[xoxprincessxox]

Well this will be a bit of a story so apologize beforehand. Well I met my partner 4 and half years ago. We were always at it all the time at every opportunity possible and in the strangest places etc.

We have 2 kids also but we have also lost 2. we had our daughter and our sex lives didn't change at all. Then I lost 1 before our son and fell pregnant soon after. During pregnancy our sex life stayed the same. Then our son was born. He didn't seem to want sex as much which was fine, maybe about 4 times a week, but then it got worse and went to maybe 2 times a week. Then I found out I was pregnant again but was on contraception, so it was a shock.

It was a ectopic pregnancy so my tube got removed and I changed my contraception before leaving the hospital. I'm covered again and now he won't have sex at all, or barely. I have tried everything but nothing seems to work at all. I can lie nude next to him and nothing. I can do everything and nothing at all happens. If I try and touch him he pushes me away or says ill cuddle into you just to get me to leave him alone.

So now I don't bother as the more he rejects me. We lay back to back in bed and just feel like robots. Really, he never kisses me, never cuddles me, never tells me he loves me. We've always been social and went out almost every weekend or every 2nd weekend. Now all he wants to do is go out with a few drinks with friends and I'm at home with they kids every weekend.

I've asked him if he wants to go out for a change, but he says no, am too tired. Last weekend his friend called and asked him and he said, "ok, be around in two." that was 5 minutes after I asked him and to make it worse, he asks me to drop him off and pick him up which I do and now also with his friends.

Also I am only 24 so I love to have sex and I have a very high sex drive and always have. He is 34 and it just seems to me that he can't be bothered anymore. I don't think he is cheating either but I don't know. I have asked and he said I'm being stupid. I've also even asked him if he masturbates and he says "no, I've never done that in my life." so now I feel I'm disgusting and revolting and it's frustrating, as he always moans that I don't look happy, but I tell him use what you have and maybe I would be.

He'll change the subject -- he always changes the subject when I try talk about it. Its also annoying as all the boys I grew up with have always tried it on with me as I turn around as a joke cause we all grew up together and it would be weird. I have people trying to chat me up even when I go to shop in pj's for a packet of ciggies.

I just can't take anymore please help :(

[Synnen]

Wow... 4 pregnancies, two miscarriages, and 2 children under 10. That alone changes the dynamic in a relationship.

Have you asked CALMLY and RATIONALLY what is going on with him--at a time when you have not just been rejected?

To me, it seems that he is overwhelmed with you and the kids and is just trying to escape when he goes out. But--if he can't get there unless you drive, then DON'T DRIVE. You're enabling that situation!

Another point is that if you are the person with the higher drive, and do nothing but push it at the person with the lower drive, they'll shut you down out of defense. I'm the one with the lower drive in my relationship, and if my husband pushes and nags about sex, I absolutely don't want to have it. I shut down and have no desire whatsoever for it because it's being pushed at me so hard. So... shut up about the sex, and talk to him about the loss of intimacy--kissing, hugging, cuddling, etc.

AND--he needs to take care of the kids too. If you're feeling "stuck" with the kids every weekend, then that needs to change.

You need to talk to him about all of this--quietly and calmly at a time when you're not going to be interrupted by kids or anything else.

If he's not willing to do that, then start getting your ducks in a row to leave and file for child support. It takes two people working together to have a happy, healthy relationship, and if he's not willing to work at it too, then you'll ALL be miserable... including your kids.

[Xerxes12]

First, Synnen wrote you a lovely answer. In reading your question, you do have a lot happening and again what I'm wondering is two things 1: you said your partner, so assuming you are not married? And 2: does he associate all of these happenings (multiple conceptions and problems) with intercourse?

Either way, you sound as if you are not only not having sex but you have lost the dynamic of love within your relationship - the cuddling, the sharing of one's day, the little glances between two people who know exactly what that look meant!

I think you want to try to work on yourself first. Make sure that you are finding things to do for yourself, other than child related events. Remember you are a grown woman and not just the day care provider. Work on being someone that has something interesting to say when the other comes home. Second, just do the little things. When making dinner and you walk by him, gently kiss him on the cheek and KEEP MOVING. This places "no threat" but offers a sweet touch to him. Whether he wants to admit it or not, we love to be touched. Human beings crave touch and like living with others. We are "pack" creatures.

I agree with Synnen that you need to share your desire for the cuddling but do this when you have time to start and finish your conversation. Trying to do this when you are expecting your children home from school in 10 minutes isn't the right time.

Finally, the reason I wondered about marriage; what kind of commitment have you both made to each other? I understand that a marriage certificate doesn't make a couple more dedicated or committed than a couple without one. But most couples become couples in some form through a declaration of love or whatever. And this is what you need to reflect back upon - what did you both agree to and how did you used to communicate when your relationship was feeling good?

I wish you the best,
~X

[jessy23]

Am sorry to say but I think that this guy maybe cheating on you. You can give him a test , give yourself a makeover ,buy sexy lingerie and surprise him, if he still acts up then something is up.