[Marissa17]

Hey everyone, I don't have anything specific to address but maybe I'll find a focus while I think here, my mind is kind of all over the place. Just a little update I guess, to prove things will and do get better, you just have to make some little changes and put in some effort to get to that point. I do appreciate the advice I've been given so far and I check back here everyday to read everyone else's posts to keep things in perspective. I'm in a much better place since my last post. During my much needed school vacation week (and a full week of absolutely no contact with my ex) I got my driver's license, a car, and a job.. I've been exercising religiously everyday too. I still think about my ex in the midst of all these new things. Unfortunately, he still has a bit of that power over me and I hate it. It's so crazy the way we seem to thrive off each other's unhappiness, like we take pride in knowing we still have some sort of control over one another, it's so immature and stupid, I know. Every time I smile in class he looks at me and it seems to get to him a little. He's had a new girlfriend for almost 4 months now and he still shoots me some looks in class from time to time. I try hard not to acknowledge them and I'm getting better at it. I just wonder “What more do you want from me? ”, I tried to work things out when we were together, I was there for him and treated him great, we just grew apart, he ended it, he decided this. Actually, he never even ended it, he just found someone else during our “break” and asked her out. Not sure if he was ever planning on properly ending things with me himself, all I know is that I found out about this new girl sooner than he anticipated. Sorry if I repeat that fact a lot in my posts, it just may be the thing that bothers me the most and I think it's significant in understanding this. A part of me still turns to mush every time I see him and in my weaker moments another smaller part of me still wants him to come back. I don't want to feel that way, I know deep down I'm better off on my own. The memories just kill when I'm reminded of them one way or another.


He called my cell phone earlier. It was the first time he had called in months, since we see each other in school everyday there's usually not much to be said outside of school. Turns out our friend from out of state is coming in on Thursday and he wanted to know if I was free to hang out. That's all fine and dandy.. but why didn't he just ask me online and save us from the awkwardness? I took him off my buddy list but he's still free to IM me. Teenagers these days are much more prone to instant messaging than talking on the phone, we used to talk on the phone all the time when we were together but never after that. Thankfully I'm working that night so I didn't even have to think about whether to go or not. That phone call just caught me off guard I guess…got me thinking.. I don't know about what exactly.. just that I miss him a little, and how we've really become strangers these past few months. He randomly sat next to me at lunch the other day too, I don't know if he's not getting my implied message that I don't want to associate with him anymore or if he's just choosing to ignore it. I didn't want things to end up this way but I had to start worrying about myself more and I know we can't ever just be friends; we were just too close before.


He's still the last thing I think about before bed and the first thought that comes to mind when I wake up in the morning and of course I dream about him a lot too. This must be some kind of first love syndrome, and I can't wait until the day when he's clear from my thoughts. Any suggestions or feedback regarding my situation would be greatly appreciated. Mainly: Did anyone else have these strong of feelings in high school? Similar stories of their first loves? Also, has anyone read any good self-help books lately that put things into a better perspective on a not-so-good-day? Thanks in advance.

[Jiser]

I will make it brief. The first love always holds a special place in your heart, you will probably never forget him and the relationship you shared with him you will not get with anyone else - everyone is unique.

The best thing for you to do is try your best to move on. It must be so hard when you see him every day, but you can put at least emotional distance between the two of you until perhaps you have both grown up a bit more and there is no game playing.

Try your best to keep busy, do sports, join clubs, meet new people and don't forget you're a special person who deserves the love of a special person and one day you will meet, whether that is in 5 or 30 years time.

However you are at high school still. You had some sh*t in your life, so what? For all you know you could have a hundred years of life left. How many experiences and people will come and go from your life in that time?