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ajacksonr · Mar 29, 2012, 05:49 PM

Hi,

I will try my best not to sound offensive because I really don't intend to be, so apologies in advance if I say something bad. Last year I was dumped by my long term girlfriend of 5 years (I'm only 21) and it devastated me... I was at the lowest point I've ever been in my life. So fast forward 8 months and I'm still struggling to come to terms with it, so a friend suggests "why not join a dating site? just so you're looking at other girls" and to my surprise its actually helped a bit!

Recently I got talking to a very beautiful woman, then she told me that she was a post-op transsexual. At the time I didn't even understand what that meant so she explained. I wouldn't judge, and I'm not judging her based on her life, its myself I have the problem with :S.

The thing is she is beautiful, really really. Her personality seems to click with mines and we have had a few nice chats. The only thing is, say hypothetically we get closer and begin dating or whatever? Am I gay? :S she is completely a girl? I haven't heard her voice so I don't know how it sounds...

I know my description of my feelings is very poor, I don't know how to word my feelings, I do like her but I'm confused. I'm very sorry if this sounds offensive, its just I don't know how I feel about the whole thing to be honest.

odinn7 · Mar 29, 2012, 07:03 PM

Let's see if I can explain this...

No, that wouldn't make you gay. Basically it comes down to this on the simplest level: She is a she... other than the fact that she can't have children. She was born as a male... well, in a male body... but she thinks of herself as a woman and therefore is a woman. Do you see what I'm saying? If you like everything else about her and she seems right for you, then I don't really see the problem.

ajacksonr · Mar 30, 2012, 09:37 AM

I see what your saying, and your right. Im probably just overthinking things because this is a very unfamiliar scenario for me. Thank you :).

Fr_Chuck · Mar 30, 2012, 10:03 AM

Yes, "she" is now a girl.

VirtuousPlume · Mar 30, 2012, 05:47 PM

I don't think you are gay. You say she is beautiful, so you like her for her female appearance. However please take note that it's fairly easy to make a picture look good. You should wait until you eventually meet in person to judge that side with absolute certainty. Transgender individuals identify themselves with the opposite gender, so in looks and attitude the one you met is supposedly no different from a woman, right? I'm reading that some post-op women date and even marry without telling their partners about being born with a male body... so I guess you won't find that much difference from dating a woman.

In light of this it's entirely up to your level of homophobia. It's a fact that some people will probably think unflattering things about you, or call you "gay" if they get to know you are dating a transsexual, but if she is really as good as you describe her, then it could very well be an adventure you would be a fool to miss.

Alty · Mar 30, 2012, 06:10 PM

For all intents and purposes this girl, is now a girl. She's post op. She has no male parts. She has always thought of herself as female, not male. They don't operate willy nilly where this is concerned. Psychological testing is done before transgender people can go under the knife.

So, you're interested in a girl. You have to find a way to get over the fact that this person was born male, because she's no longer male now. You're interested in a girl.

talaniman · Mar 31, 2012, 02:53 PM

Whether she is a transsexual or not, wait until you meet up in person before you get to out in the weeds. But your confusion is understandable seeing as you have no experience. Maybe doing some research on this could help, but I see this as corrective surgery for a birth defect myself.

I think I would be honest, and open with her about your confusion myself.