself as it was a 3 year relationship. I didn't speak to him for 3 days and on the 3rd day he came crawling back. I'm not saying don't act like you care because that's the number one thing that you need but don't smother her it may make it worse.
Good luck to you though, I hope you get what you want as everyone deserves a chance!

joypulv · Nov 6, 2012, 04:26 PM

Yes, write a letter on paper. Write it over and over until it's really what you want.
Do NOT say you weren't given a chance! That is the lamest thing you could possibly say. It's whiney and after the fact. It's like saying 'I wouldn't have stolen that CD if you had No Stealing signs in your store.' Or 'You didn't give me 3 warnings before tossing me to the curb.' She will just be furious and claim that you had plenty of warnings and didn't see them or believe them. She will say that she shouldn't have to warn you in the first place. You can be a 'good egg' and impossible to live with.
Work on that letter. NO EXCUSES in it. NOT ONE. Not one thing she did wrong. You are the one pleading your case, so show integrity, show what you can do to change to make it a good relationship.

Gamed · Nov 6, 2012, 04:30 PM

Why does everyone think just because their not done with their partner than their partner can't be done with them?
MOVE ON

snakenath · Nov 6, 2012, 05:39 PM

Yeh, you both give good points. I think I leave it a little while and write it a couple of times until I'm happy with it and then il send it. Its her birthday at the end of the month so I was thinking of perhaps sending her a card with the letter so it appears more sincere and that I also remembered her birthday. I just know how strong she is mentally, she's bullet proof so it does scare me a little because even though I know her through and through, its still stepping into the unknown a little

Originally Posted by Gamed

Why does everyone think just because their not done with their partner than their partner can't be done with them?
MOVE ON

Its not always so easy to just move on when you have given your heart to someone for the past 2 years. Ive always told her I would fight for her and I know she loves me so surely that means something. Up until the past month or so we have always been strong and amazing, I just want her to see that we can be again

talaniman · Nov 9, 2012, 04:20 PM

Its never been easy to move on but its what you need to do!! One day at a time.

krazyfas · Nov 11, 2012, 12:05 AM

I'm going through something somewhat similar. I also felt like my chance wasn't really there for me either. Write that letter be sincere and NO EXCUSES like it was mentioned before. Always be confident around her women love that. Always smile since people like being around happy people and don't be negative. Hope this helps

snakenath · Nov 11, 2012, 02:55 PM

Originally Posted by krazyfas

I'm going thru something somewhat similar. I also felt like my chance wasnt really there for me either. Write that letter be sincere and NO EXCUSES like it was mentioned before. Always be confident around her women love that. Always smile since people like being around happy people and dont be negative. Hope this helps

Any further advice? I have an idea of how I want to write it and I want to make it loving with no negativity. I want it to show how much I can make her happy and show her I'm a benefit to her and worth the chance and that even though she might have doubts, il make sure she wouldn't regret it. I do however want her to see that if she chooses to definitely put me aside that I won't be trying again. This will be my last efforts

joypulv · Nov 13, 2012, 05:56 AM

So snakenath... after all the love, positive emotions, promises, and self-professed attributes (I notice you left out all her attributes from your list, why?), you plan to throw it all away by saying 'this is my final effort.'
Well guess what? If she wasn't planning to make it final as she was reading all the first part, she will by the time she gets to that. How negative can you get? What good does it do to tell someone who doesn't want you anymore to say you won't try again? You say you want it to be positive. Mean it.

snakenath · Nov 14, 2012, 07:31 AM

Originally Posted by joypulv

So snakenath... after all the love, positive emotions, promises, and self-professed attributes (I notice you left out all her attributes from your list, why?), you plan to throw it all away by saying 'this is my final effort.'
Well guess what? If she wasn't planning to make it final as she was reading all the first part, she will by the time she gets to that. How negative can you get? What good does it do to tell someone who doesn't want you anymore to say you won't try again? You say you want it to be positive. Mean it.

... :( she has many attributes, I will also include them. I was just saying that I want to express to her how I am and who I am. Of course I don't want it to be final efforts but how long am I meant to if it turns out that she just don't care anymore. Mentioning that was just as an aid to keeping my own dignity so that she can see that if this letter does nothing for then I can't keep chasing her, that's the point I wanted to make with it. I love this women and id do anything to have her back so I am trying to be positive but in a situation where the other person is very strong and your on your knees and that I'm potentially in situation of loving a women that wants nothing to do with me, then a certain level of negativity does hover over me but I don't want to put that across in my letter

talaniman · Nov 14, 2012, 12:28 PM

Forget the letter, get off your knees, and get your dignity back NOW!! It no longer should matter what she says, thinks or does.

The time you spend crafting a stupid letter is best spent on YOU getting beyond all this false hope! Do you really think a silly letter will change her feelings?

Acceptance is closure.