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Soso121 · Oct 11, 2012, 11:25 AM

So when a man is in along distance relationship with a woman that he's in total love with, the woman is his fiancé who treated him right, respected him and gave him so much love and attention, which got him to feel the same way for her. But one day this woman realizes that she doesn't feel the same way for him and she starts to change but not calling or giving him any attention anymore. This guy loses his mind and he tries for 5 constant months to please her and to get her back to loving him again. She didn't tell him straight in his face that she can't be with him but the way she changed explained it all...

My question is it normal how this man reacted to the way she changed, what kind of man it makes him, giving out all that emotion?

For 5 months he sent her sad love songs almost everyday, bough her expensive gifts, spent a month at her country since it was a long distance relationship, took her on a trip just the both of them, and after all that she still didn't want to stay in this relationship but he still went back from europe to the middle east twice in 3 weeks just to comfort her. And even when it ended he told her he's accepting it cause he loves her deeply...

This man lost his dignity in every way for that woman? Please help me understand why?

joypulv · Oct 11, 2012, 12:14 PM

That's called a fool for love, and it happens every day. The other person (man or woman) has lost the sense of what it feels like to be hopelessly in love, and could care less whether it hurts or not.
As long is this man you speak of is willing to travel and spend time and money and listening and supporting, she will take advantage of him.

Not always - some are considerate and thoughtful and break off all contact. But many are just too selfish. They enjoy having someone cater to their every wish. This poor guy has to STOP before he loses his last shred of integrity (and his last dollar). It will hurt a lot, but how's the pain now? Worse. Then he heals faster.

Soso121 · Oct 11, 2012, 02:33 PM

Don't you think giving her that much attention was kind of a turn off to her?

joypulv · Oct 11, 2012, 04:46 PM

It depends on the woman. Some will find it pathetic. Others will see it as just painful unrequited love. Others will simply be annoyed and want to be left alone. This woman wasn't fair - she strung him along, went on a trip with him, accepted gifts, and used him for comfort (why she needed comfort you don't say). But he was equally foolish for showering her with attention when he should have forced himself to stay away.

Homegirl 50 · Oct 11, 2012, 04:46 PM

Maybe she was already turned off. But she should have told the guy. At some point the guy should have stopped long before now.

odinn7 · Oct 11, 2012, 06:31 PM

I feel bad for the guy and he really should have known better than to keep going on like that but...

The woman was a selfish, unfeeling jerk to let this go on without telling him.

Soso121 · Oct 12, 2012, 06:13 AM

My question is why did he keep going like that.. he's a man with big ego but what got him to be this vulnerable... I know that she loved him deeply and called him everyday to wake him up to work and showered him with attention... but where did his pride go?

Homegirl 50 · Oct 12, 2012, 06:17 AM

Was she a lot younger than him? Sometimes people just don't see what's in front of them because they want to. Maye he thought he could buy her

joypulv · Oct 12, 2012, 06:44 AM

Until you have suffered from unrequited love, you just can't understand what it's like.

Cat1864 · Oct 12, 2012, 04:10 PM

If he has a big ego, she may have tried to tell him it was over, but he didn't listen. Sometimes, what seems like 'vulnerability' is actually an attempt at controlling the relationship. I don't know if that is what happened here, but sometimes things aren't as clear cut as they appear to other people viewing the relationship from the outside.

How do you know what happened in their relationship?

Was this an 'arranged' relationship before it became a 'love' one?

I don't know how much culture played a part in this situation, but it seems like both of them could have handled the situation better. She should have been more clear and he should have let go instead of pushing for more.

Soso121 · Oct 13, 2012, 01:53 AM

Yes it was an arranged long distance relationship that turned into love within the first 3 months!!

Homegirl 50 · Oct 13, 2012, 07:04 AM

It could have been handled differently by her, but why he went through all those lengths, I don't understand unless he just did not want to face that she no longer wanted him.

Cat1864 · Oct 15, 2012, 10:16 AM

Soso, is this about your husband and his ex? https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/marria...er-647789.html
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/marria...er-709125.html

Soso121 · Oct 17, 2012, 04:29 AM

YES,, it's eating me alive... when I asked him if he loved her more he kind of said yes cause his answer was like I didn't love her more but was much more comfortable with her!!

joypulv · Oct 17, 2012, 05:22 AM

I'm sorry this is eating you alive, but you are ruining your marriage by dwelling on the past, especially by asking him to keep talking about it. Is that what you want? Nothing is going to change the past, and the answers you want aren't simple - love develops over time (what you hopefully have and will have more and more of, as you share life) and infatuation of his sort turns into some sort of dream. Let it be! LET IT BE.
If he doesn't feel comfortable with you, I would bet that it has a lot to do with this. If you stop, he will feel a huge relief.

Homegirl 50 · Oct 17, 2012, 11:35 AM

You are the one sounding disparate. You posted this incident with your husband in April and it has been two years since this has happened. Why are you dwelling on this? The problem is not him, but with you bringing up the past and worrying about a relationship long gone. Focus on your marriage not his ex.