[supergrover115]

I met a great guy. We started dating. The catch - before we met, he had set up a job in a different city. We agreed that changing life/career plans for a new relationship was pure insanity, but also that this relationship was worth pursuing.

Things were wonderful. We became best friends in addition to just dating. He was completely into the relationship - told both me and my family that this was the real thing, that I was The One, etc. He made an effort and initiated conversations about the future, planning, and while acknowledging the difficulties facing us after his move voiced his absolute commitment to figuring it out.

Then he moved. He was convinced that's where he wanted to be, but at the same time seemed unhappy with his job, living situation, and a few other things. We saw each other once a month over weekend. He started clamming up and not talking to me as much. Things got increasingly tense, at first just over the phone and then in person too. Four months after moving, he said he wanted to break things off "because he just can't take it anymore." I suggested taking some time to think about things first.

After four weeks, and after having enough other craziness and uncertainty going on in my life, I flew there to talk to him in person. He refused to see me, screamed at me on the phone for an hour, and said some fairly nasty things including that it's over for good. The whole conversation seemed unreal and totally uncharacteristic for him. Total for this relationship = 13 months.

It has now been another four weeks. I haven't contacted him at all. He's still on my mind. I alternate still between missing him (as a boyfriend and more importantly as my best friend), feeling angry about his recent behavior and the disrespectful treatment I received, feeling hurt like I was somehow fooled in all of this, and feeling like I just need to give him time to sort out the rest of his life.

I'm doing my best to move on with my life, but I still miss him. I'm not sure what to do at this point. It's tricky - it's not like I'm just going to run into him on the street. There are no constant reminders sitting around for him. I'm not sure what to do or feel anymore. I feel like my judgement is clouded because I still love him, so I've been doing nothing.

No one has a crystal ball, but does anyone else have an opinion or advice about any of this?

[LBP]

Sounds to me like he met someone else, which fostered some doubts within him about his future with you and then didn't have the cojanes to talk to you about it. Of course, it could be something completely different, but that's all my guess. One way or another, it's good that you're leaving him alone - very mature, certainly more than I did when I was in your situation...

[talaniman]

You have a good start by no contacting him now, you need to get busy and find a life that you enjoy without him, which means doing the things that make you happy. Your really lucky you found out about his weird side before you invested any more into this relationship. It would have been much uglier I suspect. Celebrate your good fortune and freedom.

[Allheart]

Hi SuperGrove,

Boy LBP and Tal really nailed this one, and so did you. You really should feel quite good at the mature way you handled this.

We tend to mourn and miss the person we Thought them to be, but through your clouded view, you saw a side to him, that is actually a part of who he really is. Think how he treated you when you went to see him. Not quite the definition of a best friend, far from it.

This all hurts I know. Keep the no contact going for YOU. You sound to be extremely on the ball and bright, and very wise to know your vision is clouded. Just give yourself some time and distract yourself with something that makes you happy. Try and go as long as you can without thinking about him. When you find your thoughts creeping towards him, remember the way he treated you. Your heart just has to catch up with what your head already knows.

I am more than impressed with how you handled this. Good for you and keep it going!!

[supergrover115]

Thanks for your responses.

I honestly don't think that he met someone else to precipitate this. He said he liked the idea of not having a girlfriend.

I knew that this side of him existed. But at the same times, doesn't it exist in all of us? I know that I sometimes take out stresses on the people closest to me. Not trying to excuse it, though. Only he can ultimately do that.

I'm trying so hard to distract myself. I keep my days busy, and try not to have too much down time. That being said, I'm still awfully sad and miss him. More than anything, I want him to call back. Hoping for a reunion is probably hoping for too much. But I don't feel like I even got that closure that anyone deserves.