[VintageHeart93]

I've been on this site multiple times asking about my relationship problems and just as everything goes well another one arises. I was discouraged a bit from asking anymore on this site because I feel like I may be annoying some people especially talaniman ha ha (idk why) especially from recent posts. But, today I'm going to try for my final time and hopefully in the future I can hope to solve things like these on my own...


Problem?:
Me and my BF have been together for 2.5 years (if you remember my posts, it's pretty much the same guy, I'm just recapping for those who don't want to look, etc). We started dating in high school. Everything was great until senior year when he became a bit distant. On the last week of our senior year he decided to break up with me, because he doesn't want a relationship going into college (I though he was thinking about this for a month, he said he only thought about it the night before). He told other people he didn't have feelings for me, but after some talking he still did and we got back together. Fast forward- we just finished our first year of college, we saw each other once a month, sent each other letters, it wasn't that bad. The only problem I had was he wouldn't contact me as much as I did him, but I assumed he was busy with college. Now that's college is over and we're home we were happy to see each other. We had relations, we celebrated my birthday, it was great to be home. We were planning on having a picnic but he put it off for a week, the same week he became distant again. I was worried so I text and called more often. He told me nothing was wrong and said he loved me. The next week, he comes to my house and tells me that he's not in love with me as I am with him, he said he wants me to move on, and that we shouldn't talk for a couple of weeks. He said if I want to be his friend I should call him. He said he's been thinking about it for a week or two. When I asked if there was someone else, he looked to the left and said no. I cried, he let me hold my hand, but he felt he shouldn't be here. He said he cares for me and wants me to be happy. When I told him I loved him he said," ok" and that there was nothing I can do to change his mind right now.


- The next few days he ignores me like the plague when we have a group outing
- A few days later I initiate contact and we meet, he pretty much told me the same thing..
- Next few days I decide to contact again telling him all my feelings, he then calls me after telling me he doesn't want to talk.
- Now he's all like "I'll let you know when I feel like talking" =/
- I've been sending him "Do you remember texts..."


Right now, I feel like I shouldn't talk to him. I'm going to keep my space and try to work on myself. Though at the same time I feel I should wait it out. People tell me to move on, but I feel like I should give him his space and go from there. I'm don't want to move on... not yet anyway... I have a strong intuition that he will come back to me... =/ Though if he does ask me back I know I won't take him back automatically..

I'm at a point right now, where my intuition is telling me to stay away and wait, but as a wait work on myself. As I work on myself maybe I'll end up forgetting all of this (fat chance in hell lol) or thinking about this way less than I am now. I'm more frustrated right now than anything because someone I love is leaving me stranded and I continue to wonder why I'm being treated like this, being left in the dark. My goal is a month and then from there I'll figure out what to do. It's been 3 weeks since the break up... I'm suppose to have a family reunion soon so I'm looking forward to that. I'm trying to look for a job as well.. I still cry from time to time... but I still feel there's some hope.. idk..

Please tell me what you think? I again, appreciate all the help I've received on this site.

[C0bra_M3nace]

Keep your mind busy, stay no contact and continue with the move on process. Eventually your heart will let go, it will just take time.

Keep that chin up and you will be happy again!

Best of luck!

[mmresd]

Have some self respect and move on. No one likes someone begging at them to take them back, which whether you realize it or not, exactly what you are going; it is very annoying. Just go no contact (yes, force yourself) and move on with your life, he has made his decision, accept it and start living your life again. The "do you remember...." texts are only going to hurt you, because he no longer has the feelings he had when those things happened, while you are still living in the past.

[mearbhall]

I don't think anyone actually WANTS to move on when they're in your situation; if they do, chances are they already have. I'm in a similar predicament myself, but it's something you have to force yourself to do for your OWN well being. Best of luck.

[talaniman]

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ck-577281.html

You are still with this guy? My feelings are so hurt that you didn't find my advice helpful, compassionate and caring. I only get annoyed by multiple posts about the same thing in different areas. That not so bad is it??

[VintageHeart93]

I did listen your advice and I did find them very helpful and no it's not. It's my fault and I apologize greatly. I have no excuse for my actions except that I know I can be quite stubborn when it comes to certain things. It's nobodies fault but my own and I'm trying my best to take in as much advice this time as before.

[slapshot_oi]

I'm (sic) don't want to move on...not yet anyway...I have a strong intuition that he will come back to me...

Then there's no advice we can offer you. You know what we're going to tell you because you've come to us before and didn't listen. You will do what you want to do.

...I'm more frustrated right now than anything because someone I love is leaving me stranded and I continue to wonder why I'm being treated like this, being left in the dark.

You're frustrated because you're relying on him to fulfill your needs. Instead, you ought to be relying on yourself, and this is why you just can't bring yourself to do what we've been telling you: no contact.

This dude doesn't owe you a thing. No one in your life does. And likewise, you owe nothing to everyone, including your parents. Life lesson: know that if you do something for someone else's sake or benefit, it doesn't mean it will be reciprocated. Having that expectation will lead to bitterness because people will let you down, and then you'll turn into one of those folks who claim everyone in this world is stupid and no one can be trusted.

You are completely dependent on him, and the type of man who wants a dependent woman will always be a predator who exploits her weaknesses. And, because this guy is breaking up with you and being 100% honest with you, it's clear he wants an independent woman.

[VintageHeart93]

Then there's no adive we can offer you. You know what we're going to tell you because you've come to us before and didn't listen. You will do what you want to do.

You're frustrated because you're relying on him to fulfill your needs. Instead, you ought to be relying on yourself, and this is why you just can't bring yourself to do what we've been telling you: no contact.

This dude doesn't owe you a thing. No one in your life does. And likewise, you owe nothing to everyone, including your parents. Life lesson: know that if you do something for someone else's sake or benefit, it doesn't mean it will be reciprocated. Having that expectation will lead to bitterness because people will let you down, and then you'll turn into one of those folks who claim everyone in this world is stupid and no one can be trusted.

You are completely dependent on him, and the type of man who wants a dependent woman will always be a predator who exploits her weaknesses. And, because this guy is breaking up with you and being 100% honest with you, it's clear he wants an independent woman.

Your response has hurt me a little though I know his decision to leave has nothing to do with me... at all, dependent or not. I haven't contacted him in a while now and I'm keeping it like that. You're right, I didn't listen. That's why I'm trying to now and seeing where that takes me. I'm doing NC and hoping everything just works out for themselves as I continue to do things for me. I'm not going to keep dwelling on this because it's going to make me sad. I must adhere to his wishes and think about myself. I've frustrated a lot of people I feel and I apologize. But in no way do I want anyone to think that the advice I received was for naught. I have nothing else to say, except I'll keep in touch on my progress.

[talaniman]

I'll keep in touch on my progress.

>cyber hug<

[VintageHeart93]

I'm on Day 5 of NC and I have to say this is the hardest thing I have ever done =/

[rocketman11]

I've been on this site multiple times asking about my relationship problems and just as everything goes well another one arises. I was discouraged a bit from asking anymore on this site because I feel like I may be annoying some people especially talaniman ha ha (idk why) especially from recent posts. But, today I'm going to try for my final time and hopefully in the future I can hope to solve things like these on my own...


Problem?:
Me and my BF have been together for 2.5 years (if you remember my posts, it's pretty much the same guy, I'm just recapping for those who don't want to look, etc). We started dating in high school. Everything was great until senior year when he became a bit distant. On the last week of our senior year he decided to break up with me, because he doesn't want a relationship going into college (I though he was thinking about this for a month, he said he only thought about it the night before). He told other people he didn't have feelings for me, but after some talking he still did and we got back together. Fast forward- we just finished our first year of college, we saw each other once a month, sent each other letters, it wasn't that bad. The only problem I had was he wouldn't contact me as much as I did him, but I assumed he was busy with college. Now that's college is over and we're home we were happy to see each other. We had relations, we celebrated my birthday, it was great to be home. We were planning on having a picnic but he put it off for a week, the same week he became distant again. I was worried so I text and called more often. He told me nothing was wrong and said he loved me. The next week, he comes to my house and tells me that he's not in love with me as I am with him, he said he wants me to move on, and that we shouldn't talk for a couple of weeks. He said if I want to be his friend I should call him. He said he's been thinking about it for a week or two. When I asked if there was someone else, he looked to the left and said no. I cried, he let me hold my hand, but he felt he shouldn't be here. He said he cares for me and wants me to be happy. When I told him I loved him he said," ok" and that there was nothing I can do to change his mind right now.


- The next few days he ignores me like the plague when we have a group outing
- A few days later I initiate contact and we meet, he pretty much told me the same thing..
- Next few days I decide to contact again telling him all my feelings, he then calls me after telling me he doesn't want to talk.
- Now he's all like "I'll let you know when I feel like talking" =/
- I've been sending him "Do you remember texts..."


Right now, I feel like I shouldn't talk to him. I'm going to keep my space and try to work on myself. Though at the same time I feel I should wait it out. People tell me to move on, but I feel like I should give him his space and go from there. I'm don't want to move on...not yet anyway...I have a strong intuition that he will come back to me... =/ Though if he does ask me back I know I won't take him back automatically..

I'm at a point right now, where my intuition is telling me to stay away and wait, but as a wait work on myself. As I work on myself maybe I'll end up forgetting all of this (fat chance in hell lol) or thinking about this way less than I am now. I'm more frustrated right now than anything because someone I love is leaving me stranded and I continue to wonder why I'm being treated like this, being left in the dark. My goal is a month and then from there I'll figure out what to do. It's been 3 weeks since the break up...I'm suppose to have a family reunion soon so I'm looking forward to that. I'm trying to look for a job as well..I still cry from time to time...but I still feel there's some hope..idk..

Please tell me what you think? I again, appreciate all the help I've received on this site.

I really feel for you. I am a guy but I've been through the same situation with the girl I thought was "the one".

what do you see in him?!

Do not even think about having a relationship with him EVER AGAIN! I am sorry but do not listen to your intuition; PLEASE DO NOT wait for him, wait for the right guy for you, someone who will love, respect and be committed to you at all times.

He IS NOT the guy for you because he doesn't truly love you. When you said "he cares for me and wants me to be happy." He is really letting you down lightly by saying he just doesn't love you in the same way, or at all.

I know its hard but you MUST let him go. You have a strong attachment to him so you need to:
1) Go completely no contact by deleting him from your phone, social networking e.t.c.
2) You need to hide and if you're really brave throw away, things that remind you of him such as photos, cuddly toy e.t.c.
3) Avoid stalking and "accidentally" bumping into him at place you know he'll be.
4) Avoid him, and any conversation with him. Ignore him.
5) Let all your emotions out as they come, but in your own company. Cry, cry, and cry again because it WILL help.
Doing these things are difficult but they will help you to heal and get over him.
I KNOW if you follow these things you will get over him and meet someone else who deserves you and loves you.

Remember to always be yourself and NEVER to change to please someone else.

I think you are such a lovely girl and I wish I could find someone as loving as you :)

I wish you all the best, stay strong and good luck! :)
(BIG HUGS!! )

[VintageHeart93]

I really feel for you. I am a guy but i've been through the same situation with the girl I thought was "the one".

what do you see in him?!

Do not even think about having a realtionship with him EVER AGAIN!. I am sorry but do not listen to your intuition; PLEASE DO NOT wait for him, wait for the right guy for you, someone who will love, respect and be commited to you at all times.

He IS NOT the guy for you because he doesn't truly love you. When you said "he cares for me and wants me to be happy." He is really letting you down lightly by saying he just doesnt love you in the same way, or at all.

I know its hard but you MUST let him go. You have a strong attachment to him so you need to:
1) Go completely no contact by deleting him from your phone, social networking e.t.c.
2) You need to hide and if you're really brave throw away, things that remind you of him such as photos, cuddly toy e.t.c.
3) Avoid stalking and "accidentally" bumping into him at place you know he'll be.
4) Avoid him, and any conversation with him. Ignore him.
5) Let all your emotions out as they come, but in your own company. Cry, cry, and cry again because it WILL help.
Doing these things are difficult but they will help you to heal and get over him.
I KNOW if you follow these things you will get over him and meet someone else who deserves you and loves you.

Remember to always be yourself and NEVER to change to please someone else.

I think you are such a lovely girl and I wish i could find someone as loving as you :)

I wish you all the best, stay strong and good luck! :)
(BIG HUGS!!!)

What did I see in him? He was different, unique in a way I couldn't describe.He was spontaneous too and fit me in every way, yet he was different. I never had a relationship before, so he was my first. I've always had unrequited loves and he was to first to ever feel the same way. Though after the first break up, I wanted to make sure it would never happen again. Now with him gone I feel really incomplete. Like a piece of me is gone and that I'll probably never get it back...

I understand and thank you... Essentially now that I think about it, he was telling me "I love you, but I'm not in love with you". Which also makes me think he's interested in someone else and wants to pursue them..
. I gave my whole heart and soul into that relationship and it's very difficult trying to get it back.. I always thought that love was about work and devotion regardless of that "in love" feeling. For me that came and went and when it disappeared I told him, but I had no intentions of leaving just because I felt it was fleeting. But hey I'm only 19 right, what do I know..

It's midnight over where I live and it's officially Day 6 of NC. I'm close to a week haha I'm trying my hardest not to expect anything. I'm still trying.. A friend recently told me he asked about how I was. I told her if I ever asked about him again then refrain from telling me and if he asks about me then refrain from telling him. If he wants to know he can contact me...

[WisperWill70]

It really doesn't matter if there's a possibility of connecting later on, or if you have some mysterious intuition that things will get better and he'll come back... you STILL have to move on with your life, let go, release this guy and find the next steps or you will never be in a position to open up to any kind of future at all. You know I'm right! You can't live in "some-day" land - you have to be here NOW; where he doesn't want to be in a relationship and you must live your own life.
You're YOUNG :) time to get out there and find yourself

It doesn't matter if you have every single thing imaginable in common... the only thing that matters is that he doesn't have the same view on your relationship that you do, and you must love him enough to respect that. Do whatever you have to do to take a step back - some of these other posts are great advice! Pay attention to them this time ;) and maybe you won't have to post many other posts...

I know it's hard to do, but you just have to keep focusing on other things and not keep trying to poke things to make them move faster or get him to contact you, etc. And you're right, if he wants to know how you are... he can contact you.

[VintageHeart93]

It really doesn't matter if there's a possibility of connecting later on, or if you have some mysterious intuition that things will get better and he'll come back... you STILL have to move on with your life, let go, release this guy and find the next steps or you will never be in a position to open up to any kind of future at all. You know I'm right! You can't live in "some-day" land - you have to be here NOW; where he doesn't want to be in a relationship and you must live your own life.
You're YOUNG :) time to get out there and find yourself

It doesn't matter if you have every single thing imaginable in common... the only thing that matters is that he doesn't have the same view on your relationship that you do, and you must love him enough to respect that. Do whatever you have to do to take a step back - some of these other posts are great advice! Pay attention to them this time ;) and maybe you won't have to post many other posts....

I know it's hard to do, but you just have to keep focusing on other things and not keep trying to poke things to make them move faster or get him to contact you, etc. And you're right, if he wants to know how you are... he can contact you.

I'm trying I really am... it's easier said then done... I just cried again.. I promised myself yesterday I wouldn't.. ended up doing it again but on my sister. All she said was "stop crying, it's not going to change anything and told me to go somewhere else with that" lol That's how she is...

Last question and then after this I plan on not coming back until I've changed my view, something has happened, or a goal has been met (2 week or more) : should I not contact some of his friends? We have mutual friends and sometimes I'd like to see what they're up to and talk to them. Some of them talk to him all the time where as others only sometimes. I feel like I shouldn't because they'll end up telling him what we've been talking about.. I feel like I should stay away from all of the friends entirely, I have my own group of friends but they seldom hang with me, but I talk to them all the time. Just a tiny question..

[talaniman]

Simple, leave his friends alone for now. Cultivate your own.