[fadingfad]

So... When I met my girlfriend, I knew I had met my soulmate. She is my other half. However, I learned quickly that she has extremely abusive (verbally and physically) parents who are extremely controlling. They have tried to break us up, demand attention and time, and hate me because I am taking their slave/hobby away from them. They are her adoptive parents which adds to the confusion of this situation.

While she was going through grad school, they would hide her textbooks from her and lock her in her room and hide her keys so she couldn't go anywhere. They have tried to sabotage her in every aspect of her life.

They sabotaged her financial aid for her last semester, and I ended up financially supporting her.
After several months of spending time with my family, she was able to recognize that her family is unsafe and unhealthy, eventually leading to my calling the police on her parents so that she could safely move out. My family welcomed her with open arms; she lived with me and my parents for several months.

I have always said to her that I will not ask her to choose between me or her parents. As messed up as they are, they are her family - HOWEVER, I had told her from the start that there needs to be distance between them and her and that they are too invasive and controlling.

I left my job, left my state, and got an apartment with her. Now a few months later, I am in the situation where she is talking to them every day and text her 15-30 times a day. She has the same relationship with them now as she did before - the only difference now is that she doesn't live with them, but lives with me.

Her life is so consumed by them that it's pushing me out. Her solution for this is for me to spend more time with her parents... She is choosing to work on her relationship with her abusive parents rather then work on her relationship with her loving boyfriend.

I have sacrificed and changed my entire life for her - I have no idea what to do. I can see her choosing them over me - I feel helpless.

[reckless]

I feel for you. You are the epitome of nice guy and she should choose you, but no matter what you do her abusive parents are going to be a part of her life because they are family. My best advice for you is to accept it and stop nagging her about it.

I'm sure you know about how girls will go out with bad guys because their parents disapprove. This is the same situation but in reverse. I feel that the more you try to pull her away from them, the more she will try to get in touch with them. Don't let your annoyance be shown, I'm sure she already knows how much you disapprove.

Another factor that could come into play is that an abusive relationship may be the one she has grown up and become accustomed to. Girls with abusive parents choose abusive boyfriends. You are the complete opposite of an abusive boyfriend. I'm not telling you to treat her poorly but give her some space and be a little more aloof.

[slapshot_oi]

That's a hairy situation.

I completely agree with reckless, you are a nice fella

If I were you, I'd put my foot down and tell her I'm leaving because she's spineless and refuses to stand up for herself. You mentioned that she went to grad school, so, she must be in her mid-20's, which means she has the brains and the support (you) to handle this situation. But, instead, she's making a choice to stay under her parents' thumb, even though text messages, this is a problem.

In short, I suggest you leave and give her time to sort things out. She's obviously not thinking clearly if she thinks the problem can be solved if you spend more time with these lunatics.

[vanheart]

This all comes down to you really.
How much time you want to invest.

Its one thing getting with someone, its another thing trying to fix their issues.
Remember it takes two. Maybe you are both what you wished at the time. Perfect actually.

A messed up girl and a savior. Or messed up guy and a savior. I can't say.

Moving away may have seemed a quick fix, but I know from experience that your problems follow wherever you live.

If I were you really, I would let her deal with her stuff.

And you move out & on.
I wouldn't want that situation.

Its only you trying & trying to fix her stuff.

Only she can. Are you ready for the LONG haul?

[vanheart]

You have sacrificed a bunch.
Now, what about you?

[talaniman]

You said she is your soul mate, then see things through her eyes, and understand and support. Don't dictate or be selfish. She obviously thinks she can build a healthy relationship between you and them, so help her without preconceived prejudice, even if its doom to fail, because she at least wants to try.

TRY WITH HER, and no half a$$ed attempts either. That's a part of love and care that soul mates share.

[rjrenolds]

Hey man ik what that's like, my girls parents are really abusive too and I've tried to ignore it but its hard when you care for them. The best thing you can do in my opinion is try to give her parents NO reason to hate/dislike your relationship. Don't have sex and don't lie or sneak away. Just be smart because eventually it'll catch up with you. Make sure that you are delicate with her because she thinks that you are her escape from her life so try to help her and let her do that. Make sure she knows you love her and that she can come to you for support.